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Everything posted by jul-els

  1. The age gap and differences in experiences create a very large inconsistency on where the two of you are coming from regarding what you want and need from a relationship. It is something that can't and won't be changed. I would chalk this up to a little temporary fun on your part and a learning experience for you and move on. The ground the two of you are standing on will yield no fruit, but it may very well cause you a fair amount of unnecessary pain.
  2. No, that page has been turned and you keep going. Just one of many steps you will take on the path to finding the right person.
  3. There are a veritable host of things you could die from everyday that have greater odds than this current health scare. Life is a risk, that is part and parcel of the deal. Living in fear is a choice. Gets great ratings. Tune in tomorrow and see who gets hit next. Great entertainment, if you're into that sort of thing. Doesn't interest me in the least.
  4. It sounds like you are very dissatisfied and done with the relationship. That requires you to be honest with yourself and do the right thing and go your own way. Yes, it will hurt, it almost always does, but it's the fair thing to do. You can then be free to live your life as you want and possibly find someone you are more compatible with in the future.
  5. These are his relationships and he has told you they are not going to change. That leaves you in the position to decide if it's something you want to accept. It sounds like it's making you very unhappy. It's probably best for you to move on. There's a lot of drama coming from his friend and as long as you are with him, you will only continue to be subjected to it.
  6. If you’re parents supplied you with food, clothing, shelter and an education during your childhood then they have done everything required of them to raise you well. Their work is now done and they owe you nothing more. It is now time for you to be your own person and make your own ends meet. You now owe yourself that much, no one else.
  7. OP, you are in a dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t situation at the moment. He’s obviously disturbed by his health issues and there’s not much you can do about it. You’ve told him how you feel, so now I’d just let it go and allow him the time and space he needs to process what he’s going through. If it becomes a point of contention with him again, then I would sit him down and let him know what treatment of you is acceptable and what isn’t.
  8. It’ll be awkward to you because you’re turning it over in your mind about what she thinks about it and making assumptions. She didn’t think enough about it to respond either way, so that’s your answer. It’s best to put it in the “not interested” category and leave it at that. Mixing your personal and professional life is a bad idea imo and can really backfire on you if things take a bad turn. It’s best to leave your livelihood and your love life in separate compartments, imo.
  9. Who knows? That’s part of dating, finding someone you click with. It takes a lot of tries with a lot of different people before something does click, and then you see if there’s anything else there worth pursuing. Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn’t. It’s a graduated process of elimination. Doesn’t sound to me like anything is clicking between the two of you. As someone else pointed out, the workplace is not a good place to find people to date. Try looking outside of your workplace for people you might have something in common with. It eliminates the possibility of putting your job on shaky ground.
  10. What “things came out” and what have you “been doing ever since”? You’re either skirting around that part or I’m slow on the uptake. If you’ve been fooling around; stop. If you’ve been talking about fooling around; stop also. This shows a very poor sense of boundaries and respect. It will only end up with four unhappy people, one way or another, eventually. Exercise some self control and restraint and stop yourself now.
  11. Time is the only healer, unfortunately, but it will happen, eventually. You have a good handle on where the two of you were, emotionally and mentally. Worlds apart. It was too great of a gap to bridge. Take this time to take good care of yourself, reflect, heal and grow stronger and more resolute. You made the right choice, for you. The love you have for yourself and others will only grow stronger. Blessings.
  12. It’s the rumor mill generating gossip by people with nothing better to do. You can either get sucked into it or rise above it. The choice is yours. The level of significance it has is directly proportional to the level of importance you give it, which should be none.
  13. If she's been told the same thing by multiple people she was dating in the past, then what's the common denominator here? She has a lot of emotional baggage that she brings into a relationship and if you want to be with her, it is something you will have to accept. If I were in your place, I would walk away. There's not much there to build a future connection or relationship on when she is still preoccupied with her ex.
  14. Whether or not it means anything is nebulous proposition. It might, it might not. The bigger question as I see it is can you live with having these kind of doubts about your s.o. over the long term? If he changes great, but you can't expect him to or rely on that happening. This is who he is. Imo, you should be putting more thought into whether or not this dynamic is something you can resolve within yourself and come to terms and ultimately be happy with. I'd imagine it will become very tiring for you, if it isn't already. Once trust is gone, everything else goes with it. If you're willing to be fair with him about giving him the benefit of the doubt, I think you should be equally fair with yourself about whether or not this is something you want or deserve.
  15. Follow your gut. If it feels weird to you, then it is. Weird enough for you to not be interested, then it is. Your gut can answer this for you far more accurately than any one of us here can.
  16. Well defined boundaries alleviate insecurities and doubt-based fears. Don't invest more in a person than what you know about them. Within a few weeks you know next to nothing. Make sure you know someone well enough and allow the progressing level of familiarity to coincide with how much you open up and give to a person, both emotionally and physically. Take the time to really get to know someone. Like the old saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one who's right for you. And that saying came out before the internet was invented, lol. Don't put any pressure on yourself to get to know someone, always follow your gut first, then allow your heart to follow after that, if the signs point in that direction. Listen to and look at those signs carefully, place your respect and trust in how they're guiding you, and heed their direction.
  17. The bigger question is why would you want him to beg you? Actions speak louder than words and his actions have shown him to be an uncaring cheat. You should be glad he isn't contacting you and you should not allow him to rent space in your brain. I know his actions were hurtful and it will take a bit of time to get over it, but forgetting about him is the way in which to do so. In that way, you can heal and move on with your life. Hugs and stay strong.
  18. Doesn't matter. It's social media, not reality. The only person who has any power to decide whether or not it matters is you. So that leaves you with the question does it, or doesn't it? In all honesty, it shouldn't. It shouldn't be worth a second thought to you because the truth is, it's not. Not at all.
  19. When we look for happiness in strictly external things, we create a recipe for disappointment. The immediate physical needs for survival must be met, but once they are, it is then the soul that looks to be nourished. Material pursuits can take one only so far in the quest for fulfillment. Happiness, like all emotions, is a temporary state of being, it comes and goes. But contentment is secure when it comes from doing the things that gratify our spirit. You have to take an honest look at yourself to know what those things are before you can take the path from which you acquire the greatest satisfaction. I took the path of an artist, not one that would make many people happy. Especially if you're fond of eating everyday and wearing clothes and having a place to sleep, lol. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, I struggle sometimes, but the struggle is there for all of us regardless of our chosen walk in life. It's doing the things that honorably answer our most honest questions about our personal desire, drive and motivation that bring us the most genuine reward. It's a question that requires us to tune out the social conditioning of what we're "supposed to be" in order to arrive at a true answer. A scary proposition for many, it requires some courage and some mettle, but it can be accomplished.
  20. Yeah, I could be wrong about that, it’s just the impression I get. It’s very awkward at best.
  21. Yes, you should leave it behind you. It is a closed chapter that you went back and reflected on out of dissatisfaction with your current set of circumstances. That nostalgia can be a temporary distraction, but it can never amount to anything more than that. It's in the past where it will always remain and you must leave it there, focus on what needs to be done with your life in the present, and move forward.
  22. Someone asking me to plan the next date would be a turn off for me. I’m a male, and I’m traditional when it comes to courting a woman I’m interested in. That means I take the initiative to ask her out. If she were to ask me out, I would take it as a sign of confidence and a breath of fresh air. Bottom line, if someone is interested in going out with someone, they ask them out. Having someone ask to be asked out is awkward and I would personally take it as a lack of social skills, which in turn would lose my interest.
  23. It sounds like a bad fit between the two of you and he can’t perform the duties you’d like him to in order to benefit from your sessions. I’d try to find different doctor with whom you have a better rapport. I’ve never been in therapy, nor do I know much about it, but it sounds to me like probably neither one of you is in the wrong, it just isn’t a fit.
  24. You haven't met him until you've seen him in 3D. Anything else is a projection. That said, he's already telling you that he dates a lot of other people. If that's something you're ok with, then ok. If not, this is a reason to put him in the "next" (as in not interested) category.
  25. I didn’t read your other post, but it sounds like your gut was telling you he was the wrong guy for you and his behavior borne that out to be true. If someone treats you with less than what you deserve, then the fair thing to do for yourself is to choose not to settle. What he said or did doesn’t matter. You know what you want and it’s not him, so you moved on. That’s as fair as you can possibly be.
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