samiami

Well, it turns out I was right. He was cheating on me. FOR TWO YEARS. With this girl. When I approached him, I ended up feeling badly for doubting him, because he is so convincing and I love him so much. But then a week later, I receive a 3am text message from the girl saying he'd been cheating on me. With her for two years. I guess he had just broken it off with her and she called me as soon as she left his parents' house. I don't know what to do.

I say that if you're having doubts NOW and want to explore....well, this is the best time to do it. Don't wait until you've been together 5 years or something, it will only cause more damage. But the truth is that if you're having these feelings now.....they're probably not going to completely go away anytime soon.

I would like to know how to address it with him. I'll be the first to admit that I am a terrible conversationist. I am much better with a pen and paper. When I'm talking I tend to get overcome with emotion and forget all the things I wanted to say.

These days, I don't. You know that horribly oversaid thing "I love you but I don't like you right now"? That's exactly how I feel as of late.

Oh, good idea!

Well, just keep trying. You said you've tried ALMOST everyplace in town. Now try the rest. Don't consider anything to be beneath you. When you've tried everyplace, start over again. Just because they aren't hiring this month doesn't mean that they won't be next month.

He's a poker player, so he's proud of the fact that he doesn't give anything away. And it's true, he's great. He has the awesome way of making you believe whatever he says, even though you know it's not true. He's only lied to me one time that I found out about. It was a couple years ago. He had gotten off work and called me to say he was going to study for a test all night at his parents' and then come home. (our parents live in a town an hour away from our apartment. we go there every weekend to work at our old high school job) I was also in our hometown but was planning on leaving soon for Toledo (where our apartment is). My sister came home before I left and said that she saw him at the bowling alley, but he didn't see her. She didn't know the people he was with. So I drove back to Toledo and waited for him. He got home after midnight. I asked him what took so long and he said that the hood of his truck wasn't latched and he had to stop and shut it.....nice little story, I'm sure that took hours. Anyway, so I asked him if he had fun bowling and he looked at me and said he was only there for 15 minutes. He was there with two girls from work, they were supposed to be meeting some guy there and asked him to come so they wouldn't get kidnapped or something. But that's not important. So he's lied about where he was before. That's the only time I've ever caught him in a lie. Sorry I just rambled on there. As for the girl......I just don't know what. Maybe I'm just jealous of her and the fact that they are friends. I mean, she was my friend first, but now we hardly talk. She's passed me at work and gets better sections and hours (we're waitresses) even though I've got seniority and my boyfriend is an assistant manager. I don't know if I can trust my gut.

Yeah, do that after you get your job.

Well, then go about it a different way. Or drop it for awhile. A long while. If she's constantly hearing about it, she's gonna be pissed everytime it comes up. Give it a good LONG time before you bring it up again. Re plan your speech and go for it again.

Unless you can show her how mature you are and sit down and talk to her about it. Or write her a letter. I used to do that with my mother, we did NOT get along. But if you calmly approach a subject that is iffy with her, be prepared for it. Know what you're going to say. Maybe get a job and then talk to her about it. Tell her how important music is to you and how much use you will get out of the equipment. Tell her that you will only play loudly between certain hours of the day. Whatever you do, don't raise your voice or get whiny, because with moms, that only leads to her saying no.

I am sorry to hear about your dad. That is something that is very hard to get over. One day you will come to peace with it, but understand it will take a lot of time. As for the job thing, well, what kind of job are you looking for? When you've never been employed, you have to start out small. Go to restaurants and grocery stores. Those places are always hiring kitchen staff and busboys and bagboys and stock boys. You'll get hired. Heck, you could even get a paper route. They're not just for kids anymore! As for people picking on you, pick back! Being different is hard, but what makes you strong is being comfortable with it. When others see that you are PROUD of who you are, they won't have anything to pick at. Girls girls girls. You say that girls won't touch you. Except the ones you're not interested in. Now, the girls you like aren't interested in you, and the girls that like you, you're not interested in. I'm not saying you have to settle, but think about the reasons that you aren't interested in these girls. I mean, put the shoe on the other foot. Think how you feel when the girls you like won't give you the time of day. Now, look at those girls who like you and that's probably just how they feel. That's all I'm going to say about that. You say you fail miserably at everything you do. The only people that fail are the ones who don't try. You have to tell yourself that you ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST at whatever it is. Only YOU can give yourself the confidence to suceed. Besides, you seem to be good at the guitar. Why else would you want to pursue a career? The problems with your mom not buying you new equipment, well that problem will be solved once you go out there and get that job. Then you can buy all the equipment you can afford. And problems with your mom aren't going to last your whole life, you know. Eventually, you'll be moved out and you don't have to do what she says. For the time being, however, mom is the rulemaker. Everyone has to live under their parents' thumbs at some point, and it's up to you to make something of yourself so that you're not living there until you're forty-five!

Well, the thing is, she probably wouldn't tell you if there is another guy. I mean, she wants you to stick around, right? Waiting for her to make up her mind. You'd be a lot less likely to do that if you knew you were in competition with someone else. Maybe there isn't another guy in the sense that she's cheating, but just someone she's interested in and thinks there's a chance it will become some sort of relationship. Even if you did 'neglect' her, it doesn't seem like grounds for breaking up with you. Why would she want more time apart if the initial problem was time apart? I really really don't think you should wait around for her. My advice is to call her and tell her (or her voicemail) that you are either over or you're not and she needs to make that decision now, because you aren't going to put your life on hold for her. Sounds like she's been pretty vague about the time she needs. Find out what exactly she needs it for.

He has guy friends. Two of them are in prison (I know that makes them sound bad, but it's a long story and they're not a bunch of losers) and the rest are off at other universities. He sees them over breaks. He has friends here at school, but none he spends a lot of down time with.

Are you talking about those who are saying "Don't, you have so much to live for"? Most of the people on this site have some sort of problem. Some may not be as bad as others, but who are any of us to be the judge of that? Like everyone keeps saying, please tell us what is wrong and we'll see if we can help you out. That's why we're all here, and I'll assume that's why you're here talking about suicide. Deep down you WANT help. So let us.

It sounds to me like she is interested in someone else. She's leaving you hanging with a little thread of hope so that if it doesn't work out with that other guy, she has someone to fall back on. If I were you, I would say "adios" and forget her.