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Actually from my point of view, I wouldn't say "high confidence" - of course I would probably be unattracted to somebody with very low self esteem - even as a friend, if their constant insecurities were manifested in mildly abusive, obsessive or persistent ways, but somebody who may not be totally confident and have an air of vulnerability about them may also be attractive - in fact even more attractive in a way if it brings out my caring side.

Funny...I stumbled accross here again, and it's been a year and four months since I wrote that original post - although romance-wise nothing has changed. I have blossomed in terms of confidence and gone through certain events in my life which have given me a strength to no longer "need" a relationship and develop a genuine sense of solidarity and self-worth in myself to be satisfied with myself. I can sometimes "attract" people as friends or somebody to get to know...just not in 'that' way... That said, it doesn't mean I don't WANT a relationship, and I cannot deny this feeling with a false sense of emotional strength by simply shutting off emotions. It seems funny how people say things like "I'm sure you shouldn't have any problems finding a date", etc... as if it's THAT easy to find somebody, even on a "dating" basis. While very few people may view me as somebody they want to date (well, I can assume, but I don't know) but at the same time it is the same from my side, and there are very few people I am attracted to. In any case feelings have never been reciprocated, either from the other side or my side. Maybe I just need to get this out after feeling rather rubbish with another case of unrequited love recently... When people say "I've been dating a lot recently" I am genuinely astonished because such a situation is nigh on impossible for me - even one date - not for a "nobody loves me, I hate myself reason" but because there are so few people I would want to have a date WITH and vice versa with other people - it's not that I am "picky" at all...I can't just make love or attraction happen. To give you an idea, in my life I would say that there were under 10 people I have met which I would have liked to have dated (although never did!) I'd rather reject this sort of relationship - also if you read my original post you will see that I do know what it is like from a male point of view much more than most women...

It's something I have always been very miserable about, and in a way there's a part of me that likes being miserable about it because it allows me to cathartically vent my frustrations about how sad and alone I am, and eliciting attention from those around me to care for and hug me and reassure me. I know that really that is what I am doing, but I know this is an awfully negative thought pattern and I don't know how to escape it. I have tried to view things differently and it worked for a while - I was just happy with my life, and when I am busy, this is how I tend to think, but it always returns back to the fact that I feel I will always be miserable and alone regardless, terrified of the future and something awful happening or me dying alone and loveless, and feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't connect with people on a beyond-friendship level. It feels as if the only solution to my problem is to travel 1000 years in the future and rewire my brain with some kind of machine so I don't think this way anymore.

My main trouble is that on many (but not all) occasions, many people notice that I look tense or scared to such an extent that they tell me so, and I'm just fed up of overthinking and having this sense of self-consciousness - if I don't think about socialising then it can just happen naturally, but how can this be when I can't stop worrying? I don't want to be closed to people, I want to forge new friendships and I know I have a lot to offer and I know I could make somebody very happy, but how can I just stop being stupid and becoming extremely boring company because I'm nervous? I just hate it and it's like some kind of demon controls me as if to steer me away from bonding with somebody else more closely.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I know really that while I tend to indulge in feeling sad and moping about my loneliness, I do know that I do have the true strength to endure and live my life as a single person as well...but sometimes it is just so difficult when I feel the need to be close and finally have some kind of emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy that is so sorely lacking in my life. I can focus on other things, and indeed I often do, and I also know some of the reasons why I don't tend to attract people - It's quite difficult for me to loosen up and relax and make myself open to people - when I talk about something close to my heart I tend to become all inarticulate and nervous..but it's very difficult changing this pattern, and the draining feeling of melancholy won't leave me. However, I am now far more sociable and up for enjoying myself and also willing to be more open and honest about myself, yet there still lies the core lack of confidence and debilitating self analysis that goes on in the back of my mind, almost as a stubborn remnant of my days of when I buried myself in study and never socialised.

Yes, that really is me in the picture, thanks Well it's something people have said me, that I tend to look afraid when I first meet somebody, which can be surprising since I don't often feel that way, sometimes I can forget I am even transsexual at all. I wonder how I can generate somebody's interest without contriving my behaviour, since I feel I am sometimes too restrained, not necessarily in the sense of confidence (though sometimes that too) but in terms of sexual and attractive chemistry, and that I cannot seem to express this with anyone, and I can often be the "lovely person", but not somebody you'd particularly be interested in.

I'm a 19 year old girl, who has never had any kind of relationship, never kissed, and never had any romantic affilitation with anyone in any way. I have tried everything.. Improving myself, my self confidence..And that has increased hugely, and I am far more sociable and outgoing than I used to be, but the same problem remains, I don't have love in my life, not just in the romantic sense, but I feel a general emptiness within me, and it's something that I can temporarily forget, yet it always returns to me. Some people still say I seem reserved or restrained, yet this shocks me, because I feel I do not come accross like that, and have far improved from how I used to be. I have great friendships and connections with people, yet I can never elevate it to anything beyond that, and it's just impossible for me to do so - the same pattern repeats itself and there is no possible way for me to have a relationship, perhaps because I seem unapprochable. However, I consider myself very romantic, sensitive and loving, and longing for a sense of connection not only in a relationship, but within myself, and it just feels as if something within me is dead. However, while I may sound like a lot of people here, there is something that makes me very different...I am a transsexual, which brings further complications - however, since I have unusual hormone levels, I still have a slim build, smaller even than a lot of natal women and I have had people who do consider me attractive as a female, so in terms of appearance, I don't have too many issues, and I am also able to modify my voice. But of course, I was forced into the male role in my earlier years, which has perhaps hindered my ability now, although it could be considered an advantage as well, although I am interested in both women and men. I have tried to think positively, and in some ways I am confident in myself, yet in others I am horribly self destructive, but it seems that I can never escape from the negative thought patterns, the self pity, the crying, the tempers, the anger, frustration and depression from always knowing that there is always somewhere somebody would rather be than with me. I do not see how anybody could be attracted to this lack of confidence, although even when I do have confidence, which is much more often nowadays, it makes no difference, and while many people around me seem to be able to pick up dates and have relationships seemingly at will, I would feel that it would be a significant step in my life even to be physically intimate with somebody for half a millisecond! I am young, but all that means to me is that I have longer to wait to realise that I should not rely on somebody else for my happiness and that I ought to adapt to living my life on my own, yet I cannot eliminate the need for connection which feels as if it will never, ever be fulfilled.