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jul-els

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Everything posted by jul-els

  1. No shame in that game as far as I’m concerned. What will be is what will be.
  2. There’s a saying that says, “scratch the surface of a cynic and you’ll find an idealist”. And that’s what I see myself as, a realist who nurtures idealism. While idealism is, ironically enough, not ideal, I do find that it provides me with a cushion when coming up against the sharp corners of life. A reminder that no matter what state one may be in from blissful to apathetic, there is always the potential for it to be greater. And striving to reach for that ideal, and never letting it disappear from one’s point of view is what gives life it’s richness and it’s depth. It’s a reminder of why we’re here. To learn, to love and to be happy.
  3. Life is full of beauty and love. It's up to us to soak it in. Or not. I for one will always choose the former.
  4. Lol. Yes, it could always get worse and I can't forget to count my blessings. But it has rained here both yesterday and today, lol.
  5. You say fatalistic, I say realistic. We've all got our viewpoints, none are more valid than the other. As to my mother's viewpoint, who knows? Her choices are her own and I can't read her mind. It's her life to do with as she sees fit. But I do have to deal with whatever events will unfold.
  6. Good morning. So many thoughts today, just thought I'd rant, so either turn away now or allow me to thank you for your indulgence, lol. I ended a two year relationship about 2 & 1/2 months ago and I feel like since that happened there has been a chain of unfortunate events that just keep hitting me. First one was my job cut my hours the week following the breakup. I was still very fresh from the split and my emotions were running high. Just to be called into the HR office to be told they were streamlining because of some big accounts that were recently lost or put on hold and as a result they would be reducing my hours. It could have been worse. Two people were laid off (but two more have since been hired back on) and the hours I lost were all overtime, so I'm still a full time employee with benefits, so that's a plus. Then about two and a half weeks ago my mother fell and broke her hip. I've been visiting her twice a day everyday and seemed to be doing okay until a couple days ago when she started developing severe breathing difficulties. She is still in a skilled nursing facility and the initial prognosis was that she'd be there 3 to 4 weeks. She's 83 and her breathing problems are chronic and she has struggled with them for many years now. But since she's been unable to get out of bed I think it is exacerbating her problem. The SNF is going to call me today with a status on her condition and what the current prognosis is. She also has an infection on her breast that they wanted to treat and she has refused treatment. She is also refusing treatment for her breathing difficulty. I think her unwillingness to accept treatment is going to cause her to be released from the SNF, which would be very unfortunate. I'm going to try and talk some sense into her on my visit today after I finish the phone call with her case worker. I also had a cruise that I booked almost a year ago on the Seine river going from Paris to Normandy. That's obviously called off now. But the cruise line is refunding my money I found out today, so that's a silver lining, I suppose. Which brings me to all this coronavirus crap that's got everyone running around like scared little monkeys. I understand why people are reacting this way, but I don't think it's the correct reaction. Yes, it's a time for vigilance and caution. But not one for fear and worry and the reaction of the general public seems to be the latter as evidenced by the store shelves in my neighborhood. I mean, life is a zero sum game. You're born, you live, you die. Everyone gets the same exact deal, no exceptions. The only thing that actually matters is what you do while you're still breathing and then once that ends not even that matters anymore. History is full of literally billions of people that no one knows ever existed. But our egos tell us that somehow our individual lives are more important than everyone else who's been here before us as well as all of those who will be here after us and that we don't deserve to die. Well, deserve it or not, you're going to. So be happy and spread love while you have the chance, because that's all there really is to life. That or misery and despair. Your choice. I guess it's a bit easier for me to have this fleet footed view of the big picture in life because I have really no worldly attachments. They've simply never interested me. I have no kids, no debt and at the moment no significant other. So if I disappear, no one's going to be the worse for it. Except for maybe myself and I'll get over it, lol. So. Alrighty then. I guess that just about spills it all. If you've read this far you're a trooper, I appreciate your tenacity as well as your interest and as Bartles (or was it Jaymes?) used to say, I thank you for your support.
  7. Everyone's different and processes their experiences differently. Just as her previous relationships had nothing to do with you, the way she processed them also and equally had nothing to do with you. It's just where she was and where she came from before she met you; the past. The two of you are now together in the present. If you continue focusing on the past, it means you can't fully avail yourself of the place you are in the present. We all strive for happiness. We all choose our path on how to get there and the lessons learned from our past are just that. It's wise to retain the knowledge gained from them, but unwise to keep our thoughts trained on places and events that no longer exist.
  8. You both recognized the connection wasn't working and called it for what it was, which is honest and fair of you both. I would advise against looking at his social media posts as it will only pull you back into the head and heart space from which you are trying to move on. Let it go with grace, reclaim your path, and move forward. This was simply not a match for you that was meant to last.
  9. You said yourself that she's done nothing to make you feel this way. So you know this is your own insecurity rearing it's head. It's up to you whether or not you want to grant it space in your mind. One thing you should know for sure is that it's not worth it to you at all. It is only a self-created, self-defeating mechanism. You control the power over it. You can feed it, which will lead to ruin or banish it which will lead to liberation. You and you alone have the complete and total power to take out the garbage and leave it where it belongs, which is behind you.
  10. Social media is a digitally generated illusion. It can be easy to get wrapped up in if you look at or think about it too much. The picture your ex posted is just that. It has no special significance. Any meaning you assign to it is strictly a product of your own perception. I think you should take it as a sign however of the things you need to let go of.
  11. She doesn't have the physical time or emotional space to be present in a relationship right now. She is being honest and fair with you about it. I know it hurts, but my hope for you is that you can find the gratitude to be appreciative that she didn't string you along. With time you will heal and move on and find a more appropriate partner for yourself. Stay strong.
  12. I don't know why she's asking you for visitation with your kid when your relationship is over. I also don't know why you keep granting it. This shows poor boundaries on the part of both of you. Your kid is not hers. She has no right to ask for visitation. Your relationship is over, so let it end. Stop talking to her and sever her from your life and move on.
  13. This relationship is drama, but you can consider yourself blessed that it's over. Let it end, process your grief and move on with your life. You'll be so grateful and much better off once you've gotten that done.
  14. She told you very clearly what her dating status is and why she chose to meet with you. Don’t read between the lines or read something into it that you would like it to mean. She’s been honest and upfront with you. If you can’t extend the same courtesy, then perhaps meeting up with her is not such a good idea.
  15. Thank you. Yep, that's what I'm doing. She's not a generally negative person, just stubborn as a mule. But yeah, I go visit twice a day and we've been having nice conversations. Yesterday she told me she let them do the therapy on her upper body, which is something she was refusing before. A good sign! :)
  16. Just saying, word to the wise. You know what's good. Be smart. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. As long as you're in a good place with everything, it's all good. It sounds like you posted here because you were unsure. If you are, I gave my honest best advice. If you're not, then go forward in your decision with full awareness of the possible outcomes and confidence and comfort in your ability to navigate them.
  17. Cool. Being honest with yourself is key here. Don't let your heart rule your mind. Whatever you decide to do, be sure you do it with 100% awareness and honesty about what you actually want. Don't forget that a person's heart is not a plaything.
  18. And this. A million times this. Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. Of course abstaining from being her sex buddy is the best way to insure that doesn't happen. But if you do go that route, be sure to protect yourself from any unwanted pregnancy. This should be foremost and utmost in your mind should you decide to take that step. Don't get more than you bargained for.
  19. Then you know adding sex to the equation is going to change it for you. Look before you leap. Make sure all of your choices generate from between your ears as opposed to other areas of your anatomy.
  20. I know my mother very well. I've been dealing with her for 52 years. This is who she is and I'm not going to change that. To think I could would be an exercise in futility, and I know that. It's not mind bending for me because I am so familiar with it, but it is tiring. But I just have to trudge through and not let it get me down. My brother and sister are all too familiar with this as well and feel the same way about it. But they're a bit quicker to give up than I am. Maybe I inherited some of that stubbornness, too. I am a Taurus, lol. But I don't see it as being stubborn, I see it as making a choice to be there for someone who matters to me and who needs my support at this time.
  21. I think I understand the whole cuddling thing. It's just a shared interest that the two of you are comfortable with. Totally harmless unless you're assigning more significance to it than that in your own mind. Are you? If so, I'd advise you to ask yourself why that is. Do you like this woman as more than just a friend? If so, as I advised you before, I'd back away from the idea of having sex with her. Based on what you've written in your posts, I'm sure she does not share your feelings.
  22. I think it's okay to have that sentiment, but it has to be reciprocal for it to work. In other words he has to have the same desire to care for her and follow through on that desire with consistent, unwavering actions over the long haul. Whether he's interested, willing or capable of providing that for her is something he has to be honest with himself about. If he can't, then he is only setting the two of them both up for an unworkable situation that will end in heartache for them both. As a side note to coolio: sorry for referring to you in the third person, but please be assured my comments are intended to be directed to you as well.
  23. Yeah, I have. Doesn't seem to have any effect. She just kind of ignores it. I'm telling you, this lady has a level of stubbornness unlike anything you've ever seen.
  24. Yeah, that's what I did when it came to getting her into the nursing facility. I had the comments from the case worker that we both sat there and listened to at the same time to back me up. So I used that as a logical bargaining tool to get her to make the right decision. But I get tired of arguing with her and I can only do so much. It's her life and I have to respect her decisions, even if I think the decisions she's making are poor ones.
  25. Well, they caught things, but they're being left untreated. Simply because my mother refuses treatment. That can't do something for her that she refuses to let them do. So, just like your signature says, it is what it is.
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