Geez, I read the postings and I start asking myself " WHY Am I trying to figure out what the deal is and why I do doubt and hesitate and continue to justify my fiance's crappy behavior towards me?"
He says there are only 5 things wrong with me:
(1) I don't dress up enough, too frumpy, too 80's.
(2) In his eyes I'm not athletic or physical enough, overweight.
(3) I don't clean enough, I'm too messy.
(4) I am a social misfit.
(5) I am convinced he's always looking down his nose at me
(1) I'm in a job where I travel 95% of the time and the 2 days I'm home a week I run errands - I can account for every 30min. in my weekend. I've never made dressing up a priority in my life and he calls it lack of self-respect. I'll agree I can be lazy about it. He's like Mr. America at 43 appears no older than 29 and he's absolutely a physically beautiful specimen.
I'm a professional making $60K+ and in a factory so dressing up to work doesn't happen, I travel and that eats up into personal time so it also takes the joy out of making time for dressing up too. I know men want a pretty looking thing, and believe me I can dress the part. But if I typically get home only on Thurs or Fri. @ 7pm from the airport, and usually run 4 errands beforing going to my house after being gone 4 days, do you think I want to be criticized about my lack of style?
(2) I'm 33, 111 lbs. a size 2, 4'11" and when I gain weight it shows immediately. I am often told by the opposite sex I'm attractive. I know I am not physically fit and could get more toned - you know what the funny part is, the more he criticizes my appearance the less I want to work out... even though I usually enjoy it. I usually eat right and I know I could use more activity. Just 2 days ago he bought me a size M shorts because my butt is huge to him - IDIOT! whether I'm working out or not i'm a size 2; the proportions aren't that extremely off from top and bottom, he's just naturally cruel, I'm pretty sure of it... and of course, he truly believes he's justified.
(3) Everyone can't believe how spotless my home is - and even though it's been more consistent because of his complaining of my messines - of course it's not clean enough by his standards. His home is right out of a magazine - nothing very personal but very empty, cool, CLEAN, everything is in order. For years he didn't let his son hang pictures in his room because they didn't match the blue paint. Finally he let the kid have some individuality when he got into 9th grade and allowed posters to go up.
(4) In his eyes, I am a social misfit. His criticisms are just plain insults now. If it's not about how bad and embarrassing I dress, "Get some self respect and stop wearing the outdated clothes," then he starts shaking his head showing his disapproval and repeatedly goes on with how patient he's been for over 3 years putting up w/my poor dress habits.
Or it's about "Why do you make such a huge mess whenever you do anything?" I often make the mistake of confiding in him certain personal items that I don't care for about my family. For example, my father is ghetto and he'll cut into a watermelon at the grocery store parking lot and eat it all th way home in the car. So now every chance he gets, my fiance RELISHES in telling me I'm as bad as my father who eats watermelon in the car. My car is spotless and his has coffee stains ALL over it from his spillage. Yet this comment comes because I don't measure up to having the uppity and snobbish behaviors when I'm in the kitchen or whatever he finds that convinces him I once again -suck at showing self respect for myself.
And he starts in with how frugal I am and "You live like you're homeless with no supplies," this comment came after he couldn't find a large cutting board to cut 7lb. of brisket, after my oven broke. I have a cutting board but I live alone and don't usually host a big get-together. So I'll give him the fact that I don't have no business hosting a big party because I don't have all the perfect resources, but are the put downs and insults that come so naturally, so necessary?
(5) I am convinced he's always looking down his nose at me.......hmmmm, bet everyone's wondering how I could ever ever think such a thing with his loving support regarding my "issues" ?!?!?
Please help in trying to see some clarity in what he claims are ALL THESE FAULTS. You know what I see in him as faults 2 things and the second one not much...
(1) He picks on me.
(2) He's self absorbed.
Why am I so patient or so pretzeled that I don't call him on his cruelty in a way that would make him stop?!?!?!?!
