SummerGirl38

I can agree with everyone's guilty by association theory with people we don't know well, but this is his girlfriend. My boyfriends BF is a woman magnet. Do I worry about my boyfriend cheating when they are out together?, NOPE, because I trust his morals I guess we first need to ask how long they have been together. If this has been a long term relationship and his girlfriend has not shown him that she has the same morals that her friends do, then I think his worrying is pointless. This is like assuming every man is a Cleveland Browns Fan because he hangs around with Cleveland Browns fans, and every woman can't cook because her friends can't cook. It isn't until you truly know a person that you can form this type of opinion and even sometimes when you do know them well, things happen. Furthermore, "JUST MY OPINION HERE", I don't think there is a person in this world that is in a relationship that does not stand the chance to be cheated on by their SO. Our world is filled with temptation, this is what God gave us eyes for in my book, but that sure doesn't mean I would hurt the one I love because some cute guy waves his wad of cash at me either. Love comes and goes and you never know what will happen. Sure I "HOPE" my boyfriend and I are together forever, but ya never know. Again, just my opinion, but I refuse to spend my life worrying about "what if" thinking. If it is going to happen, it will, until it does, I'm going to have a smile on my face. I think he needs to come right out and express his worry about her friends and ask her opinion on it before he "assumes" anything, that's all.

Just my opinion, take it with a grain of salt, but I feel you should trust a person until they prove they cannot be trusted. Your g/f has her own mind and can make her own decisions. If she too decides to cheat, shame on her, but you won't be able to stop her if that is what she sets out to do. I have friends who have cheated. All I tell them is I will not lie for you and do not involve me in it Honestly, until she gives you something to worry about, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!

I can honestly say I haven't read you other threads, but what I have gathered from this one is one thing... YOU DON'T TRUST HIM (Not saying you don't have past reasons not to), but the bottom line is still YOU DON'T TRUST THIS GUY AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HIM. I was with a guy like that before ( I called him my walking, talking h*rd on). Just in my opinion, if I got to constantly worry when the next skirt is going to get his attention, he just isn't worth it. Life is way too short to be unhappy.

I didn't think I would get to use my line twice today, (My Grandma was so smart for telling me this), but here it is...... NEVER WASTE YOUR TIME ON A GUY WHO WON'T WASTE HIS TIME ON YOU And what in my experience has always worked for me, like the TLC song goes Erase...Replace....Embrace, New face

It's not ironic that she mails him at set times, I don't know why she does it, but it's not 10 e-mails a day. And if he told you he'd stop, why are you removing his opportunity to show his trustworthiness. I couldn't have said that any better myself. Could it be the 8th is some significant day, say they started dating on the 8th and every time the 8th rolls around, she thinks of him. Take the high road and trust him until he proves he cannot be trusted. Otherwise you could look like the crazy, jealous girlfriend. Not that I think you are, but some guys do see it that way.

I feel like a horrible dog mommy, so I changed my Avatar so everyone can see the little demon dog I love so much. Thanks again everyone, I feel horrible, but atleast I know how to handle it now.

Honestly I'm not trying to make excuses Scout. I am only trying to describe in a little bit more detail what is being done, which is basically snapping that choker collar tight and maybe some butt smacking.. I don't want to portray my bf as some kind of monster here though either. He is a very gentle man (to me anyway). I just don't think he has patience when it comes to an animal. Maybe the way he was brought up, don't know, don't care, either way, I basically just wanted to see if anyone else out there has a SO that disciplines this way.

Thank you so much everyone. I just didn't know what to think. I think you are right, Riley does need some training to say the least. But the bf needs to be told on no uncertain terms, hands off. I hope everyone isn't getting me wrong here. He doesn't kick him or punch him upside the head or anything like that. That's a big difference and I would have already probably kicked the bf's for it. I do have a choker collar on Riley, because the little was like houdini and would always somehow manage to get off of his collar and roam the neighborhood. The choker collar was only my last resort to keep him from getting hit by a car. I have seen the bf pull that choker collar tight though. I don't know, I just know when Riley feels pain, so do I

and can I add that his Rotweiler growls at me atleast twice a day and nothing ever happens to her. I feed this dog, play with her, but when he comes home she is his dog and his dog alone.

First let me first say, he's a great guy, the love of my life, hard working, warm, patient, faithful, he treats me like a queen..... BUT.... I have never been able to have children, which I will say has always bothered me deep down. So I decided a few years ago since I can't have a baby, I'll get a dog. "Riley" my two year old Beagle is my kid and has been since the day I brought him home. Until I moved in with my bf, Riley slept beside me every night. I will admit Riley is a bit of a demon dog. When it was just Riley and I he had eaten my mattress, my couch pillows, my comforter, ruined carpet from peeing, but he does have a good side, he's a Mama's boy, he loves kids, he knows a few tricks and he can't stand to be away from me, not to mention he's the cutest little Beagle ever. Well the bf doesn't have any patience with him to say the least. Riley snores (LOUDER THAN A HUMAN), so he sleeps in the cold basement, while the Bf's dog sleeps upstairs. On more than one occasion, he has made him yipe. Last week Riley was getting sick on the kitchen floor. I tried to get him outside but he wouldn't stop throwing up. My bf grabs him by the collar, makes him yipe (loud) and put him out the door. The other night, I was trying to get Riley to his cage for bed. He did not want to go to say the least. He ran from me, I chased him and got him by the collar, my dog actually snapped at me, no blood, not even any contact but still, he snarled his lip and kinda lunged my way. NEVER HAS MY DOG DONE THIS. Well I smacked him in the nose (not very hard), told him bad and put him in his cage. Well a big no-no, Riley decides there is one spot in the basement he wants to pee (even though he's 95% housebroke), the spot is on my bf's punching bag. This morning when I was leaving for work, I discovered I forgot my cell phone and turned around, I walked in the door to hear Riley, yiping loud, three or four times. He was spanking (I think it was spanking, they were downstairs) him for peeing on his punching bag the night before. It makes me wonder though, if he's making him mean and that's why Riley snapped at me. I know I'm probably being overprotective and maybe a drama queen here, but every time he makes my dog yipe, I guess it's my motherly instinct kicking in, I wanna yell at the bf, I would never lay a hand on your kid (he has a 6 year old), Don't F'ing touch mine. I'm thinking of finding another place, THERE IS NO GETTING RID OF RILEY, I sincerely love the guy and even want to get married but Riley is my baby. God everyone says you should raise puppies, yeah right, any opinions?

I have to give you some tough love here because I was married to one of those guys. The only way I have found to deal with an abuser (and that is what he is), is to put him in his place. Next time the name calling starts, very calm, but firmly tell him you will not take his abuse and name calling. You will not subject your child to his child like behavior. Calmly get up, take the baby and spend the night in a hotel. When you come home the next day, when he starts on his rampage (which he will), tell him if he cannot control his temper and mouth, he better get used to the fact of spending the night alone and he should get used to the feeling of having an empty wallet because YOU WILL, take his baby and HE WILL pay support. The only way an abuser can abuse you, is............IF YOU LET HIM. Best of luck to you honey, take care of you!

Misery loves company and I feel for you I went through this with a family member and God it was annoying. Nothing in their life was good, nothing ever went right, everyone was out to get them, there was such an overwhelming insecurity about EVERYTHING from their marriage, to their job, the world, family problems, you name it, it was bad. There was so much negativity it drove me nuts. You want to be there and listen to their problems but after awhile of that it's like come on, is there anything good about your life. There are people out there like this that always need to have a controversy in their lives to feel complete. My advice to you is next time she goes into one of her tantrums. Stop her and calmly ask her, is there anything good in your life? Keep doing this and hopefully she will finally catch on that she is being a drag and you don't want to be a part of it. It kind of puts them in perspective, it worked for me

Oooh, that story lit my fuse! Ok, I guess I will be the rebel here and say "No Deal". Stand your ground soldier! I am a woman and if my fiance was in the military and wanted to wear his uniform to our wedding, nothing would make me more proud. I might even insist on it. To me, nothing is more handsome than a man in uniform, whether it be a cop, a fireman or a military man. This is your day too, be proud of who you are and what you do. Don't let ANYBODY take that away from you. Maybe remind her that it's that uniform that keeps her safe at night and she SHOULD be proud of it!

I just went through this eight months ago. I also don't have any kids, but have raised a few. My BF's five year old is EXTREMELY shy. She wouldn't even talk to her father in front of me at one point. I took it slow and talked to her, never pushing her for a reply. When she was coloring or playing with her play-dough, I would ask if I could play too. Sometimes we would play together in silence. Sometimes I would talk and be silly if she didn't even crack a smile, It was still o.k. Until one day about a month later I was walking out the back door and she yelled "Hey, Where are you going"? in this little demanding five year old voice. It actually scared the beejesus out of me. Now God love her, she never shuts up. The moral of my story is let her come to you. This will be more of a scary situation for her than it is to you. You are the stranger here. Don't be scared or intimidated. Ask her questions about herself. What does she like? What shows does she watch? Wanna play a game? You get the picture Relax, you may not be a mother, but you have been a kid. Best of luck to you!

This chapter of your life is over, close the book. Don't waste your time on a guy who won't waste his time on you.

Sure I would. Maybe then my jaded boyfriend would believe that not ALL women are cheaters. Give me the address, ha-ha

I did this once and my bf loved it. You obviously have a computer. So I went to Microsoft word and made him up about 30 cute little, colorful coupons, for example a back rub or foot rub that he could cash in at any time, I listed the expiration date as "Eternity". Some were a little more risque, ok a lot were, but all of them said at the bottom that this coupon is only redeemable when it is presented to "your name". God help ya if he wants to cash them all in one night. Good luck!

I have dealt with depression and anxiety for the last ten years. I got help and learned so much about it. By going off by yourself and staring at a computer screen for a few hours is withdrawling from a situation that you don't know how to handle, this is completely normal. Does that make you abusive? No You are going through a lot right now, a sick wife, being the soul provider. Possibly thinking that things will always be this way. How am I going to handle all the bills?, What if she gets worse?. You are using that computer as an outlet for all the stress. I spent hours online playing cards, because I didn't know how to handle the situation I was in. I developed anxiety after a car wreck. It drove me to the point where I couldn't drive anymore. I had to quit my job, I was totally dependent on my husband. I had no escape. I couldn't go see friends or family because I couldn't drive there. I had to ask my husband for money. It was the first time in my life that I couldn't take care of myself. It was such a 360 for me a woman who had a full time job for 15 years before that wreck. So like you, I chose to occupy my mind with a game because I couldn't deal with it. When we don't know how to handle a situation, people with anxiety tend to focus our problems onto something else and you are BOTH doing it. She, I'm sure is scared, never had cancer before and probably needs a couple extra spoonfulls of love right now. Maybe in an odd way she feels like she is failing you and your marriage by being totally dependent on you. Well she don't know to handle all that so she throws the blame elsewhere, onto you, and now it's your fault because you are "supposedly abusive". You, like many other men think that if you give a woman a nice house, a fancy car, a Visa with a nice cushy credit limit that it's a way to show her how much you love her and that is admirable. But take it from a woman who has been in that situation, I would have gave it all up if my "Ex Husband" would have just tried to understand what I was dealing with instead of telling me how I wouldn't be sh*t without him. I wanted his love, not his Platinum Visa. What you both need is to address your anxiety and depression. If you want some pointers, I would be glad to share. I have since recovered and I am living a normal life again. I'm divorced, but that's only because I didn't have any guidance on the subject before all my love turned into hate. First step, get off this stupid computer and go give your wife a nice warm hug.

Well in order to get the full picture here, I guess I have to tell the whole story. Fred and I dated in High School, fell madly in love and got engaged. Being that I was only 17 at the time and Fred was 19, my parents were against the marriage taking place at such a young age. As a typical, in love, seventeen year old would do, I rebelled against my parents. My mother found a note one time that said we would go out of state and get married because I was a minor and a minor could not get married in our state. My mother finding that note put a real damper on Fred and my relationship to say the least. We had to have supervised visitations and it really got to be a bummer. I broke up with Fred and gave back the ring. Time went on and a couple of years later I had looked Fred up, but it was too late, he had already gotten married, so I went on with my life. Then about four years later, Fred called me and told me his wife had cheated. I felt bad for Fred but thought finally I would once again have my chance with him. Well as it turned out, Fred forgave his wife and tried to work it out. Once again, I moved on. Two years later Fred had run into my father and told him he had just got divorced. He asked what I was up to and sadly my father told him that I had just got married. Six years later it was my turn, I had just got divorced and wanted to see what Fred was up to, well once again, Fred had just got married for a second time. Once again, I moved on. Fast forward ten years.......... I am out looking for an apartment so I can leave my latest bad relationship and I happen to drive past this guy who is out in his front yard pulling weeds. The guy turns to look at me, and I thought to myself "Wow that guy kinda looked like Fred". I got about five houses past his and I guess you could say I took a leap of faith and whipped my car around. Sure enough it was Fred. We ended up talking for about three hours and decided to go out and talk that night. Everything went right back to 21 years earlier, it was love all over again and this time even better. I moved in two weeks later and it has been absolute heaven ever since. That was eight months ago. All I can say is that I love this guy to death. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and he says the same about me. He tells me that the way it happned, it must be meant to be. Problem is, he's jaded by his first two wives. One cheated and one was a drunk. I want to marry him so bad, I guess you could say even more so than the first time we were engaged. I know this guy is gun shy and his last divorce is coming up on one year There has been some "small" talk about marriage like when a Kay Jewelers commercial comes on T.V. but nothing more serious than that. I waited, hoping for a ring at Christmas but nothing happened, then my birthday went by and again, no ring. I keep hoping and hoping, but I just got to say to myself, maybe it never will. Maybe he's ruined. Although he says marriage doesn't scare him, he still thinks most women are just a bunch of cheating, drunk liars. What to do, I love him! Ask him?