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CrapAtNC

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Everything posted by CrapAtNC

  1. Bugger, bugger, bugger! 6 Days, but back to Day 1? I live in a foreign country and don't speak the lingo very well. My ex has always been my translator for tricky stuff. I saw an old guy sitting in the pouring rain yesterday, and when I passed the same spot two hours later, he was still there, clutching his heart and looking in pain. So, I stopped to help him. I have one other friend I could have called to help me translate, but my ex would understand the situation better (an excuse?). I called her and asked her to speak to the guy for me. She helped me a lot. He had nowhere to live and wanted me to take him to a bridge so he could sleep under it. She told him there's a typhoon coming and we weren't going to do that. She helped me persuade him to let me take him to the train station and give him money for food and a ticket to the town where he's from. I texted her to thank her, and we had a flurry of friendly and funny messages to and fro. I liked it. It made me feel good. Nothing needy; nothing heavy in any way at all. I was angry at myself for breaking NC. I think I did it for two reasons: (1) Because I miss her and do enjoy our chats and jokes, and (2) because I probably wanted to show her what a hero and great guy I am ). I'm a bit annoyed at myself, but I'm also happy we had a short, fun, upbeat conversation, and that I was the one to end it. So, not a complete * * * *-up, but I must be careful not to do it again.
  2. I think if she is pregnant, you'll know about it soon enough!
  3. Ha! I wish I had your confidence in me; there's a reason for my username, you know! Day 5 Having a bit of a hard time, and the only thing that is preventing me from letting her know that I miss her is that I know from Sunday night's experience that she is missing me, too, and being forced to seriously consider the consequences of her decision. I'm a bit tired today, as I haven't been sleeping well recently, and it's so damned hot here and I don't have aircon. I know that I'm a bit down today because of the tiredness, so I'm hanging in there and getting a good night's sleep tonight. So hard not calling, but I know it's the best thing for both of us: me because I get me back and either get her back too or take the new me into better times; her because she needs the space to evaluate her actions and because she might get me back. But I really am doing this for my own benefit now. I do miss her, greatly. And I think she's beautiful, but I can let go if I have to. Going NC is closing the door on an undesirable relationship and opening the door to a great one, with whomever that may be.
  4. Great job, smickey! You are doing exactly the right thing - keep it up!
  5. 4 Days! I feel fine for me but bad for her now - I know she's not enjoying this. But I'm not going to sit back and watch her walk away with someone else again, nor make her watch me do the same. Wondering what she's thinking, but that's all. Looks like the one-week goal is attainable!
  6. 72 hours! Woo hoo! BUT ... as always, after three days, she starts tugging on the connection strings again. We both practice salsa dancing. I go to places she won't go. There was a big salsa event on Saturday, and she was teaching a class, wearing a miniskirt and bikini top, and there were lots of gorgeous women there, all dancing in bikinis, but I didn't go, as I am in NC. So, I go to a club tonight instead - one that she never goes to. And she turns up. Alone. None of her friends are there. She looks gorgeous. Done something new with her hair. I felt a tap on my shoulder and there she was, walking past me to put her arm around a guy I know she doesn't like. She starts dancing, so my friend and I retire to the bar for a drink. She stands alone, looking a little lost. She finally comes over, smiling, looking gorgeous, and, according to my friend, looking like she's crazily in love with me but also a little hurt. We chat. I tell her how great she looks. She hints I should dance with her. I decline. She walks away. Fifteen minutes later, my friend and I leave, and I don't say good-bye. I get home, turn on the computer, and she's on MSN, which is very surprising at this time of night. She just sent me a message about looking for my lost cat, but I've shown myself as Busy and won't reply until she's gone offline. I'm not being mean. I'm just not going to keep being her safety net. There are consequences when you tell your lover to move on, and she needs to experience them. So, I'm still in NC, and I haven't initiated anything, and I'm not being too available for her, and I'm keeping my responses short and sweet, so it all counts. This is Day 4, and I'm doing OK. I'm putting myself first for once. It's going to be a long and interesting week - wish me luck!
  7. 48 hours and counting! If we reach 72 hours, it will be a record, so wish me luck!
  8. That's my man! Let her know what it would feel like not be your biggest priority, because that's where it will go eventually if you don't get back together. Make her realise the consequences of her choice. That's all. Start taking time for you, and busy yourself with making your life better instead of being at her beck and call. She'll love you for it.
  9. You can join this thread ONLY if you promise not to answer every call, wait a while before responding to messages, and always keep communications short and sweet. Deal?
  10. 1 Day Completed! Well, as my username suggests, I haven't been very good at the NC thing, but I'm giving it a committed go this time, because, while our relationship has improved immensely, we're still not together, and I think it's because I've been too 'there' for her. So, I've just completed 24 hours of NC. I'll be responding to messages and taking calls from her, but I'll be keeping them brief and upbeat. I'll not initiate contact under any circumstances. I did check her Facebook, but it's pretty empty anyway. I won't do it again. I know it's not how NC is defined on these forums, but it is the recommended way to go about it according to two books I've read on getting an ex back / moving on. When I have gone three days or so in the past, it has brought her running; my goal is to go seven days, and then build from there (a smaller, easier target - I intend to do the full 30 days without contacting her and keeping all responses to a happy minimum). Wish me luck!
  11. So, I'm on Koh PhaNgan, Thailand, having a blast and really not thinking of the ex too much (sometimes thinking she would love it here and would be fun to have her around), and doing what I can to move on. But I've been here three nights and she has called me for lengthy (and expensive) chats the last two. ](*,) It swings between 'have fun' and concern that I might have too much fun. The reason she has called is that, apparently, my cat, who she is looking after for me, has somehow disappeared without sign within her one-room apartment. But the conversation soon goes to what a crap time she's having and how she might leave the country to go and enjoy herself. I remain upbeat but attentive and am always the first to say good-bye once we hit a high point in the conversation. She's clearly confused. I won't be answering the next call, but will reply a little later with a text message. Why is love so difficult?
  12. What i like most about NC is that it takes away the vast majority of the heartaches and what-should-I-dos.
  13. I think I understand. OK, NC all the way ... for me. No more contact or responses from me.
  14. dunzo, I have intiated NC. I'm not being friendly. I'm making it clear I have moved on, which is the decision she chose ... now she has to live by it. I'm just responding to messages late and in short - she already sees the difference. She knows I'm fading away. I think that if I just stop responding to her messages altogether, it might look like I am hurt by her ... whereas just fading away will be more natural. (I've told her several times in the past I will not be contacting her any more, so she knows now that if I give any hint of such an action it's probably a bluff ... better to make it look real, which, actually, it's starting to be.) Having said all that, I'm all ears, so if everyone thinks it's truly better to not reply to any of her messages, I'll do that ... but, remember, I'm doing NC to win her back.
  15. And a very valuable two cents it is, although perhaps not as strong as they could be against the British penny. I didn't tell her there would be NC, and as we've been in touch almost every other day since the break-up and it's been mostly friendly and civil, it would appear very strange if I just stopped responding. So, I'm weaning off slowly, but I will not initiate any contact. The two-week holiday in Thailand will force NC, which she'll of course be expecting, and I think it would be more natural to be more NC than LC after that break. I haven't been weak for over a week now, and I'm certain that there;ll be no more blabbering, as I KNOW that just pushes her away. Plus, I really don't want any more tears or pain in my life any more. You're right that the coolness and calmness is more an act than how I really am, but right now it's approaching fifty-fifty, and I really am becoming that way now ... less pretense is needed now.
  16. OK, so I had to deliver some medicine for her cat, and I was going to just put it in the mailbox, but the cat needs the meds ASAP, so I reluctantly sent a text message. It was very simple: "meds in mailbox". I've never kept a text that short and blunt before. I haven't contacted her all day, and I know she was expecting me to, as she knew she had left the meds in my car and I had to get them to her. That one day of NC, together with the brief message, set something off. She texted me back straight away, saying thanks, and then again three minutes later! She's asking how much she owes me and how the dog is that we rescued yesterday. Not much, I know, but clearly this is one of her 'friendlier' days, and it's no coincidence that it came after just one day of NC and a much-blunter-than-normal text message. I'm not replying ... yet. I don't want to appear all hurt or angry or in any other way affected by her, so I will reply late tomorrow or the next day - most likely after she contacts me again. I'll just say that I was busy when I got the message (true - I was driving, and then had to feed the dogs), and that I'd forgotten all about it (which I will). Is 100% NC the best way to go? Really? Or is it better to just respond to her contact? You want to reward her trying, right? I read a great book on getting back your ex, and it also insists on a month of NC, but does say that it's a good idea to respond when she (or he) contacts you, and to keep it lighthearted, upbeat, and brief, and to make sure you are the one who breaks off that contact. Any thoughts? I'm not doing NC for my own benefit, to improve myself; I've already made huge changes and know what I want. I'm doing the NC firstly as a way to win her back, and only secondly for any self benefit. Cheers!
  17. OK, I'll have a go, but my username says it all. Three days has been my max so far, and it's about 50/50 when it comes to who makes contact first. Yesterday, I had to pay her back some money I owed, then, tonight, she calls because her cat is sick, and I find myself driving to pick up said feline not more than 5 minutes later. ](*,) Still, I'm very good at keeping communications short and sweet and happy, and right now I'm doing good at not appearing needy ... I think. Anyway, cat goes to vet tomorrow and then back to her (she will be out of town; I run an animal-welfare org, where the cat was adopted from - hence the pick-up ... but, yeah, I know ... not really a valid reason, right?) So day 1 will probably be Thursday. I'm off on a two week holiday to Thailand on the 19th, so things should get easier about then.
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