I'm an recovering addict and my boyfriend is an alcoholic. We started dating in September and we were both drinking a lot, I was taking pills, etc. My drug of choice is pot, which I haven't smoked in 18 months, but I was using other methods thinking I was still "clean."
I made my views on pot apparent to my bf on our first date. He had a hotel room that weekend so of course being the horny addict that I am, I went back with him and we had sex. I had taken an overnight bag with me and left it in my car haha. I went to get it and when I came back he told me he had just smoked a bowl. I flipped out and told him the entire saga of me and weed (long story short, I lost a job, was unemployed for 8 months, tried to kill myself and ended up instituionalized). After I told him that he took his bag of weed, took me into the bathroom and I watched as he flushed it and he promised he would never smoke again.
Things were going really well (except for the fact that I had to take 2 weeks off of work to go into a day hospital which he was very supportive of) and he was staying at my apt for weeks at a time without going home, so he moved in with me and my roommate on Dec. 1st. Normally I wouldn't have done this, but I've been strapped for money and splitting the rent 3 ways f-ing rocks!
Last week his drinking got out of control. Monday night he stayed up all night and drank 12 beers and some wine. I woke up twice and told him to go to bed but he said he couldn't sleep. He ended up not going to work the next day - duh! He works with his father in the family business and around 9am tuesday morning he called his dad and told him he was on his way. Then he decided to lay down and take a 15 minute nap, which of course he didn't wake up from until 4:30PM.
In the meantime, his family was freaking out with worry so his mom emailed me, and his dad and his brother both called me. I called him reapeatedly but he didn't answer. So I called our other roommate and she said he was asleep. His father was PISSED. When I finally talked to my bf again that afternoon I told him all of this and he was very upset with himself. I watched as he poured out all of the alcohol...which was a LOT. He said he needed help and he was never going to drink again.
I told him to call his Dad and straighten things out. He said he called Wed and then he told me that his Dad said he couldn't trust him, etc and not to come back to work until he gets himself together. Then he told me that he wanted to go in and talk to his Dad on Fri...he told me after that it was more of the same conversation. One thing you should know is he is petrified of his Dad. He's messed up many many times because of alcohol and his Dad used to beat him when he was little.
Saturday morning comes and his mom calls me. She told me that no one had heard from him since Tuesday. So he lied to me. He blatently LIED to my FACE!! So I went and woke him up after my convo with his mom and I proceeded to rip him a new one. I told him that I felt taken advantage of and really stupid. I mean I'm an addict, I should be able to spot lies when I see them. So at this point he feels awful and decides to come clean with all of his lies. So he tells me that he smoked pot once in October and once LAST WEEK with his brother. I flipped out, had an anxiety attack and told him that i made myself perfectly clear that I cannot be with someone who smokes weed. I'm still not sure he understands actually. But he told me that he's not going over there anymore and when his brother is feeling lonely he can come to our place.
Anyway, we went to AA that night and Sunday night too. He *says* he hasn't had a drink since that binge monday night, I haven't had a drink since then either. Am I being really stupid for hoping that he'll get better? We're so in love and everyone who knows us says we're absolutely perfect for each other, even the ones that know he's an alcoholic. But how can I allow myself to trust him again?