shadow34

hey guys

Just checking in been a long time for me...well in my eyes

Im sick as anything with the flu at the moment, probably all the stress from loosing woofy and the kids being sick and u name it....

So looking forward to getting back soon...

As for the ex Ive seen him a few times, of course he wants me back just doesnt say it but calls me all the time. I couldnt be bothered to be honest, I just say hi blah blah and hang up...Im not upset or anything anymore....thank god and all of your gorgeous people...

Big hugs to my friends, doni, rosi Mr echo, devast and anyone else I may have missed...

Going back to bed before I pass out, love to you all XOXOXO

Hi Everyone,

Just letting you all know Im still in the land of the living.

Im sorry I havent been on but Id like to thank all of those people for your kind kind words.

This has been a difficult time and at the moment my two boys are not doing so well with this loss, so Im spending time with them and time for myself.

Im sure you all understand, Im getting there, day by day, but for now, enjoy the beauitful picture of my baby girl here...now at peace.

Love to all XOX

Hi All

Thankyou for all your kind words of support, I dont know what to say as you can imagine right now I am just choking sitting here, the tears are endless.

Blueangel, I accept your apology, as you can imagine I was about to leave for the vets so I was a mess and took it really personally.

It reassuring to know that I can come here and you are all here for me, I love you all.

Shiva, you are here to support me , in my heart, thankyou so much for that.

Out of everything tragic comes something good, and in time I will get to that point. But for now, looking at the faces of my two boys when I didnt come home with her......

She was there for me when my marriage broke up

she was there for me when my relationship with my ex broke up

She was always there for me and now I got to help her, I love her so so much.

I need to go now, not coping so well but know time heals all.

Thankyou everyone for being there when I have needed you the most. xox

Hi everyone

Thankyou to all of those beautiful people who left me messages of support, I am truly grateful.

Im off to the vet now, which is very very difficult. Your thoughts of strength are with me.

Blueangel, Im sorry but I have to say this, you have expert under your name????? I find your answer incredibly insensitive. I mentioned nothing about the end of the world and I was talking about my dog not a relationship.

Just because this is my dog, it is no less painful than anything else. This forum is about support and grief my friend is not something you "snap out of".

Thank you to everyone else, I appreciate you...I will let you know how Im doing with time....

'

hugs to everyone

Hi Peoples

Well there I am plodding along thinking Im doing great, dealing with my break up...

If you dont see me around for a bit, its because my dog is very ill, she has gone down hill terribly and Im an absolute mess, I have to have her put down

So as you can imagine Im so upset I cant describe it......

To those who are still struggling with the loss of their loved ones, you are in my thoughts and if you need me email me email removed

Right now for me, life just sucks

I cant write anymore, I cant believe this is happening.

The whole point is, it is a new beginning for her and No she wouldnt be thinking he would end it again....the past is the past....

Love isnt a game, I think just go with your heart hun, you have nothing to loose contacting him and if he has a problem with it, well he cant want to be together too much.

Hugs hun

Hi Shiva

IM such a mess, I have to take shadow to vet tomorrow as she probably needs to be put down....i cant breathe

Hey Kev

Have I not answered you in another post or is that Dev...

hehehe Gets real confusing ....

Hey Confused

I think if you decide to give the relationship another chance and you have both dated in between then you wouldnt discuss what happened.

As far as I am concerned the past is the past and if you are getting back together with someone then thats where it should stay.

All of the problems in the relationship before you broke up were just that, before. You break up, you move on even if they be with other people and then if its meant to be you get a second chance.

So my opinion would be, If the couple entering back into a relationship arent prepared to forgive and forget and move forward with a clean slate then they are not ready to be back together.

As for who the people dates etc, its really neither of ones business. Thats just life and life goes on even after break ups and even if you love someone.

So in my opinion, if you cant make a fresh start and being with someone during the break up is an issue, then perhaps your not ready to be with that person.

I would define no one as Normal, in fact I dont even believe in the word "normal" myself

Ok well seeing this is about different opinions on here..hehe

Im going to throw caution to the wind and completely disagree with everyone...

So you went on this fab date and it all went well. Thats great and absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. The break up happened 3 years ago and you both should not hold any resentment or ill feelings towards each other because of it. Life has gone on as you have said for yourself and has been pretty productive and happy.

This man hurt you in the past. But that is what it is, the past. We cant keep this mindset that love is a game and that someone who hurts us has to make up for it in some way, thats not right. You either choose to forgive and let it go or you dont. There is no way of sugar coating it, there is no inbetween.

Of course I dont think you should go into this full force. But I do believe that after all of this time has passed, that you contacting him or texting him or emailing him is not going to push him away in the least.

It seems you have grown immensely and perhaps he has too, thats something by the sounds of it you are willing to find out. It's been a long time and you feel you have been brought back together , " a second chance".

The only way to know his intentions are to sit down and talk to him. If this scares him off, well hey he obviously has not matured at all and you definitely dont want to be in a relationship with someone like that at all.

Why people are afraid to communicate, I have no idea. But it is the only way to find our exactly what his intentions are. Something simple like " Hey I enjoyed your company the other night, would love to do it again" and with that Im sure it would progress.

Things arent always black and white and I am an advocate of NC and letting them contact you and all of those things. But I feel each circumstance is unique and you have nothing to loose by talking to this man you adore.

The worst that can happen is he says Im still not ready, or I just want to be friends or Im homosexual ( no offense to anyone by the way )..then atleast you can move on instead of sitting back and wasting more time wishing the phone would ring etc....

I dont think you are disrespecting yourself in any way. Your not begging pleading or doing any of those crazy things...Im quite sure that guys get sick of always having to make the moves.....

Baker boy made a fantastic point, you have to find a middle ground and you both have to work hard at it to maintain it.

You perhaps could have a second chance, go slowly of course but dont let it slip you by...the past is the past and thats where it belongs.

Sorry Guys, this is just my personal opinion

Hello My friend

I am good today and shadow is not so good, my poor baby

Im glad to hear that you had a productive day. I still have my son home with his broken wrist and arm so he keeps me busy.

Self help books are really good, they give you encouragement and make you feel not so alone in this crazy world. No need to thank me for the pep talk, thats what friends are for

I have had the MRI, I was having all these migraines and stuff, you'll be ok hun and Ill pray for you

Well speaking of housework (blah) I have a mountain of it to do, mate with kids its never ending lol...

Take care, good luck for today and we will talk soon.

ps: shadow is such a sook and she gets terrified if other dogs sniff her bum hehehehe! you wouldnt think she is a rottweiller !!!

Hugs Georgi xox

Hi Kate

How are you feeling hun today ???

Hugs

Cynical,

I sent you a private message my friend, please read it,

I have no judged you in any way, I have just shared an experience with you...

Hugs to you.......

Hey Shiva

You are too kind and I drink tea thankyou...green tea..no sugar...no milk hehe!!!

ps: Dont need the buddy system your already my buddy ...!!!

I could tell straight away you have grown a lot through your tribulations. I can completely understand where you come from explaining about your mother. Of course this affected her tremendously, but you cant change what you dont acknowledge and she has chosen this path. It is very sad, not just for you but for herself.

Im going to keep this short as it is getting late here and Im going to go and finish reading your other posts before I go to bed .. of course Im interested, Ive been reading before you said anything ..

We all make mistakes my friend, that is what moulds us intn better people in the end. As my mother always taught me these two valuable things I have always kept dear to me:

1. Mistakes are worth making if you learn from them.

2. It is better to have 1 good friend you can count on, than a bunch of good for nothings ( its actually a proverb from the bible but none the less )

Your time will come and you will continue to blossom and one day, we will be singing new york new york together

Hugs hun and sweet dreams...

Hi Shiva

Please dont apologise for the post, heck we are all here to help each other

You sound like you had a very demanding childhood hun. And look you have come out absolutely fantastic, you should be proud of yourself.

I know how you feel about the baby thing. Im 34 and still get questioned about everything lol...but my parents are very good to me so it goes over my head.

I know your mum is ill ( funny how we spell it diff ) but dont feel bad for that. Its not like your wiping her off the face of the planet. You dont need to live with her hun, thats not a good environment for you to be in at all. Dont feel manipulated in going back, stand strong your a grown woman

Your mum shouldnt even put you in that position to start with. I dont mean to sound harsh or judgemental but when I hear this I cant help but give my opinion. 6 Years old and you were the head of the household almost, thats just disgusting. This must of affected you tremendously. What a wonderful daughter you have indeed turned out to be. Your mother should be damn proud of you. And to be still living disfunctionally, has she not learned anything over the years????

As far as Im concerned you are absolutely amazing. The strength of character that shines through your messages on here utterly baffles me. As a psych I have seen a lot and when I see someone such as yourself have such a tremendous weight put upon their shoulders and are still here to tell us the story it enlightens my heart. You my friend are an inspiration to many many people Im sure of it.

Sometimes we have to hurt people for our own benefit....no matter how old you are this same message still applies :

Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one...

My dear Shiva, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your 39, this is your time now. You dont have to look after your mum anymore, sounds like shes got a zoo there to help her out lol...

Big hugs to you, wow you rock

You betrayed her because you drank...good god...Is this your mother or your girlfriend???...I mean your at that age and theres nothing wrong with a few drinks....

I think she is playing mind games big time so I agree with the others get out while you still can...

Perhaps your a tad obsessed with the idea of being with this girl and the feelings.

My friend she sounds like a total head *fluff* so I would give her a wide berth....You deserve better!!!

Masu,

Your 16 sweetie, trust me as you get older, their faults will show through...

but this is just gorgeous what you say about ur ex. Even though we are all slagging them off ( its therapy sshh )..you sit there and show you still have so much respect for her...

Is'nt young love so beautiful.....

*bonk* *bonk *bonk*

Hun its not a matter if you can stand what she has written or anything, even a response is what she wants.

I think for your own healing you really need to let go and NOT look at the blogs. Its just keeping everything alive and if its over between you, then you dont need to know anything about her.

Its a hard fact of life that when we love someone so much and the relationship ends we have to say goodbye to that part of our life and move on.....

Cherish the memories you do have hun and start healing by not going and looking at her blog.....

Hugs

Hey Mavis

Your words ring so true !!!

I cant count the number of times I heard over and over I want you blah blah ( and blah is what I ended up hearing as my interpretation ) and the sorry's that came with it, meant absolutely nothing, empty words.

I dont think there is really any signs that the ex wants you back...I think I would believe it if they came to me after a considerable amount of time. I think if you get back together too quick what have you both really learned.

They would have to show me sincerely that they wanted the relationship to work by actions. And...it is also a two way street. communication would have to be paramount....

LOL i know the signs that they arent coming back

I agree with all of the wonderful advice here from the enotalone family

My ex was similar but 24 years older than you both, how *fluffed* up is that!

When they say they dont want a relationship, they dont want one. They want to spread their wings or some other girls legs to be blunt.

It doesnt matter about the connection. I also got the same speech, its not you its me, I just dont feel the same way, I dont know why I dont want to see you its just something I have to do, blah mate the excuses go on and on.

Just because you love someone and have a mutual attraction doesnt mean you have to be with them. I have two children and if I loved someone so much, my children still come first. They are just gonna have to wait. Plus there are so many other factors.

Maybe he really does care and feelings for you but just feels that he is incomplete within himself as a person and needs to do this self exploration.

If you find his texts messages or whatever confusing and also the friendship then I suggest you tell him that in the future you would like to be friends, but while your still in love with him you need to heal and cannot see him or talk to him for a while.

If he does love you and want to be with you he will...we can try and understand what they mean but we will never get the answer we want...rarely does anyone.

So I would advocate NC and see how that goes..People treat you the way you allow them to treat you hun...

Goodluck and do keep us posted

Hugs

Mate, I say go for the mailing the plug to yourself...

cant go wrong there hehe

Devast you sligh frog you

Get a rebound and ask her to be your dog...Ill clip you in the ears.

You make a very good point about being positive and I am very happy to see this. I can your coming along, your getting there day by day.

Im so sorry to hear about your ankle it must make getting around quite difficult.

Its good that your telling yourself jokes to make yourself laugh...hehe even if they are lame...

Keep smiling hun, you make the world a nicer place

And Shiva ..Yes thats my real name although my dad calls me cookie ( I dont look like one I swear )

What dont I like about my ex..........

1.

2.

3.

4.

1,000,000. EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Shiva

That is the most recent photo of my baby, but I have some more so Ill take a look and put some new ones up

I work on the philosophy to do one thing per day everyday and eventually the day will be full. that way your only introducing one new thing each day and before you know it you dont even realise you have a whole day full

Im glad you feel a little more positive coming here..

Animals are so adorable, selfless in the affection and loving...its make my skin cruel when I see them being abused......Grrrrrrrr

Good luck today at your P+long word hehe Hope it goes ok, chin up remember your a super fabtabulous person

Georgi