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carleneandrea

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  1. carleneandrea
    Well, where has everyone been? Does anyone have any input on what just happened? I was spied on!!! Invasion of privacy, I would say. Regular Joe does not feel like he did anything wrong. He feels he had the right to invade my privacy. I guess he was very concerned about the advice I would get in here but still, I feel violated.
  2. carleneandrea
    My head is spinning. I do want to marry him but I also need to be careful. I don't want to mess up my sons life. He is going with me no matter what I choose. For some unknown reason I am worried about him be attracted to men but not women. Now, he has amitted he is regular joe so we can asked him questions on here. I believe what he tells me. He wants to be with only me, wants to get married, wants to have a child with me, and the other part of his life is over.
  3. carleneandrea
    I really did not want you to get this angry about it. I new regular joe was you and you wouldn't admit it. So I played with you. I thought everything was going along smoothly until this last post and what happened at home. Again, I didn't expect you to get that angry. You knew I was going to join a forum. I told you I was. You said "Do what you have to in order to understand." I guess it got to you.
  4. carleneandrea
    I am sure that he wants a future together. He wants to get married and start a family with ME. And yes about him not telling me earlier. I think he should have told me before we moved in. To leave now (if it comes to that-needing to be apart for a while) would be very differcult. My son is comfortable here and he made new friends in the neighborhood. School is only a few miles away and he is still with all his elementary school friends. Not only is my son comfortable, I am too. But, that is besides the point. I understand the curious part. No one is more curious then me. For a man to be curious about having sex with another man gets me, only because it's my man wanting it. Understand. And his curiosity ran for a whole year!! It was a monogamous relationship. He always said he would never cheat on his lovers. And he still doesn't want to label himself as bisexual. I don't understand--yes I do--denial! Well that's enough for now. I'm getting riled up now.
  5. carleneandrea
    Blender, I am not thinking of this as over. I very much want to work on the relationship. I have not answered his questions of our future together and he now wants to get married soon. I gave no answer. I did not know what to say. I want to be with him but can't commit yet. I really don't want to know everything about him. I am trying to accept what I already know. I know what you mean by having to know myself and seeing what I am able to deal with. I did not know that I would react the way I did when he told me of his affair. Now, since this happened, I realize more about me. I am also learning how I really feel about situations like this, when it comes to them hitting home. If a friend told me this happened to them, I would have said it is in the past move on. But now I am in the situation-different story. Regular Joe, he did have a very bad experience when he opened up to his ex lover. When they decided to end their relationship she told his family (sister). I can see how that affected him. She outed him. That's a no-no. The affair did happen years ago. He says it was just sex. So he had sex with a guy for a year and is trying to tell me he did not enjoy it. Of course he did. If he found it repulsive he would have done it once and never again. He enjoyed being with a man. The other thing you asked me about - "Do I get turned on by watching lesbian porn" - Sometimes yes and sometimes no. Hope this answers all your questions.
  6. carleneandrea
    I am curious to know why how long ago this happened, the relationship between the two of them, me watching lesbian porn and dating sites has to do with lying. My issue right now is he lied to me for months. I knew and he probably knew I knew but he insisted on not admitting it. The trust is damaged.
  7. carleneandrea
    Okay you two, no arguing children. Regular joe, I believe I have told my story. The information I gave, I thought, was enough for people to give opinions and advice. You seem to be pushing that there is more. That's it. I move in, I observed certain things that I thought to be odd, I put two and two together and formed a hypotesis, I approached him a couple of times about my thoughts and he lied, and finally after months of asking he told me about his experimenting. I don't know what you are looking for me to say but maybe you should go to another thread and look for it. Blender, your perspective has been very helpful in that you have made me think about things in another way. A way that I overlooked. Also , you have pointed out things I should be paying attention to (like myself.) The way I should be treated because I am an important person. Keep on writing to me because I do appreciate your perspective!
  8. carleneandrea
    I have been doing pretty good with the situation. We have not talked about it lately. We have not talked much lately about anything. The pictures I had in my mind of him being intimate with a man have subsided a bit. It is funny that picturing him being intimate with a man bothers me and picturing him with a woman doesn't. He asks me why? because he feels there is no difference with a male/male relationship and a female/female relationship. I have to say it is society that influences this reaction. It is more accepted with two females then with two males. He feels he is more open-minded . When I look at his personality he does not come accross as open-minded. He is far from being that way with our relationship. So when it comes to being open-minded about his affair with a guy it is OK. But being open-minded with our relationship is different. Whatever! Blender, I do not need him to love myself. I was just saying that he makes me feel special . I like me. I am a good person and a good mother. I would not have it any other way. I feel he respects me to a certain point. There are some things he does or says that I feel are disrespectful. Like him not telling me of his past relationship with a MALE. I am sure he will come up with something to say that he wasn't being disrespectful. Well, the trust issue is still an issue. It is so weird but I feel he won't cheat with a woman but might with a guy. Why? This whole thing is making me crazy. I had to stop thinking about it for a while. But it did not go away. Will I ever be able to totally trust him? I hope so or else I wasted my time and my sons time being here with him.
  9. carleneandrea
    I have been cheated on in the past. It probably just makes me more aware that it can happen even though you are in a long-term relationship(marriage). I 'm not punishing him because that happened to me, but it does make me more aware like I said. What I'm going through now is I think he hasn't told me everything about himself. That there is more. I don't even know if I want to know. "What you don't know won't hurt you" And now I don't believe certain things he tells me. He lied to me and was not honest so I 'm having a hard time trusting him. Without trust there is not a secure relationship. This weekend the subject did not come up but it is still there. He wishes I would just accept it. That's not the problem. It is the trust issue. Now I know he lies about important things. Not good! His thing is about working things out together so why when he knew he had deep feelings for me did he not tell and work it out with me? Why did he wait so long? I know, he was afraid of losing me. Well, because he waited so long he might lose me. I would have been better if he told me long ago. Blender, I have to say I do love myself when I am with him. He makes me feel beautiful, sexy, appreciated, like I am number one to him. That is important. But, what I don't like is when I tell him something he has to double check my answer. He does not take my comment or answer as being accurate. I am always right. hehe I would not give the answer if I didn't know for sure. If I did not know I would say so. This is getting off topic. Sorry. Just to let you guys know, I do know that the cheating thing would be the same if he was straight. Him being bisexual just means he might cheat with a guy. It gives him more choices. I don't want him to cheat with either. I don't think he would cheat with another woman but I do think he might cheat with another guy. I feel this way because he already has the intimacy with a woman(me) but he might long for it with another male. Maybe he does not realize it yet but, he might miss the male touch.
  10. carleneandrea
    I don't feel like I am obsessing. I am giving careful consideration about the situation. I feel like I deserve to take my time to either adjust or not. I am not about to make a mistake when I have my son to care for. I am enjoying being in love. It is the best feeling in the world. I am not letting this control my life, but I feel it is important to analyze the situation. I just can put it aside like it is nothing to think about.
  11. carleneandrea
    I really dislike it when we are having relations he brings up our plight. He, for the most part, says "Do you still think I'm bisexual?" My response always is "Do we have to talk about this now?" I don't think, in the middle of having sex, we should have this discussion. Am I wrong? Why does he want to talk about it then? We did have a discussion the other night, when we weren't having sex. I did come to a realization about the fact that I am telling him who he is. I keep saying you are bisexual, you aren't finished experimenting, how do you know you won't want to be with a guy? He answers "BECAUSE I KNOW!" He got upset when I continued to press these issues. He says he knows best who he is and I'm tellin him who he is. I can see his point because if it were me on the other end I would be very upset if someone was telling me who I am. Anyway, I am sure he loves me, I am sure I love him, I am unsure about--I don't know--but there is an unsure feeling inside me.
  12. carleneandrea
    Blender, I appreciate your advice very much. It has been very helpful. I did realize you were giving me a different view of my situation. I needed that perspective.
  13. carleneandrea
    Regular joe seems to be very familiar to me. Is it just a coincidence you are saying some of the same things my bf says?
  14. carleneandrea
    Well, I appreciate all that responded to my thread. I love what NHbaglady brought up about a monogamous relationship not being gender based. I did not know that men that are turned on by watching the gay porn are homophobic. Thank you millaj. And blender, you made me realize a number of things. I do feel calm, I am sure I am in love with him. He has not been honest with me and I bring this up all the time when the subject comes up. That is the first thing I say and I also say picturing him having relations with a male disturbs me. It dosn't with anyone else(my brother is gay and I have gay friends) but with him it does. It hit home with him. I am so curious about his relationship with this male(he won't tell me his name) that I ask questions about what they did and he does answer, except the name thing. I asked if they kissed, he said "No" and I asked "Well, how did you get horny?" He shrugs his shoulders. He said there was no emotion involved, but he was with this guy for a year. He also told me the reason why he did not share this with me earlier was because of fear of losing me. He told me to take as much time as I needed to decipher this. Now, he is getting a bit nervous because I am looking very deep. I want to know the root of this. I did a search about bisexuals and read some interesting research from Freud and Kinsey. I also told him I was joining a forum to discuss this with others. He was fine with it until the other night. He kind of freaked out because he did not know what kind of response I would get. Getting to be the time he gets home from work. I don't want to do this in front of him. Hope to talk again.
  15. carleneandrea
    No, he has not done any checking of men in my company except for the porn. We have discussed this issue and he insists he is in love with me. I just wanted to see if anyone thought he might want to experiment again. That it is not out of his system because he views the gay and tranny porn. He has not given me any reason to think he has cheated on me.
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