DragonofChaos

Since this is your thread happywithu I'm going to leave it to you to try to explain what it's like, and what goes on in the mind lol. It's really hard for those who aren't experiencing it to try to understand, which is fine. I think you and I, happywithu probably have the exact same thought regarding this subject

Good god happywithu if you were in my state I'd have to swear to you that you were my long lost twin!!! I'm going through the EXACT SAME THING. I too don't usually mind the fact that my bf had a bad past and is afraid to marry but lately he's bringing up buying a house together and always references our future and it's got me thinking about it too! For the past year I've been driving myself nuts about our relationship as it progresses. I really feel for you and I wish I had a permanent solution for you, all I've been doing is pampering our kitty, and giving our new kitty more toys then you could imagine >.>

Thanks, I think that's what I'm going to end up doing. Maybe go managerial before I end up going to another type of job all together.

First of all, don't think you're alone. Trust me, you're not. I am a fat chick and I have a skinny, very handsome, very sweet, etc etc boyfriend, and seeing pictures of me standing beside him make me want to go insane too. Thing is, he adores me. And your fiancee adores you, and if he didn't, you wouldn't be his fiancee. I'm going to have to go back to doing this as well so feel free to throw a practice what you preach sentence at me What you are going to have to do is do some "inside" work. By that I mean stopping what you're doing, sitting down, and having a conversation with yourself. Dig deep. Find out exactly what it is that's troubling you. If it's just the weight problem then you can deal with that. If it's the fact that you're surrounded by skinny peoples, then you can deal with that. The fact of it all is, you can deal with it. Once you pinpoint your exact issue, go from there. Also, don't think of any of it in terms of "omg I'm fat I gotta get skinny" no, think of it in terms of, "ok I'm 'this way' I want to be 'healthy' so what do I have to do in order to do it?" I'ma tell you what, Weight Watchers...isn't a good program. You'll have to go back to them for the rest of your days to keep the weight off...just do it yourself. Eat right, (or start eating in the right direction) sit up straight, carry a little confidence in your walk. Even if it's fake confidence, just keep telling yourself that it's true, eventually your mind will catch up. It really is the little things that you do that make a difference. It's going to take a lot of time to get to a good point but that's what you'll have to do. Also, you're probably going to have to end up doing what those on ENA told me, go seek therapy. Good luck to you in all that you do. Edit: When it comes to you being on a diet, don't expect others to remember. You have to remember. It's your body not theirs. If they go to Burger King and you go with them, it's up to you to get a salad. It's up to YOU. It's not that they don't care about you, and it's not that they don't want you to succeed, it's just that not everyone thinks about being on a diet they may just have forgotten. Eventually it will get accross.

I have a question for you guys. I have never been one of the "managerial" types. I hate managers in general and I didn't think I could lead a horse to an ocean to drink if it was standing in it. But, I have a problem. The fact that I work in customer service is a problem in and of itself but that's for another topic. Real problem: I've (finally) been hired on full time at this company. There were 4 of us that worked at night: Supervisor, Senior Rep, me, and another temporary employee. Now, Senior Rep moved to another state, leaving me, Supervisor and the other tempy. I find out they don't plan to hire another senior rep. Cool with me, I don't care. My supervisor has family problems all of a sudden, and doesn't come in. One month later, he has been here a total of 2 maybe 3 days. So that has left the night shift consisting of me and the other tempy. I got hired on in this timeframe, and they lied with some bull story about having "paid me too much" when I was a tempy so they'll just keep my pay the same. Now ordinarily I don't care, but because my supervisor has been out, I'm left as the only person who's been here a long time and because of this I'm stuck as acting as a supervisor. I have told the dayshift supervisor about this, and I'm getting nothing out of it. I've gotten a small "hey good job on that" and that's about it. No compensation, no recognition, no advancement to senior representative status. Should I: A) Continue to hound them about it until they give me a senior rep position and increase my pay for the increased stress/responsibility/time/pain/bs that I'm taking... B) Find another job that puts me in the managerial position (as I'm starting to enjoy the fact that others come to me with problems and I can solve them) or C) Outwardly refuse to accept any further responsibilities and find another position completely. I'm kind of don't know what to do.](*,)

Thanks for the words of advice and suggestions you guys. I asked my mom this morning if I had ever been to a doctor for any type of "emotional distress" and she tells me that when I was younger I went to a doctor and got put on Prozac for a while. Imagine me not remembering that . Anyways, when I look back into the past I kept seeing myself as the "lighter" version of who I was, and I guess I didn't really realize that not only was I "lighter" in the weight department, I was actually quite happy because I was a free spirit basically and I've gotten so worried about impressing (and keeping) a really great guy that I've lost it in the head department I don't even think it was about him looking at pr0n, it was just that I realized it was there and it sparked something else. I mean, yes, I would prefer it if he didn't, but I realize that a guy's brain =/= a girls brain in the least bit....and is a very scary thing to try to decipher. I do want to see a psychologist at some point in the future, I just have to do more research about them. I think it would help since I've basically blocked out all of my highschool years, it would prove to be a very intersting experience. I didn't really completely self-diagnose myself as having this depression, I have all the symptoms that are in a couple of journals, and I don't try to treat it myself or anything. I just realize that I have a 99% chance of having it. Although a general practicioner told me I was bipolar once...then again that doc was a quack. Anyways, I thank you all for your advice, I think I really needed some people to talk to, some outside intelligent people to talk to I should say Now, while I find out how to go about finding a good psycho-logist, I have to figure out how to really deal with the anger/frustration/rage I have regarding the "plastic people on tv" I want to also put out there that my bf has had no hand in making me feel bad. He tells me that I'm beautiful every single day and has never given me the feeling that he's cheating or anything like that. All of this is in my mind. I haven't spoken to him yet, simply because I'm one of those people that has to sit back and get things straight in my head before I say anything or it won't come out right.

Wow quick reply I haven't seen one because in the past I haven't really been fortunate enough to have a lot of money to pay for one and I'm just now getting insurance to maybe cover it if I should go (I'm not sure I have to find out). I've always wanted to go to one, just to see what they would say.

First time caller long time listener here (sorry always wanted to say that). Anyways, I have a little bit of a problem. Let me give you a little bit of history on me. 26, live with my b/f for 2 years now (known him for like 5 years now) and he's the greatest guy in the world to me. I have always battled with depression and chronic bipolar disease. I've never gone to a psychologist or a psychiatrist or anything like that, but I enjoy studying subjects and I have all of the symptoms. Now, I've also always been a fat chick. Yes, I am a fat chick, I don't deny it, never have. I've had to deal with it all my life no reason to try to make excuses for my life/behavior. In light of that, I wasn't always "so" fat. I was a good proportional size, and I was happy with who I was. Within the past year or so I've become so stressed with myself and so depressed that I've put on a LOT of weight. And it's starting to affect me. Not too long ago, I noticed that my bf had recently gone to a pr0n site. I know I know it's just a pr0n site, nothing wrong with a guy lookin at it, I would too if I was stuck with a girl like me. But just the fact that he looked at it drove me off the wall. Now, (this was about a month ago maybe) I've been slowly going off the deep end. It's not even about him looking at it anymore it's about the world telling me that I'm horribly ugly, I don't belong alive, and I really should just kill myself now so all the beautiful people can live in peace without me ruining it. That's literally what's running through my head right now. I can't get it to stop, it's driving me nuts. I can't function anymore, all I keep seeing is people on tv (I don't watch regular tv I just watch the news mostly at work) and everything that goes through my head is "Why don't you look like that?" or "See what that person has done? Why can't you be smart/pretty/successful like that?" It's starting to affect my job performance (low self esteem), starting to make me even more depressed, I'm gaining weight, I have had "accidents" now, I'm pulling out my hair..I literally have a bald spot now, and I just really don't know what to do. All my functions have ceased and it's just crazy. All I want is to not feel like I have to compare myself to other people again. Now it's like I can't do anything right. There's other crap that's wrong with me, but this is the main thing that I can't seem to let go of, and it's the thing that's pushing me down. Any insight would be greatly appreciated ](*,)