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Everything posted by jul-els

  1. Yes, and the house for the time being.
  2. I don’t know. I think that will depend on how the surgery goes, what the doctors say, what she wants to do, and what we can afford.
  3. Yes, she has a 5 bedroom house with all the rooms rented, which is how she survives. There’s a reverse mortgage on the house, so no house payment. She also has two dogs.
  4. Thank you, that’s very helpful and I’ll look into it. I don’t know anything about my mom’s personal business because it’s not something any of us are allowed to ask her about. If we ever attempt to ask her, she gets offended and refuses to talk about it. Which I knew would make things difficult whenever anything like this happened, but now we’ll have figure it out and we will.
  5. Well, I went and visited my mother tonight and she did tell me to call my brother and sister, so I did and they’re now in the loop. It does anger me that they virtually never gave her the time of day, but theoretically we should pull together as a family and be there for our mother and each other. But that’s not what we’re doing. In reality they’re getting a last chance opportunity to assuage their guilt for ignoring her all these many years. But bottom line is my feelings are not important right now. This is about my mom and what’s best for her. I’m scared about her going in to surgery tomorrow and I hope she gets through it okay. If so, then we can take the next steps from there, together as a family.
  6. Another good thing is they've said she won't need hip replacement. They said they will put two pins in her hip to mend it. I'm thinking that's a better prognosis than hip replacement.
  7. Good idea on the grocery delivery. And no, my mom is not social, lol. That's actually a very funny comment if you knew my mom.
  8. Yeah, I don't know. These are the pieces I'm going to have to put together.
  9. It is my sister's biological mom. But she has never expressed an interest in having any involvement with my mom. I don't know why. There's no bad blood between them that I'm aware of. I think my sister is just very self-centered. My family is not close knit at all. If they do come in and want to help, of course I won't fight it, but I'm hoping they don't. I don't like my sister and my brother is, honestly, very deficient in the department of being helpful. I think their presence will cause more strain than if they're not there, but that's my mom's call to make, not mine.
  10. One good thing is my mom is pretty damn tough. Always has been. I'm hoping that resilience may serve her well at this time. It very well may. She knows I'm there for her, so I'm sure that is reassuring to her as well.
  11. Yeah, that doesn't sound good at all. I will be there for her, but if my ship is going to capsize, then there won't be much I can do. There will be a lot for me to sort out, but I'll get through it. I have no wife or kids of my own, so outside of work I do have a fair amount of free time available, especially if I quit the second job, which I don't want to do, but it's an option.
  12. Hello. Last night, my 83 year old mother fell going up a step and broke her hip. This is a moment I have vaguely knew and feared may one day soon happen and yesterday was that day. She was able to call me and I went to help her and as soon as I saw her I was pretty sure she had broken her hip. But being her stubborn self, she refused to see a doctor and had me instead attempt to help her walk to the bathroom, which didn't go very well. I then told her we would make our way over to the rocking chair and I could pull her in that to the bathroom, which I did. I walked her from the bathroom door up to the toilet which was difficult, but we managed. I then walked out and closed the door and she was able to use the toilet by herself. Once she was done, I then got her back into the rocking chair and I pulled her to her bed. I was able to get her from the chair to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. I told her again, "I think you need to see a doctor", at which point she agreed with me. I was very surprised at this because my mother is very stubborn, but I knew if she was agreeing with me then her hip probably was broken. I called the paramedics and they took her to the best hospital in our neighborhood. They took pictures at the ER and confirmed a hip fracture. She is scheduled for surgery tomorrow. I am a little bit beside myself at the moment. My mother is poor, as am I more or less, and out of myself and my two other half-siblings, I'm the only one of us that has any kind of relationship with her. My brother has a strained but ok relationship with her, but he is not a very helpful person in general, and my half-sister really can't be bothered to know her mother exists. She takes her to lunch on her birthday and mother's day out of obligation and never speaks to her otherwise at any other time or for any other reason. Which looks like I will be left to deal with my mother's care taking strictly on my own. It will be tough, but I really don't want my brother or sister involved as long as my mother doesn't express an interest for them to be. I work two jobs, one full time and one part time. The part time one I'm thinking I may have to give up in order to care for her. I don't know. I have zero experience with anything like this and I don't know what the prognosis will be once the surgery is completed. It's a bit scary and uncertain at the moment. Other than that, I don't know. Just venting, I guess. If anyone here has any experience with this kind of care taking that could maybe point me in a good direction as to how to get started and what to expect, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
  13. Because he had his light bulb moment and could see the direction in which he was going and decided to change his course right then and there. For most, that moment comes after far greater hardships than what your friend had when reaching his epiphany, if it comes at all. Some even come close to death (I've seen it) and some actually reach death before they recover. Some become "functioning" alcoholics (I have a couple of them in my family and I work with a couple of them). Your friend was very lucky. It very rarely resolves itself that easily or quickly. Most have to hit rock bottom before any change can happen. The change that then occurs is they get sober or they give in and let their lives become destroyed. Some walk a fine line between holding it together and falling apart, but they still cannot and don't want to stop drinking. That's because it's a conclusion that the alcoholic can only come to of their own volition. And most don't get there and don't want to.
  14. It is an awkward conversation, for sure. Especially if you start out in the beginning being the "gentleman" and paying for the dates. A woman with awareness and appreciation will pick up on this after the first few times and start offering to help pay. Or, she will insist on splitting the cost from the very beginning. You said she does thank you, so she is aware and appreciative, but it sounds like she just doesn't have the funds to spend in the same way you do. If being generous makes you happy, that's fine, do that and be happy. But if things have now gotten to a point where you feel it's unfair, then you will have to say something. Before your next outing, you can either ask her if the two of you can go dutch or you can bypass that and just put the onus on yourself to start planning dates that are financially less extravagant. Or a combination of both; plan something less expensive and ask her if you can go dutch. All based on what you're honestly the most comfortable with.
  15. Looking at a screen won’t help your loneliness, it will make it grow greater. The way to cure loneliness is to have hobbies, interests and passions. These will activate your life, improve your general outlook and get you interacting with more people. Also, be sure to have enough respect for yourself to take care of basic hygiene. If you can’t care for yourself, no one else is going to care for you either. Love yourself more and treat yourself well.
  16. I have twice been in a relationship with different people who were alcoholics. There is only one thing in the world that can change him and that thing is himself. Not you, fatherhood or anyone or anything. It’s a decision that has to come from him and you have zero control over that. Your hoping that he will change will only serve to draw you in further to the damage his drinking will cause for you, him and your relationship. Which leaves you with a decision to make whether or not you want to stay.
  17. I'm sorry you're feeling disappointed with your experience here. The "tough love" approach can be helpful sometimes, but only to a person who is open to receive it. If they're not, then all it does is cause further confusion. But no one here (or anywhere) is perfect and I think most are trying their best to be helpful. It can be harder to hear when one is in a heightened emotional state. There is also the dynamic of people being more bold behind the keyboard as an anonymous person, but I don't see too much of that here, personally. Here and there, yeah, it's unavoidable, but for the most part, no. Anyway, I haven't seen many of your posts, but again I'm sorry you're feeling let down. Maybe as others here have suggested a journal would be helpful for you as a healthy, constructive outlet. If you ever want to come back here, I'm sure the vast majority would be happy to hear from you. Best of luck to you with everything.
  18. I'm sorry you're going through this. Stay strong and stay positive. The help you need is on the way. Feel free to vent here all you want.
  19. There's your answer, imo. No promise, just an undefinable if and when, which sounds pretty unstable to me. I'd go with the more solid offer, which is the first one in which it sounds like you would also very well most likely have some upward mobility in a solid company.
  20. What’s done is done. All you can do now is leave your wife without telling her about your infidelity and hope for the best. You would be wise to break it off with the other woman as well and again, hope for the best.
  21. Pardon my ignorance, but I had to look up what "cuckolding" was. And I agree with Lambert's sentiment that you should run like hell. This is not a good place for you. He wants to exploit you as his sexual object and has stated it clearly. This is a bad situation that you should extricate yourself from immediately and permanently.
  22. Yes. I lost my younger sister to cancer several years ago and anger was one of the feelings I had about it. Not really angry at her, but at the situation and the fact that our relationship was very strained and now the fact that it wasn't going to be repaired was final. But she was released from her pain and I know that we loved each other and that's all that matters.
  23. Feeling inadequate and used is a matter of attitude. You were just two people looking for love who weren’t a match. It’s part of the elimination process and you both recognized it and moved on, which is honest and fair. It’s all part of the process. You know, that old saying about kissing frogs and all that. Be good with you’re at going into it and you won’t feel deflated when you don’t match with someone, which is always more likely than not. You’re just one step closer to finding what you want.
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