DBranigan

Thank you for your message. I really do try everyday to be a better person. I don't want to label myself as a sad, depressed, angry person but at the end of it all I actually do label myself. I understand what you wrote but what I don't understand is me. I need to deal with my problems face on. Well this is the first step right? You know I try to do things right in this relationship but it never seems to be right. Am I that angry that I am insensitive to his feelings? Do I miss his heart ache that I and I alone create for him? I will be honest here, I have never questioned my love for him but I have questioned his ability to handle me. He sometimes says to me I am angry all the time. Not physically as I would not harm a hair on his head but more like I have a hump on my shoulder. That kills me. Its not that I be angry with him or life it’s that I sometimes (a lot) be in my own little world. I have always been like this. Example, my parents were afraid to send me to school as a kid because I kept to myself. I was bullied and teased but that changed when I started to play Gealic Football (Irish National Sport). My point is I have a way about me that he really doesn’t understand. I need to reach inside me and get what’s there out. What can I do to help me whiles sharing my life and experience with the man I love & also giving him the love and happiness he deserves? I don’t want to win or be number one I want to be the one he can looks up to when he is sad, lonely or even happy. I say I want a lot I know this but to want doesn’t always mean to say you can have. I have to earn his love. You know I am even talking more positively after reading your message.

This is my first ever post and I am not sure what direction I am going with this but I will try. I want to be as honest as possible when it comes to my heart and love. Here I go; I have been in a relationship for almost 1 year with the most amazing man I have ever met. I am truly happy and in love with him but the problem is me. I have been hurt in the past and to be honest I sometimes have a lot of bad memories and feeling coming back up. I can see that they are affecting my relationship with him but I find it so hard to talk about them with him. Its not that he doesn’t want to talk with me about my feelings, but more about me being ashamed of how weak I can become. I have this strong image in front of family, friends and even him but the thing is he actually knows that I am hurting. I can’t talk with him because I am afraid he will leave me when he sees this side of me. Due to this I am loosing him. Of course my behaviour hasn’t always been that of a loving partner as I am not including him in the matters of my heart. With this in mind we are experiencing a lot of difficulties. It’s my entire fault. Another side of this is he had to move back to Italy 2 months ago. This is making it even harder on both of us. I know he loves me but I need to show him and make him believe me that I love him with all my heart and that I will change and grow into a bigger, better, stronger man. I am so scared he won’t come back to Ireland to be with me as he still isn’t sure if he can do this. I am waiting for an answer and this happens to be the hardest time of my life. I know that feelings of ones heart can take time but I need to have something to look forward to or reach to. I won’t give up on him and us as he is the love of my life. Can someone please help me?? Anything?? Tell me to grow up?? Anything??