CrZZy_me

honestly it isn't that this is a new problem. It has simply gotten worse since I graduated from college. When I had alot of friends I could rely on and talk to at least I felt that if I wasn't normal at least it wasn't a problem. I would say that I've been experiencing these feelings to varying degrees for the past 8 years. At least that is when I first started noticing them. I simply have gotten to the point over the past 2 years where I don't have anyone I can turn to for help. I would seriously consider seeing a counciler but I really have no idea how to go about even locating one that i can afford to go see who would have any capacity to help me. *sigh* What a pain in the butt... but I know even if I ignore it, it's not going away or anything. That just makes it worse. Typically if I just soldier on I'll get progressively more stressed out until I eventually explode and yell my head off at someone. Anyone who is familiar with a paradox, welcome to my life. If I do nothing I'll be misserable, if I do something I'll be misserable. Plus I have NO idea how to even start doing something, which makes me miserable. It's like a freakin Escher painting

Yea, I wasn't saying that this is what I had, it just seemed most like what I'm dealing with. I wouldn't think it would be that easy, google is a great tool, but I don't think it's the end all- be all

I forgot to mention, I have an accute phobia of doctors. I saw what they did to my sister when she had problems. They screwed her life up and made her much worse. If I go to a doctor they are going to tell me I'm crazy and put me on some pill or another. They don't give a damn about people, they're just cheap pimps for the drug companies. ... Sorry if you're a Doc and reading this, but I need help, not drugs. If I wanted drugs I'd just get some. Legal or illegal the the main diff is that illegal drugs don't require a $50 copay and the dealer isn't a stuck up quack. Hell... maybe I am crazy...

I'm scarely in a position to give advice to anyone about anything. However I will say at 16 people are mostly dumbbutts. In my experience most guys that age need a good behind kicking. But that's just my point of view. Keep in mind however that at 16 you are legally responsible for him. If he breaks the law, is caught after curfew, ect.. you may be held legally responsible for him and face legal repercussions. You might go to your local PD and find out what the laws are in your area.

This is my first post so forgive me if I FUBAR. I don't know what to do, I know I should talk to someone, I'm getting to the point... not where I'm going to hurt myself, that seems like it would take alot of work. But I don't know that I'd do overly much to stop someone else from hurting me either. Not that anyone is trying to, but it seems like a bad thing that I don't think I could be bothered to save my own life. Anyway, I've been doing some detective work on google and not to be a hypocondriac (sp?) but it would seem that the description of borderline personality disorder would seem to be fairly accurate to discribe what I am dealing with. From a googled search (I can't post the link or I would) * Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (I have panic attacks when dealing with women I am interested in, ironically I have much better relationships with women I hate than ones I love. Better to be alone than to be left?) * A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation yes * Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self god yes * Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) (I struggle with compulsive sex and eating disorders) * Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior (not actually trying to hurt myself... so I dunno) * Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) Well.... others would probably say so * Chronic feelings of emptiness Check * Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) yes * Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms No idea what htis means so can't say for certain. If it means that you shut yourelf away from other people and feel like a complete outcast from society then, whoopy, I win! I would say with certanty that I could fit the majority of these criteria. Athough it is entirely likely that these are syptoms that are mirrored by something else. Anyway, I'm completely shut off from any forms of help. I really don't know what to do. I don't have any friends that I can turn to. I can't talk to anyone at work about this I would lose my job for sure. I can't turn to my family, they aren't to be trusted. Honestly I wouldn't even post this note if I thought anyone could track it back to me. How can I get help if I'm terrified of getting help?