inter-verted

Well, that idea sort of worked, I guess. A guy friend of a girl who approached me informed her of the strange thing I was doing. She came over and asked what I was reading. I explained why I was reading, since I had nothing else better to do. She asked what it was about and I told her shy singles. She consoled me saying "it's tough meeting people here." Like I didn't know that already! I wanted to go over and talk to her once she returned to her table with her guy friend. Something inside prevented me from doing so. I guess I got too picky about her face and tallness. Way to go I just passed up another opportunity to talk to someone. I'll never bring a book to read at a club ever again. I thought most would think I was a nerd or a show off. A little later when I changed my location from being near a lot of women in the dining area to sitting next to the pool tables. One drunk guy came up and asked me what I was reading. Then informed the others I was a shy guy. He gave me some pointers as to how to approach women which is: just go out there and talk to them. Easy to say hard to do. When he asked do I have anything simple to talk about, I made the excuse I'm too intelligent to be simple minded. He sneered and probably thought I was a dork that didn't belong here. Then has the nerve to tell his girl buddy I'm shy and she sort of relates when I say that approaching others causes anxiety. No one understands the pain I go through due to this stupid mental illness. I'm going to tell my doctor to prescribe Klonopin to destroy this social anxiety once and for all.

Well, it turns out my idea sorta worked. Since it was a Wed. night it wasn't packed like on weekends. One unattractive girl came up and thought I was staring at the bottom of my beer since the book was under the table on purpose. I do care what others think unlike the rest of you. You see I should've mentioned I have social anxiety disorder and can't try all those good ideas and suggestions you posted. Thanks anyway. The girl turned out a very mean one with too much tomboyish attitude. I seem to be attracting these types for some reason. At least I got to small talk with a girl for the first time. I can't even approach one, they come to me if I'm lucky enough. I asked her questions about how to go about this bar scene. When she mentioned that the women are turning into playas as well my entire belief system about getting a nice, mature girl in there was shattered into pieces. I can't imagine why girls would want to be like guys and hurt each other. This is sick and disgusting but I'm so desperate and needy I'd do anything for any woman. Which is why I screwed up again buying a drink for a girl who has taken me by the hand and pull me to the bar. Everytime she has done this the past few weeks on a regular basis I cave in and satisfy her every need. I'm a pushover so I can't be assertive and say no. She knows how to take advantage of a nice guy like me and always wins. I'm infatuated with her but don't have the guts to be with her. I'm so confused and depressed now unable to figure out how to get her. Anyway the book had some great info. on why I'm so shy. What slapped me in the face is realizing I have social phobia. That might not make sense to some of you seeing how I go to bars. No one with that debilitating illness could do that! After hitting rock bottom after being played again tonight I just want to go into house arrest and never leave my apartment. The more I go out and try to find someone, the more I get into trouble. The book had some good questionares and proved that I am "painfully shy." I'm gonna return on the weekend and read again because the night club scene is getting very boring. I told that to the girl who approached me at the very beginning of my time there and she didn't believe me. Everyone thinks it's all an act that I'm very shy and never had a girlfriend. She was irritated by that fact I'm such a wuss and don't know how to stand up for myself. Oh well, somehow I will find the right one even at a club. I know I'm going about this the wrong way as most of you have pointed out to do what's best and fun for me and not stoop to their level. As my username emphasizes I'm currently in between or on middle ground of an introvert vs. extrovert. The only place you find a lot of extroverts is at a night club and nowhere else especially in the town I live in which only has aprox. 60,000 people who are mostly old and retired. I have a long way to go but eventually I'll achieve my goal of finding a girlfriend.

I know this may sound silly but since I have nothing else better to do other than sit and drink a beer all night with no one to be with, I might as well read a book. I could go to coffee shops and do the same thing but it's too conservative and boring there. Plus, there aren't as many hot looking girls there just book worms studying. I want to stand out and get attention but not being a clown or cocky just silent and intriguing. What do you guys think? Will I freak the clubbers out or look like a dork and get pounded on by a mad drunk, or spark some interest in an extroverted hot woman who is tired of dealing with macho jocks? The book I'm taking to the club is "The Shy Single" and hopefully it will help me in finding a date. I could take "The Complete Idiots Guide to Dating" but it's too bulky LOL.