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jul-els

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Posts posted by jul-els

  1. 1 minute ago, BronsonSantana said:

    I don't know many females brother. How can I find another one who isn't a total bird brain?

    Yeah. You are literally surrounded by women every waking day. Open your eyes to what’s possible instead of letting yourself get fixated on a fantasy.

  2. Just now, BronsonSantana said:

    How can I find another woman like her? I never felt this way for any female before. I only think and dream about her

    Not very alpha, dude. Women are like buses. Another one comes along every fifteen minutes. This one isn’t going where you want to go. Find the one who is.

  3. If you were an “alpha” as you claim, you wouldn’t waste time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You would realize this is not a match for you, that there are many more women in the world who would be more suited to you at this time and move on. As you should. I recommend you do so.

  4. Because he doesn't care about you. It might hurt to realize this, but you're better off without him. There are plenty of people out there who will treat you better. Starting with yourself by leaving this person in your past. Love yourself and accept that he wasn't meant for you. You deserve better.

  5. You're initial instinct was right. She's underage, she can call you when she turns 18. There's plenty of women in the world, this one isn't the one for you at this point in time. Don't get fixated, just get on with your life.

  6. You're kind and trusting, maybe a little bit too much in this case. I know, I've been there and done the same thing. When someone displays character traits that are less than respectful, take heed. They are people who won't add to your life, but will detract from it. It's a lesson learned going forward. If you see it coming at you again, you'll know to avoid it.

  7. I think you developed sincere feelings for Julie, but you were afraid of them and because of that you simply wouldn't allow yourself to give your heart to her. Doing that takes confidence and reassurance in yourself, knowing that you could possibly get hurt, but being willing to take the risk. It is something that you are not yet willing to give, at least not with that particular person. I would say you need to do some inner work to discover the reasons why you are afraid to open up and let someone into your heart and learn how to allow yourself to do so at some point in the future. Love is always a risk. It's always uncertain, but you have to be certain as to whether or not it's something you will allow yourself to experience.

  8. Love is something that comes from within and individuals possess it to different varying degrees. When you find someone who possesses the same degree of love as you do, you’ve found yourself a potential match. But I think you’re right that humans don’t couple because of love. They couple because of the biological drive to propagate the species. Love, sex and security are the things that get them through the door to achieve that function. Once you’re in, it’s for better or worse. Hopefully better, if you’re lucky.

    • Like 1
  9. In the current paradigm, dating falls very far down on the list of important things, if not all the way to the bottom. Romance itself has taken on a very dark hue. Fortunately, love is something one can never lose by choice, because it comes from within. And sex, as long as your internet connection is working, well, praise the technological gods, lol. There is an opportunity to create ongoing correspondence with people as pen pals, which could include sexual subject matter, if two people so desired. But it’s never gonna go farther than that until we get through this, and we will. Until then, there are more important things to consider. Like being unified towards the greater good and keeping joy, beauty and hope at the forefront of one’s thoughts and endeavors.

  10. Accepted it. Still feel like total garbage. What now?

     

    Learn from it going forward and don't repeat the same mistake in the future. We all make mistakes. It sucks, but they're there to teach us something about ourselves. You take that knowledge and apply it to your life going forward.

  11. Well, if it was written in only a way that she knew you were talking about her, then she probably felt egged on by it. Even though only you and her know what you're referring to, you're still broadcasting it in public. A very poor method of communication to say the least. It's passive aggressive, really. Still shows a large amount of disrespect.

  12. I don't understand why you chose to air personal details of your dating life on fb. That's pretty inappropriate and shows very little respect for her privacy. I can understand why she'd be upset. Not to admonish you, but to point out that you should maintain much stronger boundaries when it comes to your love life. Yes, you should stay away from her totally. I'm sure she's not interested in interacting with you anymore. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

  13. The best time to tell her is never. It’s none of her business. You and him are two adults who decided to sleep together. That is an activity that should be shared by you and him alone. It’s a private matter, which is something I’m sure you already know. Do you tell other people who you sleep with? I presume and hope not. Your friend is no different.

  14. It sounds like there’s a lack of both communication and boundaries on both of your parts. Spending five consecutive nights with someone you’ve just met is awfully rushed. I would suggest slowing down and keeping the lines of communication open if you wish to try and establish a healthy connection with this person.

  15. Thank you so much. I know deep down I'm a good person. I just have so much emotional stuff going on its hard to find the goodness.

     

    When I broke up with me EX GF. I honestly feel so bad for not supporting her and not been there for her. I miss her so much. But I have been told a few times, You can't love someone else unless you love yourself first. The issue is I don't love myself and until that is rectified I won't make a good partner for anybody.

     

    I have decided to see a therapist via the private route. It's £40 an hour but I think it will help me. I must have been told by 15+ people that I should do therapy as it will help.

     

    Thank you for taking the time to reply

     

    You’re very welcome. That is an excellent decision. It will take time, effort and patience, but love is coming to you. :)

  16. Wow. There are a lot of parallels between your upbringing and mine. I knew my father, but my mother took me and my little sister and left him when I was five because he liked to hit people, particularly my mother. I also have memories of him hitting me and my sister when we would try to get in-between their arguments that would escalate into violence. Once she left him, my biological father took very little interest in his children. He was just generally very ambivalent about us. As a result we ended up growing up in a house with a step father who deeply resented the fact that my sister and I existed.

     

    All these type of childhood experiences are very damaging and leave emotional and psychological scars that we carry for life. But, you know what? They are a part of who we are, but they don't have to define us or our lives in a negative way. The choice is ours and the power is in our hands as to how we wish to have these experiences define us.

     

    Therapy is the starting point. I did all of my psychological/therapeutic work myself, through deep introspection and self honesty. But it was a long, slow uphill climb to make any progress. It worked for me, but it's definitely the slow and more difficult way to get it done. But the underlying key to making progress was I had to love myself and not allow myself to believe that the things that hurt me were my fault. Not at all. I'm 52 years of age now and to be honest, I just feel like I've gotten to my real genuine self within the past few years. But always knew and had faith in the depth of my soul that the good person who I am was in there, buried under all the pain. I just had to rescue him by reaching down and pulling him out of the hole he was in. As I said it was a long, grueling job that required vast amounts of tenacity, faith, introspection, strength, analysis and most of all, love. That is the underlying and unifying key to all of it.

     

    I know you are a good person as well, and I think you know that too. You just need to pull that person out of the hole he's in. Look at yourself and realize you are a good person who is worthy and capable of giving and receiving love. And yes, you are human and you have made mistakes. But you can forgive yourself for those. As the old saying goes, to err is human, to forgive divine.

     

    So, as I said, therapy is the way to this self-discovery. But I don't recommend you do it the very difficult and lengthy way that I did. Find a therapist that you have a good rapport with and can trust and feel comfortable with. Then roll up your sleeves and start doing the inner work. The power to make these changes lies 100% inside of you. Do this kind act for yourself. Once you get to the place you want to be you will find many gifts await you. Reach for them.

  17. American culture is -where I lived for my first 43 years in one of the largest cities -was hugely philanthropic and giving -I started doing volunteer work at age 14 and I'm 53 now and still regularly volunteer - I've worked with homeless kids, disabled adults, after 9/11, for a major public radio station to fund raise (as a volunteer), helped homeless women with interview prep and resumes, helped low income high school kids as a mentor and tutor, given a lot of $ to charitable organizations and still do and many many Americans (including my 11 year old who volunteers) I know do far far more -look at how they had to turn away volunteers in Tennessee recently after their tornado -there were too many volunteers! And on a small kindness level I see small kindnesses around me daily. Sure there are stereotypes of all sorts and it's a shame when those cliches and stereotypes are perpetuated especially the negative ones.

     

    (And after 9/11 that giving spirit multiplied exponentially and did not stop -as you said we pulled together and put our differences aside.

     

    I'm sorry you are in more of a high risk category. I'm 53, mom is 85, my husband's uncle is in his 80s too with underlying health conditions. It's not affecting everyone equally at all. We're so lucky to be financially stable, able to work from home, able to have Internet access and teach our child at home during this time. I have friends who might be bankrupt because of this. Others who were under isolation and quarrantine for weeks. So, no it's not affecting us all equally and we're keenly aware of that.

     

    I hope you stay very healthy and well despite our difference of opinion!!!

     

    I have little desire to argue about it, not sure why you seem to want to, but maybe I’m getting the wrong impression. I do my part to contribute to human kindness as well on a daily basis, but that’s not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the fear and panic mindset that is prevelant in our culture and can be witnessed by people raiding store shelves. When I say it affects us all equally, I mean we are all equally vulnerable, not that we will all have the same outcome. Let’s not panic folks, shall we? We’re all in this together. Let’s be considerate in this time. It’s a simple thing to ask for, but not an easy one to achieve, due to both human nature as well as basic survival instinct. The sky is not falling. At least it hasn’t yet. Let’s not rush to project doomsday on ourselves.

    • Like 1
  18. Well, here in Australia people are also being "all about me". We have pretty much all essentials gone from supermarkets too. There are massive queues everywhere. The government said we're not allowed to have non essential events of more than 500 people, so basically everything has been cancelled. I'm also starting to feel unwell with a sore throat and cough and feeling very cold...So I might lay low for a bit in case it's corona. One good thing is I'm a huge hoarder and shopaholic. So I actually already hoarded basically everything because I kept buying everything on sale (though I didn't need it). So now I have large supplies of toilet paper, hand wash, toothbrushes and toothpaste, canned foods, sanitary products. Plus everything else. I had all this long before corona virus lol

     

    My thoughts about corona virus is that we shouldn't panic. It's not fatal unless you're elderly or have other illnesses already. Most people will survive. We just need to try to keep our body strong by eating very healthy. Well had SARS and got through it. And look I hate to say it but before we had good medical care, people did use to die of various illnesses that are now non fatal. And it was the stronger people that got to live. Survival of the fittest, that's how evolution works. So yes some people have died and it's absolutely horrific but they were people whose immunity was weak.

     

    I'm a spiritual person and I like to believe that we're all here for a reason. I think we're all doing something for others and for this world. Even if that something is on a smaller scale. Sure, millions of people have died who you might call "insignificant" that nobody has heard of. But they weren't insignificant to their friends, family, their cat, dog...We all mean something to someone and we're doing our own good in the world. Even small acts of kindness like holding the door for someone or letting someone in front of you in line matter.

     

    It's sad that at the moment people are acting like every man for themselves. The thing that separates humans from animals is we have higher reasoning and don't just act only from biological drives. But people are certainly acting like it at the moment!

     

    I totally agree with everything you said. I just want to clarify though if I gave the wrong impression. I never said anyone was insignificant. Only that no one is more important than anyone else. Big difference and an important distinction. Sadly, I think people frequently lose sight of this or don’t even consider it at all, especially in situations that seem dire. You’re right, we do have higher selves. And right now is exactly the time not to lose sight of that. A universal test, as it were.

  19. So from my perspective, in my world, this means that our offices are closed, all activities are cancelled and school is closed. And elderly family members far away we need to be concerned about. So "calm down" is all well and good and we are among the much much luckier -we are healthy (so far!), not in a high risk group, we can work from home, stable jobs, stable finances. And even with all that I'm feeling anxious, on edge while trying to maintain a calm front for our son. I'm far luckier than many and yes "easy for you to say, calm down" is one reaction I have to your approach to this. You're entitled of course to your life view on life and death! I wouldn't feel comfortable with that view and especially not to try to take that view with respect to my child's life and well being.

     

    I'm sorry things are so stressful for you. I wish the best for your mother's recovery!

     

    I'm on the cusp of a high risk category. I'm 52 years of age with low grade asthma. As I said, I don't have a family, so I don't have a lot to lose, but I don't think that really matters. This is affecting everyone equally. Which I think makes rational and critical thinking more imperative than it's been in quite a long time. Are people up to the task? I question that pretty seriously. It requires people to be unified, which is something they haven't been for a long time.

     

    American culture is all about "me". At least that's the way I see it. A serious event like this could be the thing it takes to turn that collective mindset around. Which is kind of drastic and unfortunate, but could be seen as a possible silver lining to the whole scenario. This really is a time when people need to pull together and put differences of opinion and belief aside and work towards the greater good.

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