Underdelusion
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About Underdelusion
- Birthday 11/22/1963
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Help me let go of the guy he once was...
Underdelusion replied to Lola55's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
If there are still emotional longings for him, than you are not truly "over" him. Play this game - ask him for a date and see what he says. Betcha that will help you get over him! -
how do i tell him?
Underdelusion replied to cominguproses's topic in Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
Yea, even if you "just want to be friends", that's no reason for worrying about "what they think about your personal life" anymore! Go for it! -
No one can do it all - but what do you do that you do well? Ignore everyone else in this case, and identify your attributes, and focus on that. There is no way you will ever even meet your goals if you keep moving them based on the continual growth of you and your surroundings!
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He sounds like a whiny 10YO to me. I think you are the older one there - in terms of maturity. If it feels good, it is good, and no one should complain to you about it. (IMHO)
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my parents are driving me insane!!
Underdelusion replied to missmebaby's topic in Parenting and Families
IMHO the only way to be free is to be free. Surely you have been saving every $ you make for your first apartment and UT deposits. Maybe now's the time to go. You may eat Spaghetio's a while, but you will have total control of your environs, and learn a bit more about the things that matter on your own. Have you sincerely justified your expenses - what's the guarantee that your college expense will provide you with a great return in salary? Wouldn't "staying in and working a second job" be a quicker solution than "going out for the evening"? Parents are just old kids, and when they are treated as one, they become one - Trust me on that one! -
Facebook Question for All
Underdelusion replied to GuitarmanIII's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
The answer lies in the words "peer pressure". To quote an old sage: Ignore alien disorder... (IMHO) -
Yes, remove the things that cause negative emotions. Live and grow from the lessons learned, and if you were faultless, than it is her loss, and you will find someone better. If you made some mistakes, address, reflect, and correct them and start anew. (IMHO)
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"However, if infidelity exists, but there is no intent to cause harm to others, and the possibility of unintended consequences and repurcussions are slim, then the only remaining issue is the OTHER partner(s); the one who is not aware of the infidelity." That is sort of the thread focus - Yes in a 'perfect' situation the only "evil" uit the effect to the other(s). But as I rationalized, if there is enough reason to stray, then one has obviously decided that the potential for harm is worth the consequences. (As I said, nothing is "till death do you part", and vows are only as good as the vibrations of the vocal cords in the real world. Guilt only works if you need it - look at how popular religions are...) It's the internal, rational answer to the question I am looking to find. But I presume that in itself answers it - it is up to the individual. Life sometimes is painful, but it is the self that is, ultimately, the best protector. Nothing like getting real inputs to formulate an opinion. Thank you.
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The 80% on drugs... Legal and prescribed meds or not? If prescribed I would suggest a re-evaluation, and if not, what types of drugs. Not all illegal drugs are ""Bad"" ("in the just say no" sense) but they ALL can affect the person within - and sometimes irreversably. I agree that you need to talk to someone who can give unbiased advice. And I would not delay, for I know how these things go from turbulence to crash-n-burn. (Oh do I know how...) Please. Sincerely. I do not know you, but I don't want anyone else to feel the way I was.
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Heartfelt, but what caused you to say all of this?
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First, I agree 100% that being dishonest with your parther(s) is wrong. I also know that people will do wrong things knowing that they are "doing wrong". Lastly, I do not condone, nor will I rebuke, someone I know for infidelity, unless I observe in it an intent to cause intentional harm to anyone involved. thereforeeee, I am aware that marriages have a religious and legal (as well as many written social) clauses forbidding infidelity. That is a fact. Beyond that it is strictly a social, and more directly, a personal issue. If one ignores the religious issue, and is not concerned with any statutes or judicial punishments, and all involved are adults of age, then I ask again, What is wrong with infidelity? Let me delve into this a bit. Surely if there are family situations such as children, than they may and usually are hurt in a situation of infidelity. Regardless of the outcome, infidelity on one (or both) of the parents WILL make an impression, and usually a damaging one on the children. But without that issue, what about other reason and rationales? Well, if one is having relationships amongst partners, without the consent of all, of course, there's potential consequences - the largest being an unintended disclosure of the situation to one or all! But also there are health issues - STD's being a major concern. Additionally, the possibility of one (or more) of the partners wanting to leverage the situation in a dishonest manner - the extreme being somone doing something that could cause death to those invloved and to innocents. However, if infidelity exists, but there is no intent to cause harm to others, and the possibility of unintended consequences and repurcussions are slim, then the only remaining issue is the OTHER partner(s); the one who is not aware of the infidelity. Not going into the whole realm of humanity, the sole fact is that there has now been a breakdown of honesty in that relationship. Sure, people stray from marriages for a fling, or have a few boyfriends in different cities, or like the sister-in-law, too, but if your primary partner is there for you and your needs, and you there for theirs, than why would you want or need to be unfaithful? What seems to be the issue, to me, at least, is the question of "is my relationship worth the potential for its destruction?" Also, in my case, this was discussed and agreed to at the beginning that there is no infidelity without explicit consent. To me at this time, the relationship is more important than whatever possibilities may be found elsewhere. But if that balance ever changes, I ask again, in consideration with the aforementioned, then: "What is wrong with infidelity?" Sincere responses appreciated!
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I prefer the direct approach. If one can not ask a partner a direct question. then there is no partnership, IMHO. Just ask "Are you wanting a relationship with B?", or "Why don't I talk to B with you?", and see what answer you get.
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Is she hinting at a threesome?
Underdelusion replied to letigr's topic in Marriage/Long Term Relationships
What does she say when you ask her: " Are you interested in experimenting with another woman?" "Would you feel comfortable sharing that with me or is this something you would prefer to do alone?" That should get to the bottom PDQ. As for "everyguysfantasy" - no, I have been involved in things such as these, and IMHO it's not the sex part that matters - the dynamics between intimate people can be so fascinating. -
As one who 'came of age' in those times, (Class of '81), it is understandable that some of those snippets of pop culture, and more-than-a-few relics from that culture below the surface have made a deep impression in my persona. It's just a bit ironic that it (the Darkside of the Wall) seems to play out as it was presented, even if a serious effort is made to change the outcome. I have studied many areas of the "human condition" from neurochemistry, faith and cultures, to animal behaivour and instinct, to age and gender roles, and, yes, have self experimented in modifying some of those on myself. But the end result still seems to be me. (Hey, stop singing that song about the lunatic!) I need no god or spirit to guide or direct me, I trust but verify, I reject societal forms of abuse and domination, follow no flag (but burn none either) and try to leave the day as I entered it. I can be offensive when defense is an option, and be passive when others may rebel. My sense of hope in the future is as neutral as my normal mood, and look at life as just something that exists - thereforeeee I try to be good, feel good, and adapt. The thought of having to pay to be entertained disgusts me, and yet, on my own (when I am) there's little that can be done that's without barter. Of course the power, the books, the hardware (Linux is free!), the muses, the occasional justified thrills must be bought, but beyond that this "material world" is just that to me. Somehow there must be a state of bliss that can be shared, remembered, and occasionally repeated....
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Why do we feel that we "own" our partners?
Underdelusion replied to Underdelusion's topic in Jealousy
Maybe "own" is not metaphoric enough - it is an emote provoking word - but IMHO, I comprehend that any relationship where there is a form of "control" to have a sense of "ownership"; a possessive tendency. I see this almost universally. Even in simple friendships, a pang of jealousy (BTW, I do equate jealous feelings to control - attempted or actual) can induce feelings of "you are my friend, you can't be his too", or "who invited him". Some need to be heard that becomes a vague but understood directive. Of corse in more committed relationships (and IMHO commitment should NOT equal control) there may be the aforementioned feelings, or more 'relationship preserving' types, such as "don't you dare look at those girls" - where you compromise something to appease the other. Even though there is no literal intent to slight the other, your freedom is stifled to preserve the integrity of the situation. Note that I am not talking about dominant/submissive relationships or apathetic ones in where no one cares. Of course dynamic factors like self-esteem, breach of trust, or inexperience can play a large role in situations as these, but in general, on a mature level, in a stable friend/relationship, isn't it a truth that most partners feel a need to "own" the other(s)? Maybe it's just how I look at things, but I honestly believe that I own no one but myself, and as long as I trust and respect the partner, and have an awareness of the (respective) situation, what they do in their life is up to them, and this seems so alien to others I know. Does this make this post any clearer?