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Everything posted by CrapAtNC

  1. Samatha, moving on is a way to bring them back. If you've showed him you're sorry and he knows you want to make things up with him, the best thing you can do is give him the space he's asked for. Really! Any desperation you show will only push him away, even if it is to show him how much you're sorry and miss him and love him and want him back. But say those things calmly, without too much emotion, and in a way that shows you will still be fine regardless, and you'll win brownie points. This is not the time to start acting desperate; no one wants to be with a desperate person.
  2. Of course. He has to experience life without you. If he's asked for it, then you really should respect his wishes (and yourself) and not just go NC, but move on. Create a new life for yourself, one where you're happy just by yourself but open to the idea of settling down with someone . . . that's attractive. ;-)
  3. Yeah, I thought the same as MakeItCount: in her phone call, she mentions an argument; what was that about? Re. NC: no, don't. Not yet. You're doing fine with your nonchalant approach. Re. what she said in that call (or to anyone else), ignore it; my ex would say all manner of things to her friends, none of which, it turns out, she meant. They say things to protect themselves, their reputations, their hearts should things not work out. I think it's time to kick things up a notch. Have some dates. ;-)
  4. Wow! Nice nonchalance / pulling back! My hat is off to you! I would say things are looking good for you, because she's clearly still wanting you around at least and--most importantly--it was neediness that pushed her away before, and that's clearly becoming a thing of the past for you. Don't read anything into anything. Just keep being the new you. Be good to her but good to you too, and just don't be so available (which you've been doing brilliantly). If you truly believe in nonchalance and pulling back, I say let her make the first move. As long as you stay as cool (not cold) as you are, keep things fun as you have, and in no way have any expectation/need, then I think she'll let you know that you have aroused something in her. Make sure you keep rejections playful. When things are going the way you want--STOP! Yes, stop. If you start making out, quickly stop like nothing happened and suggest a coffee or something. It works. It shows you have no agenda, no needs, and oodles of confidence. Feel free to kick things off again when you've had (or while you're having) coffee. Two steps forward, one step back. It's tantalizing. Play with her. Make her want you. This is for HER. We never appreciate what's handed to us on a plate, and always find ourselves drawn to the seemingly unavailable. Remember: if nothing happens, that's FINE. You have NO expectations other than to spend time together. Have a playful smile on your face throughout. Pretend you don't want her to try anything. "OK, you can jump under the covers with me but none of that footsie stuff to try and get me turned on; I'm not that easy." Enjoy your weekend. I expect to hear how you maintained playful nonchalance throughout. We all envy you. Have a good time for all of us. We're rooting for ya! ;-)
  5. Wow! I passed the month mark about three days ago and didn't even realise. That's good, of course, but I'm wondering if that means it's completely fizzled.
  6. Just over three weeks now, and doing great. This is the first time I've really wanted not to call her more than wanting to. Sometimes chat with her friend, and she tells me she doesn't like the new guy and more and it's now over. Her friend asked - almost in desperation, it seemed - if we would my ex and I would get back together. This was pretty novel, as, in the past, when I was doing all the chasing, she just kept advising me to move on. Anyway, no contact with the ex until she contacts me first, in which case I'll be friendly and fun but nonchalant. That's my goal. Good luck, all.
  7. By the way, this might help some of you: Some Good Reasons for Going NC
  8. Nineteen days and easy for ex number one. Two days for ex number two and not so easy. Don't know why; I'm actually more attracted to ex number one. Two NCs . . . that's pretty sad, isn't it. ](*,)
  9. I'm single again and still thinking a lot about the same old ex, and even dreaming about her. Been in touch a few times, but she's only lukewarm at best. When I see her, she's great; makes a lot of effort, and I appreciate that. But communication by other means is stifled, and that's probably because I'm contacting her too much. So, time to follow my own advice again. Not trying to get her back (she's seeing someone else)l; just trying to get a clear head.
  10. hypatia, you say it so much better than me!
  11. If I was to write that you should go NC for you and just forget about getting your ex back, it would turn off the majority of people on this thread. But we all need NC, so I chose to appeal to those who want their exes back and those who want to find themselves again. NC is great for everyone, and I hoped to tap into both motivations to get people there. Does that make sense? I've rewritten it several times now . . .
  12. Ha! I'm back and needing to read my own advice.
  13. 41 - forgot one of the most important points! ](*,)
  14. We've hit the 40 mark - I'm confident we can break the hundred barrier now.
  15. Bumpety bump - one more added. I'm having some great success with NC and nonchalance combined. We have to communicate over work, but since I stopped any personal contact at least and ignored her attention-seeking outbursts, her behaviour has greatly improved and our work dealings have improved to ... lukewarm.
  16. Just realised a new one that's now added to the end of the list ...
  17. Added No. 35, inspired by another thread. Give me more - I want 101; "35 Reasons for Going NC" just isn't catchy enough.
  18. Then I see success on the horizon ... with someone.
  19. Hey, I'm really not the expert - see my username! But it looks good to me. Just one thing missing: have you tried dating others yet? Also, be fun.
  20. Having come through the experience you're going through, I can say with all certainty that (1) You haven't blown anything - just keep moving on (read my OP a few times; I hope it helps you see why you should) (2) It's never too late to do anything - I can guarantee that with my first ever serious gf, I was the WUSS OF THE CENTURY and did just about everything that could be done wrong, very emotionally, and very publicly, and yet, still, when I'd finally moved on and actually stopped thinking about her, she wanted to come visit me (in a foreign country). It's never too late to improve your game plan ... and yourself. (3) Definitely remove the pictures. Without a doubt. You'll be amazed how good it feels to get rid of all that clutter. Do it! I'm rooting for yer!
  21. I couldn't have said it better. Good post.
  22. Be careful of the 'friend zone'; it's not somewhere you really want to be. When my exes have asked for that, it's ALWAYS been because they wanted to try someone else. ALWAYS. Whatever the reason, I really believe you're better standing up for yourself and going NC. That's the consequence she needs to realise for breaking up with you. You're too good to accept anything else. Best of luck, whatever you do, mate.
  23. Added a new one today. Let me know if you can think of any more I should be adding.
  24. Couple of new ones. My forced NC period starts on Tuesday, when I leave the country, cellphoneless, to a place far from Internet access. I'll let you know how it goes in a few months.
  25. I've put up a couple more. Please let me know if you have any I can add. Hope it helps!
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