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Chimeron

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  1. Hey everyone, This community looks great, the people who come back to it over and over to give advice and support to others are amazing people. I found this place since I've had a real problem making and, more importantly, keeping friends pretty much my whole life. Recently, things have gotten even worse, to the point where now the only people who ever start up conversations with me are either friends of my sister or mum or other family friends (who talk to me more or less only because they're friends with my mum or sister and it would probably seem rude for them to not try and make conversation with me), the really friendly people at university who practically talk to everyone (but since they know so many people and I'm more of an acquaintance to them I can't exactly talk to them too much), or one of the few friends I have (who only do talk to me rather occasionally anyway). When I happen to talk to people, if they're not really talkative most of the time is filled with dead air (neither of us saying anything, me because I can rarely think of anything they end up finding remotely interesting to say in the first place and them because they've quickly depleted anything they could think of to say as well). To give you an idea of how often people bother to contact me, I quickly checked the last email and the last phone text message I've received from anyone (ignoring spam and ads). The last text message I got was nearly a month ago; the last email almost two months ago, and even then that was just a forwarded email of some kittens and puppies (which was rather cute, though...). In the past, most of the friends that I've made (most have been online) have gotten sick of me after a while (from a few days or weeks to a year or so) and even then it's very rarely the case that they'll contact me or anything. I've tried to be optimistic about the future and forget about the past, but after things never seeming to improve the optimism quickly gets drained away. Worse, for the last month or there abouts, I've become more and more of a recluse, even though I do really want and need company. I've seen counselors in the past, but they never really helped me much, and I always found it hard to talk to someone who I couldn't consider a peer, about something like this. Hopefully I can manage to be completely honest on here. Like I might have said before, I don't care so much about making new friends -- since even if I'm horrible at doing that it's made redundant if I can't stay friends with them, or improve the friendship -- but I definitely need help keeping friends and improving the quality of my friendships. So what do I do?
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