Ok, I am going to say sorry in advance because I think this is going to be long......
I will start from the beginning:
My boyfriend (well i guess ex now) were togeather for about a year and a half, he broke up with me yesterday. We are in a long distance relationship and spent a lot of time togeather over the holidays. In that time we told our families that we wanted to marry eachother and went and looked at rings togeather. We went as far as deciding where we wanted to get married, and alot of other details. And it was not just me, I am very scared of being hurt, so I would not go about planning those things on my own. He was very very involved, even at some points more than me. Our best friends were so excited for us, they have said how perfect we were togeather from the beginning.
We have never had major issues, we were a very strong couple with a foundation in God. As christians we made commitments to eachother about the direction and priorities of our relationship.
We got in a small argument a few days ago, I really dont even remember what it was about. But the next day he had lost his phone so we only talked online. I was feeling somewhat lost about the direction of our relationship at that point, really just feeling insecure about not being about to talk to him, and I had asked God for guidence. I do not like to see anything wrong in our relationship, at least not anything that we can't work through. I was just feeling uneasy, and just put it in god's hands.
The next day when my ex-bf and I got a hold of eachother on the phone he sounded very strange. I knew something was going on but I could not get him to say it. Finally he told me that he did not think that he wanted to marry me anymore, that he thought he might be leaving me. I asked him where this came from and he told me that he has had this feeling in the back of his head for a while, and he was going along with the wedding stuff because he wants me to be happy. I think that this is the most hurtful thing I have ever heard. I mean just a few days earlier he told me that he had "the ring" narrowed down to two choices. I was trying to get answer's out of him for a long time (about 2 hours), I know I was being crazy--but have we not all been there at some point? And he was acting so cold and distant, this is not like him. He is a somewhat emotional person, and does not ever lie to me. So just the idea that he lied to me over the holidiays was a huge blow. I knew that there was something going on that I did not know about.
Finally, after about two hours of crying and trying to get answers--and him being as detached as possible, I stopped crying and tried to calm myself down. I asked him just to lisen to what I was about to tell him, he said ok, and I said "I just want you to know that I love you, and I will let you have your space, but until I know I need to walk away I will be here for you and will love you."
At this point he broke down, he cryed harder than I have ever heard him cry. This went on for about 45 minutes, and he could not even talk--or he was trying to and I could not hear any words. Eventually, I could here him say he was sorry for doing this to me, that I was too good for him and he really does not want to see me hurt. At this point I told him I forgave him (I did not think that this meant we were getting back togeather). I spent sometime whild we were on the phone, and he was crying, praying for him. I did this becuase he sound so hurt and I wanted him to have peace of mind. It hurts me to see him confused, and when I was praying for him the crying got louder, he told me it was because he was amazed that I put him in front of me at that point.
At this point we got off the phone, I told him I would leave the calling to him, and he could call me and tell me good night if he wanted to.
When he called me back he explained to me that his doubts about marrying me came from his fears that he would not be a good husband/father. Through all of this he had been saying that he loves me and wants to be with/marry me. He was telling me that he did not think he was going to be good enough because he did not have a relationship with god outside of our relationship. And w/out being a good christian man he could not be a good husband.
Then he started referring to it as a "break" and not a break up. Which I think taking a break is a load.
I dont know what to do. He says that in an ideal world I would wait for him, but he has not given me any reason to do that because of the way he treated me. And I dont feel like he is trying to fool me here.
Any thoughts would be so wonderful at this point. And even if you dont have a comment, thanks for taking the time to read.