lostinlove23

I suppose I'm only torn because he's written me one of these before. Heart of my heart, I'm sorry to have reacted that way to your touch. But I can't be too close to you without being with you, at least not for a while. I don't trust myself to be too close too you. When you're close generally all thoughts and rationale fly out the window. I need to be strong now, at least that's what I'm trying to do. I know now that I can never make you happy. I wish to god that I could make you happy. Everything tastes like ashes. My head hurts, my stomach aches, how could you think this isn't hurting me? I do want to give you everything you could ever possibly need, but what do we do when our interests conflict? At first I wanted to be there for you through your difficult times. But I think I went about that in the worst possible way. I think I made a mistake when I added the tug and pull of our love on top of what you are already experiencing in your life. I was stupid and foolish. I regret my stupidity; I regret my foolishness; I regret my pride in believing that as long as I was just with you everything would be okay, that my love alone could sustain you. I do not, however, regret one second of the time we spent together. I still believe, and will always believe, that I am better for knowing you the way I know you. Whatever you may think of yourself, I know you to be wonderful beyond words, beyond any description. I am so sorry that we are not compatible. But I will always be proud to have known you, hopefully to know you, if you will keep me in your life in some fashion. I will be here for you, despite anything that may happen, I am here. I love you. Please, please, please know that I love you. Lovingly stubborn, hopelessly prideful, forever yours, xxxxxxx This was the letter he sent me back in August. We got back together a week later and stayed together until Christmas. I guess this is the reason why I am confused about the one he sent me today...is he saying goodbye? Or is he wanting me to make another attempt?

Maybe you should out the ball in your court and call it off yourself instead of waiting for him to do it. Or if you want to be with him badly enough, initiate the conversation and be straight forward, let him know you want to be with him. Tell him you don't like this state of limbo and you need an answer now whether it is to be togther or to go your separate ways. But personally I think he's giving you a line about putting his status as "single". He meant to do it.

I agree with dnozzle. Once you get past the first glance it's the sense of humor, the intelligence, the charm that is sexy. But if you want to go by first glances...a man in uniform is very sexy.

friscodj: to answer your q's - i saw us as temporary as a reaction to the constant break ups. I always told him that I wanted to prove otherwise but the thought stuck in his head. he wasn't much of a boyfriend because he never did much anything "boyfriend like" - phone call, emails, flowers...none of that. And I didn't care. I still love him. He lied to me when he told me he had stopped loving me. He didn't trust that my ex husband and I were not going to get back togther. We see each other every other day practically but it's only because he lives 5 minutes away and we have kids together. I have no desire to go back to my ex. As for why anyone loves who they love - I don't know. I know I am happy with him. I know I don't care about all the little things he has such a problem with. I know that all I want in the world is to be with him right now. I dont know why...but I know I do.

crazyaboutdogs: the "threat" he speaks of is my wanting to go home because he was busy playing a video game and I didn't want to sit around like a bump on a log. It was nothing more. He took it as a threat and treated me accordingly.

but the problem is that i DO want to be with him...i am questioning whether he wants another shot at a relationship though. I would be more than willing to approach him to start again but I am so very afraid that it's not what he wants and he is trying to tell me that in this email. kr356: I have never tried to make him feel inadequate. I have done everything in my power to show him that all I care about is being with him. His inadequacies are in his head. And i love him despite......

hope75: he doesn't do the "romantic things" that my ex used to do all the time. I guess it makes him feel inferior but I love him despite all that. The only obstacle we face is that when we have a fight he needs to learn to leave it as a fight and not turn it into a break up. Is this even worth pursuing? I know I love him and I have been in so much pain these past few days. My heart fluttered at the thought that maybe this was a way back together...but then again, I was worried it was the final goodbye.

no...i didn't do anything to him. he doesn't know how to handle arguments. he just runs away from them. he's never had a long term relationship...this is his first real one (almost a yr). I am the first girl he's brought to meet his family. We've done this before...gotten into a fight, he told me it was over and a week later professed his love for me again so we got back together. I agree some of his concerns are real like my friendship with my ex, but it's only because we have children together...but the other things, he just doesn't know how to handle tough situations. In that case...it means he's a jerk trying to manipulate my feelings.

I got this email from my BF a week after not talking to him after our break up... Originally I thought it would be much better for us both if I remained silent. That I should just let you go on hating me and thinking of me as an uncaring bastard. This decision was meant for your betterment; you have no idea how much it hurts me. But I want to be strong, be the man, stand up and shut up, take it and let it be done. Unfortunately I am in a moment of weakness and have convinced myself that maybe it would be best to say what I feel, regardless of the consequences. I never stopped loving you xxxxxx, I love you now and will love you always. The strength in you, mixed with the softness and saddness and pain, still makes my heart dance when I dwell on it. Of course now my heart is doing more of a funeral march than anything else. Many of the things I said on Sunday/Monday was out of pain and reaction to several factors. The fact that you considered us temporary, the belief that I still hold of your desire to return to (your ex husband), the constant reminders that I was not much of a boyfriend, the difficulty in working with you every day, the fact that (your ex husband) was over at your place at midnight, apparently my lack of trust, the fact that (your ex husband) wanted you back and with two kids has more of a hold of you than I could probably ever gain, and the disinterest you had in the effort I put into having a nice Christmas with you. Wrap this all up with my usual reactions to any kind of threat, which I don't tolerate from anyone, and you get my overreaction to you coming to me and saying "I'm just going to go home" on Sunday night. I'll say again, I don't respond well to threats. So I said some foolish things, mostly lies, to you on Monday. I think this is because of a fundemental difference between us, indeed between all men and women. Women want to discuss a breakup, analyze every moment and pick it apart, I guess in an effort to dissect the pain and maybe lessen it. As a man, I do not want to share my misery (ah how sweet) with anyone. I will wallow in my pain alone, suffer it and beat it, and emerge tougher. And you will never know how I suffer. I thought I was done with my heart along time ago, apparently it was still beating because now I feel it has stopped. The things I said on Monday where meant to get rid of you so I could be alone, nothing more, nothing less. You were a light in my life xxxxx, possibly the only light I have seen, the only warmth I've felt, in a very long time. What is love, but a dream? fleeting, pleasant, ever-receding xxxxxxx PS Over the last few days I have come to realize that my favorite moment was out in xxxxxx. I was sad, tired, so very tired, and drained all around. You feel asleep with me on the recliner at my Grandmother's. Waking up, I don't know that I have ever been happier. I only wish I could share what that moment was like. (This was the day of his Grandfather's funeral) PSS I've noticed that either you made your myspace page private, or specifically disallowed my entrance. I understand, though I only wanted to see you. The details of the break up if you care for them: We have broken up before and gotten back together before. This time we got in a fight on Christmas...he told me he had stopped loving me months ago and that I needed to leave. I need help...is this his invitation to try again, to let me know that he still loves me. Or is the "I will always remember you fondly" and indication that he wants this to be completely over? I love him so much and I want to try again but I am not sure if this email was a "I still love you" or a "final goodbye" Some points of clarification: 1) The "threat" he speaks of is me wanting to go home because he wouldn't get off his video game and it was Christmas Eve. 2) He feels he was a bad boyfriend because he doesn't do the usual boyfriend stuff - flowers, phone calls, emails...anything of the sorts. The inadequacies are in his head because I did everything to show him I love him and don't care for that stuff anyway. 3) He feels threated by my ex because my ex DOES do all the romantic mumbo jumbo and he feels I want/deserve someone to do those things for me. 4) I only viewed us as temporary because we kept doing this song and dance with the breaking up and getting back together. I did everything I could to convince him otherwise, that I wanted to be with him...we even spoke about having kids and buying a house 5) When he says he lied to me Monday - he told me he stopped loving me months ago. Told me he hated my every touch. 6) All these problems are ancillary if he would just discuss them with me. He'd much rather run away. That's why we keep breaking up. But then he realizes I'm not his typical go relationship, that his feelings are strong for me and we always end up back together. If only he can realize a fight doesn't have to turn into a break up we would be golden... 7) Yes...he seems a bit unstable but I love him despite. I know it's stupid but I want to be with him more than anything in the world. My question here is...does he still want to be with me?

I suppose his issue is that I have two kids and an ex-husband I get along with very well. I think it's at the back of his mind so any issues that come up just make it worse. Every time we get back together he improves a little. It's at a slow pace but he's trying. That's why I don't know if it would be a waste to give it all up. But as you said, if I'm sure it will happen again why bother. I do love him dearly and I know he loves me so much...is it worth it??? Some people have to deal with alcoholic BFs or druggies...I just have one that can't deal with fights. Should I give it another go?

My boyfriend (well, ex now) and I have been dating for 10 months. I truly love this man. However, he has never been in a serious relationship and he's in his thirties. Every time we get in a fight he breaks up with me and we always get back together a week later (this happens every 2 months or so). He just doesn't know how to handle arguments. This last time was exceptionally cruel as he told me he had stopped loving me. Less than a week later he emailed me basically pouring out his heart saying he has never stopped loving me, stating the reasoning behind his cruelness was to give me an out...to make it easier for me to move on. But at the same time he says I have been the only love he's felt in a long time and he has felt his heart stop beating since I have gone. In all our previous break ups he's never said these things to me. He's really in pain and missing me. He's a stubborn and prideful man, but I love him. Should I make the effort into getting back with him? And I'm not even sure if he wants to get back together.