Weary

Well I will never forget this article I read in a magazine (yay for being bored at the library..lol). But it took 6 women...all of which were the same size (size 8 I believe)...all were the same height...yet all of them looked different. They were photographed together in their bras and skivvies. Their weight was distributed differently based on the individual. Some had bigger butts, chest, thighs...whatever than others.

Further..does anyone know what a true size it? Clothes manufactuers don't have a universal standard...you can buy a size 6 in one store...and a size 12 in another. Height plays a factor in sizes..and if one has a body part that doesn't fit the exact dimensions...you either have to go up or down sizes.

Regarding the OP...

Like I said my honest opinion is that if he is dead set on finding someone very slender/thin/skinny etc...then he should be stating that in their profile. I will say one thing though...when you make your standards so small and narrow...there is less of a pool to draw from. And when there is less to choose from, there is a hell of a lot more competition. And because of that...that means the people demanding it...must also beef up their own 'personal resume' and outshine their competetors. JMO

I have 2 points to make...

1) Body type/physique is subjective. Words are subjective. What is overweight? 10 lbs over 'ideal'? What is ideal? Some measurement like the BMI (that someone invented) that doesn't take sex, muscle mass, fat %, and body structure into account? I once saw someone post on another forum...that his gf was 5'5 and weighed 110 lbs and she could 'stand to lose a few pounds'. I just about went cross eyed reading it. I have seen women's profiles that say they are 'average' when in my perception they were quite thin. People have different definitions of what is considered 'thin' 'average' 'overweight' etc. To me it is a little hard to say someone is lying in their descriptor if they see themselves that way.

2) I have posted this thought on dating websites before..but if one thing is very important to you...say thin women...then it must be said in their profile. Saying..'I am attracted to petite women' or whatever saves a lot of time and aggrivation. Some people don't like smokers...so they state that in their profile. I don't see how it is difficult to state your preferences. My idea is...if it is important to you...state it.

I think you should be perfectly fine. Maybe I am more 'lenient' on the subject but I don't think being 'average' and adding 10-15 lbs throws you into the overweight category in my opinion. I suppose of all the wrong things in the world, all the facets of dating, all the problems it takes to find someone intersting, fun nice, etc....weight (again in my opinion) should be the least of anyone's worries.

Introversion is often seen as being shy, anti-social, socially inept, geeky, etc.

However, in psychological terms, being introverted means it taxes a person to be in social situations, and extroversion means it energizes someone. I have always been outgoing and quite social, but I am an introvert. Meaning, I definitely need my 'alone time' and being 'social' for extended periods of time makes me tired.

 

Sorry, but porn is a sad excuse for not physically making love to your partner. If anything, like I said above, you can simply imagine your partner in your mind while you masturbate; very simple.

 

Too many twist and spin the issue. Sorry, I don't buy it.

 

If anything, I consider my girlfriends mind more important to be thinking of me, more than just her physically doing it with another person. It'd kill me if I knew my girl was fantasizing about someone else when we make love. I'm not in a relationship with a woman just to physically have sex with her, but for her to commit herself to me emotionally, as well.

So what is the issue....is it with porn or with masturbation? Everytime you are horny, is she expected to rush home from work/school/church/dinner whatever to satisfy you? (This is in responce to : 'Sorry, but porn is a sad excuse for not physically making love to your partner')

Furthermore, who said porn was about wanting to sleep with the people on the screen? There is a difference between watching an action (ie the sex) and wishing you were 'there'. If you call porn mentally cheating then so is: romance novels, ANY movie that has a racey love sceen, dildos, vibrators, lubricants, etc. Becauese what you are saying is that *anything* that does not include *just* your current partner is cheating.

I hate to tell you this....but people's minds are just that, their own. People are allowed to have their own fantasies whether they include you or not, and that doesn't equal cheating. Sometimes I fantasize about having a different job, doesn't mean I want to quit, or that my job sucks. If it would 'kill you' that your gf may think about some beau-hunk with a hazy face while masturbating, then it shows the extent of the insecurity you feel. You say you are in a relationship not just for sex, but for emotional commitment....does she love porn actors? Not likely. Emmotional commitment does not equal emotional possession.

Don't foget ladies and gents, that a woman can be a gold-digger without the guy having tons of money. They don't have to be millionaires, or rich. They can be blue collar, middle-class. The point is, is that woman is only dating him for the money/gifts/trips/accessories etc.

Regarding your friend...

I am not sure if you have asked her...or already know the answer from her telling you....but we have to look at the motivation. Meaning..is he asking because every other woman he has dated has been after his cash? Is he asking because everytime they go out she never offers to pay for anything? Does he lavish gifts/money on her and she soaks it up like a sponge? Is he flashing his money around arrogantly (expensive car, clothes, watch, house etc)? Does he have a tendency to be overly generous? Does he brag?

Some women would be offended. Some wouldn't. However, I equivicate this to women asking if he is only dating them for sex. Many women ask and wonder about their partner's motivation.

Love WoW btw...gogo TBC

Nope the apathy is just on the dating spectrum. I rarely think about it...and when I do it's because someone is drilling me about why I am not dating. The other areas of my life are great

Yes, I do enjoy being alone...I like the freedom. This isn't so I can party and not 'worry' about anyone or anything like that. The last guy (mr.passive aggressive) would talk about women he thought were hot, all the girls who 'wanted' him, etc....and a few years back...that kind of talk would have driven me up the wall...but he talked about it and I could care less.

I tend to lose the luster very quickly. I will tell you...the last I don't know how many guys have been the following..

Started out very confident (thus a large part of the attraction), were humerous, liked going places and also liked hanging out watching movies. After 2-3 weeks they would turn into these insecure sobs...and making me responsible for all their feelings, their life, their spare time, complaining, being meledramatic, attention seeking etc. Now, the common denominator is me right? Like I said they start one way then revert to the above...and then it just repulses me. I have no idea how to decifer the truly confident guys from the ones 'faking it'...except time. Then the apathy kicks in.

Then it just steamrolls. I am to the point where dating is absolutely the last on the list. I would rather not conjur up the effort. Sounds bad

I think you're missing the point... yes everyone is a "visual creature", in that they possess the gift of vision. However, men - moreso than women (apparently) - can be stimulated simply by what they see - this is what's meant by "visual creature" in this context. Women, however, respond better to touch - that is why most toys are geared towards women. Men watching porn is just the same as women using a sex toy.

Actually they have done many studies on the responce of both men and woemn to porn. They find that men and women both get physically aroused by it in the same way (ie visually); however, more women are apt to deny the arousal because of social stigma.

My point is, people say 'men are visual creatures' to use as a justification to why they watch porn...instead of just stating the facts which are "hey I like it, hey it gets me off quicker"...or whatever.

People use the 'visual creature' comment because they are thinking of biology, brain physiology etc. The main thing there is that researchers don't know if men are actually born more 'visual' inherently, or if they become more visual through socialization..thus changing the brain.

Further men and women respond to touch the same. There are virtually no toys for men with 'touch' in mind...except for the pocket P****. Women respond to auditory stimulation more, however, again it is because women are socialized this way. In this day and age with the media, advertisements, etc both sexes respond more to visual stimuli than in past years.

Regarding the sexes...there are far more similarities than there are differences.

I posted a few weeks ago about a question/problem, and someone posted something that has gotten stuck in my brain and I can't quite figure it out. Long story short, I keep getting complete duds in the bedroom...and well outside of it too. Someone had said something like....maybe there just isn't a lot of chemistry. Now the brain is a whirring...lol.

I am 27 y/o. From the ages of 13ish to 19 I always really wanted a boyfriend and relationships. I did have them (lots of crushes and those 2-week to 3 month 'relationships'..lol), but thinking back I was far too hard on myself. I felt that I was ugly, was insecure about it, wasn't comfortable with myself etc. I met my now ex-fiance at 19. Dated for 5 years. There were some good times, a lot of bad times. I stayed for so long (due to insecurity). So I came out of that and did a lot of personal growth.

I have essentially been single for 3 years. Yes I have had the odd bf/dates/interests but they have not gone past 3 months. The chemisty comment is starting to really get to me. Because when I think about it...I haven't felt any chemsity or great attraction for any of them. In fact..in the last 3 years I haven't felt any chemisty with anyone. I am extremely apathetic about dating. I used to think about it all the time, and now I could care less. I used to think about meeting a guy, dates, sex, the whole nine...now I don't even think about it.

I do not hold any disillutions...I don't think about getting swept off my feet, or the knight in shining armor or anything. I just don't care. I am not sure if my apathy in these short term relationships is the cause of them being short term....but I just find out really quickly that I am not compatible with them. To be honest, I don't think I am compatible with anyone...but that doesn't bother me either. What bothers me is the fact that I am apathetic to dating, men, marriage, and children (having them). I never used to be this way.

Honestly...my 'dream man' (not that I have one, but just a figure of speech) could walk up to me tomorrow and I would probably shrug and walk away. I am starting to wonder if this apathy is normal, a stage, a passing whim...I am not sure. Anyone else feel like this? Comments always welcome.

Well I can add a few points...

1. Personally I hate it when people use the justification 'Men are visual creatures'. EVERYONE, save the blind, is a visual creature. Our primary sense is sight.

2.The porn industry was geared solely to men. Now however, the industry has started catering more towards couples and women.

3.This is a generalization...but people call men who look at porn disrespectful, pigs, rude, whatever. Yet no one questions the vast amount of women who read romance novels. If you want to talk about 'unrealistic' expectations...read a romance novel

4. Both men and women get horny. Sometimes they want a 'quick fix'. They don't want to go through a 10, 15, 30 etc minute sex session for an orgasm. Porn allows that orgasm to happen quicker (due to increased stimulation).

5. Many women use vibrators or dildos. Can you imagine if your bf knew you had one, forbid you to use it, would rail and scream at you everytime you used it...and got teary eyed "do you prefer your vibrator to me?! I feel so inadequate...".

6. On a more personal note. My ex liked his porn. (I didn't realize until much later he was in fact actually addicted to it). However, I loathed it. I hated it. I would freak everytime I found anything. I realize now...that I was very insecure about the relationship (with good reason..long story..lol). I was insecure and jeleous. I thought my issue was with the knockout women and the perfect bodies, and the feeling inadequate. But what it was as me not trusting him (again good reason and knowing that everything could and would turn his head. So the issue wasn't the porn, the issue was my perception and projection, and his inability to be forthright, honest and trustworthy.

I am pretty sure the last guy I dated had more than 3.5 inches from his palm to his second knuckle. . So if I was a guy I would have a 6 incher...and I have small hands...go figure. Your calculation is wrong...there is no way to tell unless they actually take it out for ya. There is no correlation with penis size and anything else, except genetics. Although I think it would be rather weird to ask your bf or date to see his Dad's, uncle's, brother's et al penis before you saw his. JMO

Marriage and relationships are not supposed to make someone happy. They are supposed to enhance a happyness already there. You cannot be a passive player in a relationship and expect something to change. If you want to continue being with her, then contribute to the solution, whether that be therapy, listening, talking, activities, etc. Marriage is a partnership. Personally I think you are already on dangerous ground when you think your wife stresses you, and you would have more money without her etc. It seems you are dwelling more on the problems, than on the solution.

Marriage takes work, ups and downs, stress, problem solving etc etc...but the point is you both do it and work at it together. If you were to walk away now and file for a divorce...could you honestly sit back and say you both gave it your all?

Dream symbolism is subjective. For example....I could dream of say flowers...and to me flowers represent weddings. However, to you flowers symbolize death (funerals). There is no universal symbol in a dream for anyone. So take a look at how you are feeling, your feeling about your ex and go from there. Sorry I can't decipher for you...but like I said...it based on your feelings and your own interpretation.

Astrology signs are based on generalties that could apply to anyone. If it applies to you it is because you are looking for it to apply to you...ie - self fulfilling prophecy. Human behavior and interaction is based far more on nature and nurture, not what 4 week time span one was born in.

"He doesn't really have money for a gym, or so he says. I hate it that he says he can't afford it and then him and his brother go and buy this huge tv!!! They don't really know how to prioritize. I go to the gym as often as I can, and it would be cool to go together but he says he's always tired after work. He installs windows and repaird them all day. So he is up most of the day."

Their priorities are just that...their own. You feel that YOU want to lose 10-15 pounds, and have decided to make it your priority. If you are no longer attracted to him because he is overweight, then I suggest you break up with him. Why make a point of cajoling, hinting, flat out say, whatever that he could stand to lose a few pounds when he himself stated he liked the way he was....and up until some point, you liked the way he was.

Getting on him about losing weight will build resentment. Losing weight is a huge lifestyle change, and one he either doesn't want to make or cannot make. You start on him...and he is going to feel like you are suddenly trying to change him, and mold him into something else. Losing weight, eating better, etc is a choice HE has to make, and not one you can thrust on him.

Alright...looks like I have some clarifying to do...lol.

It is not *just* the size of their package. The last few, like I have mentioned...have been absolutely terrible in the other areas as well. In the past I have 'guided' them, I have discussed various things with them (in a positive way...you know stuff like 'When you do this it feels good...when you do _____ it feels amazing!"). I have liked them....and the fact that they were terrible in bed (and terrible does not just = penis size) I have thrust to the back of my mind and ignored it. I did like them, so I never mentioned it (except various forms of encouragement), and continued to have 'relations' with them because I liked who they are. So, I have never dumped anyone because of this...however, when other situations/problems came up and it wasn't going to work out...these issues have come to the forebrain.

I think honestly...the last few...have been vastly inexperienced, and have derived what little they do know from Porn. I could care less if they like porn and watch it....but if they are getting their ideas from this medium as opposed to say some educational books/internet/experience...whatever. then that is a huge part of the problem.

I do very much realize that every woman is different, and do believe in communicating various things in and out of the bedroom...but in addition to the 'package' they seem to not know even the basics. And despite..in the past my effort to explain, problem solve, encourage etc they don't seem to get it. I am 27 years old....and the men I have dated have been 28-36. Personally I don't think at either of our ages I need or should have to explain the birds and the bees...or 'teach them' the basics. Yes...2 people can learn and experiment together...but I am not about to write a novel entitled "Weary's guide to lasting longer than a minute, then not asking stupid questions after like 'Did you go...even though I did nothing to stimulate you whatsoever'"

I also think...in addition when I say inexperienced in the bedroom..they have also been inexperienced in relationships as well (Could be wrong, but I would think there is a correlation there).

Well...that is part of the other problem too....

They are either terrible at Oral...or talk a big game about how wonderful they are at it...then don't do it. Have some misconceptions about women and orgasms...like..."Did you 'go'"...after a whole 5 thrusts. There is that old joke about men not being able to find the clitoris...which I thought was the funniest thing in the world...as I had never known anyone who DIDN'T know where it was....until the last guy :S Or my personal favorite...men who reach down and rub like they are trying to remove a wine stain from the carpet :S

I realize that just cause a guy is endowed...doesn't mean he is some super hero in bed. Yes I do believe 'it's how you use it' (among other things), but with these last few...it's like asking a painter to paint...with no paint. The other thing I am finding extremely weird...is that the last few keep wanting me to get on top. If baffles me...because if I were to do that...the moment I shifted (not even move) they would come out.

I am the point where I am starting to feel old...cause I keep thinking about the good 'ole days...lol. This hasn't been every guy I have ever dated...just the last few.

I would love to believe the shoe theory...but one guy wore size 13 shoes :S

Alright...so I am trying to find a way to put this delicately...and I really hope I don't offend anyone...or make them feel bad.

This thread is regarding penis size. I wrote a thread the other day...briefly mentioning this issue, although it wasn't the main issue. So to start off...I don't expect a bf to rip off his pants and have 10, 9, 8, 7 inches there. At this point I am dying for them to just be at least average. (Average = 5.5-6 inches). If I had that I would be one happy girl.

Over the past few years, the men I have encountered have literally been 3-4 inches erect (and girth isn't their friend either ). I know this not to be the case of 'it's like throwing a wiener down a hallway' (ie not me). I say it's not me based on what they have said...both in and out of the bedroom...just during sexual discussions.

Sex is important to me in a relationship...and I am getting to the point where when me and a guy I am dating...and first get sexual...I dread what I am going to find. I don't say anything...as I don't want to make them feel bad about something they cannot help...but I would actually like to feel something when I have sex. I have no idea what to do...short of asking them their size and looking like a total shallow pig. Any thoughts or advice?

Just so everyone knows...

Men have erections several times a night during the REM sleep cycle. When men wake up with 'morning wood'...it is simply because they woke up during the REM sleep cycle. If you woke up without morning wood, it is because you were woken up during a sleep cycle other than REM.

To be blunt (enotalone members will get used to it

People, men or women...when they are interested in someone make the time and effort to see them. Think about it...you get really busy..and you are super into him...what do you do? You think of times you can see him...re-arrange scheduales, you plan and problem solve, etc.

When I am really into someone and I have plans for a night...and they ask to go out that night...I immediately follow up with something like 'Aw, I have plans x night....what about X night? You free then?" Almost everyone I know does that.

Further, people string others along ... and do it because they can.

Good Luck...hope everything works out for you

Normally, I would definitely do it in person. And yes I know what it's like to get dumped on the phone (after 5 years and being engaged The guy is a text junkie...at the age of 29..lol. I expect that from younger people I suppose...I text rarely (mostly to see if someone long distance is going to be around for a phone call).

The reason I suggested email...is because of his obvious activeness on the site...it would seem redundant to 'dump' him. I mean...either he thinks we are dating, and he is cheating....or he doesn't think he is dating me...thereforeeee it wouldn't be cheating. And either way...he doesn't 'want' me...so I don't see the need for a discussion, and/or explanation.

Simple, if you are not happy dump him.

 

It's quite easy.

If you read the whole thing, you would have discovered that was the plan. I was questioning the 'email' method.

"I apologize for the length, I needed to just voice the irritation....Is it acceptable to do this over email? I say email because I really don't want to talk to him further, nor do I feel this warrents some huge discussion about it...as it has been a little under 2 months...not some 3-4 year relationship..."

I will try to make this as short as possible. A friend suggested to me to try a dating site. So I looked around for a few days, and found one that I liked. I threw up my picture and a profile...and I got some really nice responces/inquiries etc. (We won't mention a few weirdos..lol). So in this span of time I was talking to 5 or 6 different guys. All of which were nice; however, one struck me more than the others. So, I went out with this guy, we had a really fun time, and continued what I considered dating. It's been about a month and a half since our first date.

I have always been of the mind, regarding the question "Are we dating?", that if you have to ask the other person if you are, then the answer is pretty much no. So, for the last month he has been talking about me meeting his parents and friends, telling people (then telling me the conversation) that I am his girlfriend, etc. So I think at that point it was pretty clear to me ..'alright we are dating/excusive'. There were a few things that bothered me...but I had brushed them off as me being paranoid/over analyitcal, etc.

What were they?

1)Passive aggressive - I realize that most people do not like confrontation, or avoid it. However, he seemed to throw in the odd cheap shot about something, every other day. I would rather someone be rude and blunt, than have something 'bothering' them...and make jabs about it...then brush it off as a joke..or something inconcequential. I have not called him on any of it...as I didn't want to overreact. However, this is really starting to irritate me.

2) 'Everyone wants him' - Every person that is female he has mentioned has had some sort of crush or thing for him. I could care less really, but the fact that he has to continuously mention it, screams to me insecurity.

3)The bedroom - I do not expect a man to take off his pants and have a 10 inch package for me. He is below average in size...and to be honest that would be fine except I don't think he has a clue as to what he is doing. Normally...or at least in the past I have always been very open about sex. But with him...I just sit there and think...do I really have to teach a 29 year old man what to do? Do I have to tell him it is okay when he can't 'go' because he watches too much porn? I could go on and on..but I will save you all the discourse.

4) Nothing in common - I am not seeing a thing we have in common. I have a very specific hobby which I love..and one that he makes jabs at. I have never said anything negative about any of his hobbies. When I do talk about something, I usually get cut off with a funny story of his own. So I have stopped talking about stuff...then get questioned as to why I am quiet.

5) Beyond comfortableness - I have never been too fond of the 'honeymoon' stage, I prefer to get to that level of comfort. (Where omg if your hair isn't perfect...it is okay). I do realize that the honeymoon stage is important, and almost integral to dating. This guy.. completely bypassed honeymoon stage and went straight to gross. Suddenly that clean apartment has 5 days worth of dishes, 2 weeks worth of garbage, crap laying all over the place, farting ALL the time.

I did like him to begin with. Now I just don't want to be around him. So I have been thinking of ways to 'break-up' with him. I say break-up in quotations because...here is the clincher...he still has his profile active on the dating site. I erased mine about 3 weeks in (when the gf talk started). I find the whole thing rather ironic. I was struggling with my own brain ('am I being too harsh?" "Am I looking for things to go wrong?" "Am I being narrow-minded?" etc etc) when he has been doing god knows what.

I apologize for the length, I needed to just voice the irritation. But I do have a question. My little discovery about his profile gives me the cement to be just finished with him. Is it acceptable to do this over email? I say email because I really don't want to talk to him further, nor do I feel this warrents some huge discussion about it...as it has been a little under 2 months...not some 3-4 year relationship. Any ideas/tips/comments?