purple.eyes

i am confused. i spoke to her tonight. and i brought up what happened that other night when i was tipsy. She acted like she knew nothing, she kept answering "i dont know" to everything i asked, i was asking her to tell me what happned and asking about the things that i said.. (i was just testing to see what she would say) she acted like she knew nothing, she was like "i dont know what you're on about" when i know for a fact that she knew what happened. i remember, and she was acting like she wasnt even the one sitting with me. She kept trying to change the subject when i tried to talk about the other night. it was so obvious that she did NOT want to talk about it, she pretended that she wasnt even with me, she acted clueless when i asked her things. so i kept asking and then i said i remember talking to you and ppl told me i was talking to you too, then i told her it was really important that i knew what i said. so she told me what i said, but... she didnt say that i said anything anything at all about her, she told me that she was not upset... when i know for a fact that she was. She totally does not want to talk about it, and is acting like she doesnt give a care in the world... why? also told me that lastnight she went out with her bf.... first time ever that she has spoken about him to me.. so that is a big big change.. I tried to talk to her about it, she obviously didn't want to. i saw HER messenger pic before and it was of him and her. she didnt even bother to call me since that night. i cant take it.. its killing me inside. im not blind, its so obvious from all these things that she doesnt feel the same way about me, she doesnt even care anymore, i mean if she did she would have called me after what happened. instead what have i seen and noticed? after that night she jus talkd to him more, went out with him more, has their pic. on her messenger and actually told me that they went out. i can see that this is what she wants.. she is showing me that this is what she wants. so i feel like i have totally lost her... shes ignoring the whole incident about the other night. i tried bringing it up, she didnt want to. it didnt even seem like she wanted to talk to me before, our conversation was so empty, i had to try really hard to talk about something and she just didnt put the effort into talking to me. then this guy called me, and she told me to talk to him, like it was a relief for her to not talk to me, she .. didnt want to talk to me.. and she didnt even care that i was going to talk to him, she wanted me to. first time ever this has happnd too, she was always so happy coz id rather choose to talk to her than anyone, now shes telling me to ...... it all hurts so much because she is showing me that she doesnt even care anymore.... so i guess what happened the other night was nothing.. what more can i do? should i just let it go.... how can i try anymore? i feel like i am losing her completely

i see them together, and i know, i can see that she loves him, shes inlove with him.. not with me. She'd rather call him than talk to me. Shes always with him.. she doesnt see me anymore, it doesnt even seem like im in the picture. i can see that shes happy, and i have a feeling that deep down inside, she knows. the other night i was with her, i told her that im trying, im trying really hard and i started crying, telling her i miss her, that she means everything and that im still going to try and keep our friendship even if she doesnt care anymore because i once said that i will never leave her. I was the one who was tipsy.. but i still remember things, i guess the drinks just boosted my confidence in telling her. She hugged me, we were just close, really close, our heads were so close, i looked at her and we looked at eachother for .. a while.. we had a 'moment' our faces were inches apart, i just couldnt stand it, the more we looked at eachother the more it hurt me because i knew that shes with him.. so i turned away. i held her hand and she asked me what was wrong, and she held mine back, it wasnt just me holding her hand, she was holding mine too. She began to cry, she hid her face tho, and it was dark so i didnt really see but im sure that she was crying at one stage. Im sure she knows how i feel and .. she just didnt say much she just hugged me.. basically i was just telling her how i felt, without exactly saying that i have feelings for her, its obvious enough she knows... we wudnt be sitting there holding, hugging eachother like that if we were just being bestfirends. we were crying about 'us' ... after this she just went home.. her bf asked me "whats wrong with her?" i said i didnt know, told him to ask her. obviously she was upset thats why she left.. but i dont know why she was upset.. because i was telling her i missed her, and how much i care? ... so thats what happened, and i asked her to call me yesterday.. i wanted to know if she was ok but she didnt, she was on the phone with him. i dont know whats going on, i dont know what to do, so i guess i'll just have to see what happens ... this is totally of the topic, but something strange happened my close friend, he told me he had a dream. he said in that dream i was a lesbian. In his dream, I confessed that i was a lesbian and i was with someone but he didnt know who. Nobody around me knows this about me, i have never told anyone in my friendship group or anyone at all, iv just been expressing it on this website. And so i just find it strange that he had this dream. i was so shocked when he told me.. i just laughed it off, but in my head i was thinking .. "what the heck?" How weird? ... its so weird because its true, maybe that dream was just coincidental... nothing more to it... right? has anyone heard of this happening before? its so strange, i dont know what to think of it.

need to find the right time. right now is not. something happened.. yet again i was really upset yesterday, i needed her to be there for me, needed someone to talk to and i turned to her, my bestfriend. i called her, but she was on callwaiting because she was on the fone with him. so i hung up and waited for her to call me back, as she always would. she called back, BUT is was only for a spit second, for one quick ring, not even enough time for me to pick up the fone. i was really upset at that moment, and what she was doing just added to it. i called her back straight away and she was on the fone again, with him. from this, i believed that she only called me back for the sake of giving me a ring bak, so i couldnt say u didnt call me bak OR she accidently calld me bak because she wudv got a miss call frm me, so my number wud hav been on the top of her list, so when she went to call her bf bak, calld me instead so she hung up quickly. i got even more upset because i needed her to be there for me, shes my bestfriend she should have been there for me. so i cried for 2 hrs(because i was upset and because of her, i guess i was just vulnerable lastnight) and i calld her back. she heard me, hear my voice and askd me what was wrong i was so upset i said everything. i cried and said i needed you i really needed to talk to you and you wernt there. i askd her why she only calld me bak for that one split second, i didnt even hav time to pik up. her excuse was, the fone just cut out.. ? why does she have to lie like that for? so if the fone cut out she went to call her bf bak straight away? .. then she said i didnt know, sorry but i cant do nething about it now. she started getting all defensive and angry. and I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS UPSET. I said to her, i guess its good that i calld, now i can see what your priorities are and how much you care. now after i said this, she angrily said "ur basing that on one call?" and then she made it out like i was imagining all this stuff. i told her thats how i feel, and i dont just feel like that out of nowhere, im feeling like that because shes making me feel this way, making me feel like she doesnt care. before this she said ... she would always choose me over him. lie that she waits for me to call every night and only talks to others because i dont call. lie that she would always want to talk to me and if anyone its me who doesnt want to talk to her. lie that she cant live without me. lie i can go on .... she says these things to me but i dont think she means it, as far as i know theyre all lies. she started getting angry and i apologised and explained myself to her, that i was upset and she wasnt there and i guess i just got angry coz everything was getting to me. she didnt say nething.. she said she doesnt have anything to say. i was upset, she didnt even try to make me feel better, she just gave up on me. why? how could she be so cold to me after all that we've been through. i told her i cant believe i could let u affect me like this. she didnt say anything and in the end, i asked her why are you angry at me? what did i do? she answered, "because i am ok" i askd her again and she said " because being angry is the only thing that is keeping me from crying " it really hit me when she said that, i didnt understand it, didnt understand the meaning of that or why she even said it.. why would she cry? does she hav a reason to cry ? *if someone understands what she meant by that, tell me please*. did i do anythnig to upset her? i was just lost when she said this so i said " atleast you can keep urself from crying, im not like you " then i just hung up.

last night she called me, the conversation was bad and we hung up, but then i called her back and she was on the phone with somebody (probably her bf) but she hung up to talk to me. the previous conversation was bad because she said that we were acting like everything is normal and ok when it isnt. and i was just like ok.. because i know im the one who is acting like everything is fine? what did she mean by "we" she just dropped the subject and we just left it so i guess it kinda resolved.. not.. conversation got back to normal. she can tell when im sad, or upset or watever, n she knows that i try to hide it from her she told me this lastnight.. when im down she always says "stop it" she knows that im unhappy and she says she knows why .... i was thinking does she really? she said shes 99% sure and that other one percent is just for me to confirm it. i think she thinks that im just unhappy because i feel that she ditched me for her bf. i said to her i miss talking to you, i miss seeing you and she said "stop it" in a kind of whinning voice.. she didnt joke back or anything, i dont know if she was joking or if she was being serious.. i guess i just thought in my head.. maybe she knows? and i said to her i'll stop then. she was like "i didnt mean it like that" and i just dropped the subject.. i dont know. she didnt reciprocate after i said that.. so i guess shes not like that anymore? Later on in the conversation she said the previous night she was speeding home in her car because she wanted to call me and wanted to talk to me. but she didnt make it home in time to call. I ended up telling her i hate it when i have to think, whether to call her or not, i hate that feeling. i told her i feel this way because i dont want to disturb her if shes on the phone or busy. she said shes only on the phone with other people because shes waits for me to call and i dont. after she said "i wait for you to call me every night and when you dont, i think that you're angry at me and there is something wrong" This is how she confuses me. coffeeformylover is right, i need to come to reality with the situation. But when she says things like this, it makes me walk backwards instead of forwards. So what the heck is with that? why does she say these things to me? I askd her if she was happy, she said she wasnt but wouldnt tell me why? shes with her bf, why isnt she happy then? is she hinting something to me or is she just being my bestfriend?

Its getting harder, finding the opportunity to tell her isnt so easy anymore. it feels like we're drifting apart. as everyday goes by i feel that our friendship/relationship.. whatever it was.. is fading away. i sit and i think constantly about us and all that we use to be. i am getting the impression that she doesnt care about our friendship/relationship anymore. because of this i find it hard to .. just talk to her now, to even call her. i hold my phone and i am actually thinking, staring at the screen whether to press the call button or not. It never use to be like this, i never needed to think about whether to call or not, and now i find myself unsure about a simple call. i wonder to myself, am i the only one that is feeling all this doubt and insecurities? or is she feeling the same way? i wouldn't know.. am i putting myself in this position? am i creating all these problems that dont even exist? or do i just need to realise and admit the truth about the whole situation. i use to think of her and smile, think of her and be happy, she made the happiest person. but now, everytime i think about her it just brings me down.. i find my thoughts saying that i hate the fact that she could just leave me after all this time.. its all out of anger and i know i dnt mean a word of it. All that i have now, are the memories of us. its funny how in a few months, things can just completely change and everything that once meant everything just disappears. im not this pesimistic type of person, but these thoughts jsut run through my head. im trying so hard to be the bestfriend i am supposed to be. and it confuses the hell out of me when she drops little hints and comments about her thoughts and feelings, making it seem like she does feel something for me. when in the long run... shes with him despite all this, my feelings for her havnt changed.

i know what i should do is *Tell her everything* but its not easy. Right now she seems happy with him.. i dont want to disturb their relationship.. as i already have 3 years ago.. i didnt call her, didnt talk to her, didnt talk to her on messenger since i saw her last week at that party. it was a week. i had no contact with her at all, i wanted to see if i could not care and not think about her because in my mind i think that she doesnt care about me anymore... cant help but think that. i spent most of the days thinking about her tho, i couldnt sleep, i went on with my daily routine but when i thought of her it just put me down. i have this anger towards her when the image of them being together plays in my head. everytime i picture them it just hurts. .. so i guess iv been trying to avoid thinking about it by not having much contact with her. he was on messenger, and his picture was of them two and his nickname said something loving and corny. i felt so angry at her when i saw this i dont know why tho.. i guess its jealously. despite this, her messenger didnt say anything loving or corny towards him .. and instead her picture was of ME and her. after not talking for 4 or so days she put our picture on. so i guess maybe i do mean something to her then. lastnight i decided to call because she was apprently unwell so i wanted to ask if she was ok, she was in a call though so i hung up. she called me back immediately and we talked. she kept asking me if everything was ok, if i was ok .. and when i said i was she kept insisting that i wasnt. i didnt really say much.. it felt weird talking to her, i didnt feel comfortable at all. she said " i was so happy when u called because i thought that you really did want to talk to me, but u dont, i can tell by ur voice" she stopped talking after this and our converstion was just silent.. then i said do u want go then, she said " my friends are here anyway " i guess she was planning to go out then. Couldn't sleep, after not talking to her for a week, our converstation just ended badly anyway. i feel so uncomfortable talking to her, becuase it feels like i cant be myself cant joke around with her about 'us' because shes got him.. i dont feel like i can be the person i used to be with her, before she decided to get back together with him. .. and she keeps asking why i act differently now. last week i could b like how i used to be with her for a bit at that party, because for that moment, i ignored that fact that shes dating someone.. what should i do.. i tried the no contact.. but i just thought about her anyway

A lot has happened since then. i was planning to tell her about how i felt, but we got into this big argument and i spent of the nights crying myself to sleep while she just spoke on the phone with her bf everynight, basically she was neglecting me and focusing on her bf. we worked it out, n now everything is supposedly back to 'normal' but i feel so uncomfortable inside when i see them together. i just cant stand the sight.. i would have to leave the room, which i did at most recent parties when i saw them. Recently i went to a party and she was there, she kinda spent time with me instead of with him, she was holding my hand hugging me leaning on me... then she would go to her bf and do that with him for a bit.. then she would come back to me and spend some time with me. before this party she askd if i was going or not, i said yes and she said "i'll only go if you go, since you're going ill definitely go now" and im thinking .. why does it matter if i go or not? i mean she has her bf right. im finding it really hard to get over it. somewhere inside me thinks that she has got feelings for me. Am i just being stupid and stubborn or could it be that she does have something for me.. eventhough she is dating him? is it possible that she has feelings for me but is dating him? ..... or do i just really need to get over it and go on with my life..

yesterday was valentines day. i called her and talked to her. i asked her what she did for the day, but she didnt say anything and was being reluctant about it. she kept changing the subject. i thought it was odd that she wanted to change the subject so i kept asking her and she said.. promise you wont leave me if i tell you. i was like why would i leave you? she kept making such a big deal out of the "dont leave me, promise me you wont" this was when i started sensing something and i just said i dont know i cant make promises coz im scared im going to break them. i took a while.. and she didnt want to tell me at all, she told me because i started getting angry about her making me promise something that made no sense. then the words came.. she said " we kinda got back together " she was referring to her ex. when i heard those words i felt like something inside me just exploded and this feeling of pain shot through me. i was really speechless, i didnt say anything for a few seconds and tears were overflowing. she didnt know i was crying though i didnt let her hear it. i said.. thats good, im happy for you. and she said " no ur nott, this is why i didnt want to tell you " i think she could hear frm my voice that i wasnt ok. i was silent for quite a while. then i didnt what i was thinking or what i was saying, i didnt make any sense to her. what i wanted them was to not be friends anymore.. this was wat she meant by me leaving her. i tried to explain but i didnt know what to say. i wanted to tell her that i couldnt take it anymore, that i wont be able to handle the situation, that i have feelings for her and its been going on for so long. i just said to her.. " its not you, its me, you dont understand i dont want to be like this anymore, i dont want to but i cant help it, i know that im going to be an idiot about the situation so this is for the best, i dont want you to leave him because of me again and im scared that i might do that " she didnt get it though. i said this has been going on for to long and i need to stop being like this, i cant be like this anymore. i just cant imagine what im going to be like watching them being together. is not being friends anymore the best way for me to deal with it.. ? am i thinking of the right thing to do? because i know.. i know for a fact that im going to be upset every time i think of them or see them. she said.. " you know i would choose you over him, you're all that i have.. are you seriously making me choose because you know what i would do " i said no i dont want you to chooose i want you to understand where im coming frm.. its me its not you. im feeling so upset and this feeling inside me is killing me. what should i do? i know if i was a true friend i would be able to accept it and be happy that she is happy, but i cant i just cant. i want to be happy for her i want to be that kinda friend that i should be. But how can i do that when i cant stop thinking about her, and what i want is to be with her. someone tell me, what should i do........... because right now im not thinking straight. how should i deal with it? should i tell her about everything... or should i just leave it, and forget her.. or should i stay friends and pretend that im happy.

im confused. she called me yesterday, like i said we havent spoken lately and its been a week. Usually she doesnt call me but this time she did. i wasnt talking to her because i was upset that she didnt tell me about being upset, when i askd her she kept saying that she was fine, she always does that, and i guess this time it just got to me. Well anyway she called me and sounded, quite upset, because i wasnt saying much as well, as i was angry at her. She started talking, then it sounded like she was crying. She was crying and said, " i really miss you, i havnt seen and talked to u in so long, it feels like a year " she repeated this like four times, i didnt really respond to it. Then she asked me if i was okay, and started crying again saying " i feel like we're fighting are you angry at me ?" i didnt say anything because she still hadnt told me why she was originaly upset. i hung up and called her back, and she was saying "im so glad you called me back" .. she was still crying. We talked and i told her she should tell me why shes crying then she said it wasnt because of the guy, then she started crying more and i kinda forced it outa her but she said " i cant let go of him " when i heard these words, i didnt know what to say, everything shattered inside and i felt hurt i felt like bursting into tears, but i pulled myself together because i just want her to b happy... i told her, then dont let go you dont need to let go of him. ( Her ex ) she broke up with him because of me, she didnt tell me this but i found out from others. she did it because i was upset about them being together (i never told her this so i dont know how she knew,this was 3 yrs ago) it was because of me that they broke up and i dont want that to happen again. so i told her that i think its best if we stopped talking, this is because i know for a fact that if she is still friends with me, it wud probably happen again and she wud brake up with him again. plus.. it would be easier for me to forget her that way, it would be for the best in the long run. after i said this she cried and said " no lets just go back to normal, dont leave me dont leave me" she kept saying this. I had my mind set on it and i was saying its not like im gona stop talking to you, its just talking less and spending less time together. she kept teling me not to leave her and said she would die for me, and that she cant live without me. then she was saying dont leave me if u do, im going to die. i didnt believe her, but she kept repeating it . i got scared that she reli would and started believing it. i said ok dont do anything stupid, lets just go back to normal. sorry for rambling on, but thats what happen lastnight. what do you think of this? Im confused because, she saying stuff like " i miss you and cant live without you and i would die for you" plus she was crying and iv never seen this emotional side of her and She says she cant let go of him. What do you think of her saying all this stuff, do friends say that kinda stuff to eachtoher, is that normal for everyone or could she feel that same way that i feel about her? could she feel that same way about me? or does she have feelings for her ex? ......... i dont know ... i dont know what she wants.. any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated

things arnt good.. shes been a bit depressed lately, i can tell but she wouldnt tell me why, whenever i ask her whats wrong she always says "nothing, im fine." i found out from someone else that shes upset because of some guy, and shes really down because of their situation or something. basically she is hurting over this guy... her ex. .. I duno, im not supposed to know anything about it. I dont know why she hasnt told me. dont know why she needs to hide it from me. thinking about just kills me inside. what should i do now, i dont know what to think, i dont know what to do and i have to pretend that i know nothing at all.

i havent been able to talk to her all week, we've both been busy. i really miss talking to her, i think we arnt going to talk or spend much time together for a while. im scared.. im thinking that because of the fact that we wont be spending a lot of time with eachother, as much as before.. things might change between us. as in our friendship/relationship. im starting to already get the feeling that she doesnt care that much anymore.. i dont know its just a feeling but i keep thinking about it and it doesnt feel good. Do you think that spending less time with a person will ultimately change the relationship that you once had with them.. ? .. thanks

We went out the other day and went to the beach. It was really nice, just the two of us. It was really cold as well so when we were on the pier we were really close to eachtoher. She was complaining about being cold and made me stand close to her to keep her warm. We just took turns leaning on eachothers backs to keep ourselves warm. I was really happy to be with her, but i dont know what she was thinking. We went down to the beach and sat on this random log facing the ocean. It was really cold and she was saying she was cold so i sat closer to her, to keep her warm. she had her back to me beacuse she was sitting with her legs on the log. Kept saying it was cold so.. i put my arms around her, so she was sitting there leaning on me and i had my arms wrapped around her from behind. She didnt pull away or say anything, just sat there leaning back onto me. Then i said "are you warm now?" and she was like "no" so held her even tighter. Then i let go and we sat there for a while and these people walked by and were looking at us, and she said "what are they looking at" ... i think they thought that we were together or something and they way she reacted was like that "what are the looking at" So when i held her in my arms, she didnt say anything but she didnt pull away, and when people walked by thats what she said. What do you think of her actions and reactions ?

i feel so frustrated at the moment. Lastnight i dont know how i was feeling and i didnt talk to her much, didnt make much conversation. Then she was trying to talk to me heaps, making cute little comments stuff like that. i feel so tired of this, these feelings are seriously draining me. I get so down when i feel that we cant connect and when i think nothing is ever going to happen. When i think about it realisticly, its going to be so hard for everyone to accept the fact that we're together, thats if we do get together, everyone being family and friends etc. Im just going around in circles i know, but sometimes i just feel like giving up like theres no more motivation and sometimes i just feel so happy about it all. Right now i feel like theres no motivation, because she is confusing me so much.

hey everyone she is out now, and everything is okay shes good. So im really happy. At the moment im getting the impression that she has no feelings for me whatsoever. During the weekend i went to a party and its really stupid, i got a bit tipsy and hooked up with this random guy there. She found out, and i ended up telling her as well. She didnt react to it, she was just normal about it. And i thought she was going to be angry with me or something because if she had anything for me.. she would get jealous right? i odnt know, what do you guys think ? ... am i just thinking too much

things arent going well at the moment. she is in hospital, she's sick and the doctors dont know what is wrong with her. Im so worried, i just hope she is going to be okay, thats all i want right now. i found out this morning she was in hospital, and as soon as i heard i went there right away. i spent all day there with her, until the visiting hours were over. Shes coping extremelly well, im probably the one that is scared and breaking down lol Im going in tomorrow morning to visit her again. Just hope and pray that everything will be okay.

im just thinking... if something does happen between us, it will probably be secret. I dont think she is the type of girl to be open about it. We would proabably lie to our friends family and hide etc. Is a relationship like that worth it? Does it work out? .. or doesnt it?

We went out yesterday, nothing happened ( no signs or anything ) we just had a good time hanging out. As i said earlier we, we talk everyday and when i phoned her i asked "what have you been doing" and she replied "waiting and waiting for someone to call" and i was like "oh is this a bad time' and she said "no its ok because im talking to them RIGHT NOW" Im taking things slow at the moment..

Being honest and telling her would pull the weight of your shoulders. Not telling her would put you down. i think there are two ways that she can react 1. She can be touched by what you tell her, because she means so much to you that every little thing that she does affects you. She'll take it in a good way and maybe from that will "like you more" or 2. She can feel scared because (like intothefire mentioned) she might think you are being posessive, obsessive over the things that she does, and dependant on her. She might take the "being jealous of friends" the wrong way and think something like, "what so cant i hang out with my other friends" Think about how she might react? Is she an open and optimistic person or is she closed and pesimistic? Does she usually think about things positively or negatively ... So i think you should think about the outcome and then.. decide on what to do

Lastnight she picked him up along with his friend and her other girlfriend. So went out as a group.. it wasnt just with her and her ex. i didnt see any signs between them two when i was there, no flirting or anything. But i had to leave, so i dont know wat happened after that. But what i know is that she got home late. They all went to one of the guys house and hung out there. Like i said earlier on, she never ever talks to me about guys, never tells me who she likes (if any) never tells me about going out with them, i have to find out from others. I dont know why she doesnt tell me though. So because of that, it is extremely hard to just talk to her about guys and ask if she's planning on getting back together with her ex. But i'll try and find a way to ask her .... Also i dont like him, and i think she knows that so maybe because of that she doesnt want to tell me...

we've been bestfriends for four years, as funny as it sounds we always joke around and tell eachother that we love one another. like once in a while when im on a call with her, before i hang up i say something like "im not going, still waiting for you to say something" and then she gets all shy and she says " i love you " or something like " i'll be waiting through every second until you call again " My love for her has grown over the years. I mean i talk to her everyday, nearly every day for four years. So i can honestly say that i love her, out of everyone i know besides my family, i am sure that i do. We went to the movies the other day when we went out, nothing much happened. Just leaning on eachother and stuff, thats about it. tonight we are going to the movies again, i askd her to go, but then she said she was inviting a friend and invited her ex boyfriend along and also some other people. But she invited him... i asked her if she did and she denied it and said she didnt, but then i spoke to him and he said she did. I got annoyed so i told her, you can go with him, im not going. After that she got angry. so right now i dont know if i want to go or not, but i think im leaning towards going because i'd rather be there than not be there ....

... also while i was on the phone, i kept saying dont leave me and i said i need to tell you, i need to tell you i was crying and i told her i couldnt take it anymore and that i love her, and i just kept telling her that i love her. but she didnt hear any of it.. because she fell asleep so just when i have the guts to tell her, she falls asleep ...

well i went to this party, she wasnt there though. I got a bit tipsy and had the nerve to call her up, i told her i was sorry, and asked why she wasnt talking to me. She said she was upset because i left her waiting the other day.. ( the other day i was supposed to go out with her but i couldnt make it and i totally forgot to tell her so she was waiting for me, i didnt think it was that big a deal ) then i dont know why but i kept telling her not to leave me and she said that she would never leave me, *not in a million years.* Now we're talking again and we're going to go out later

Easier said than done. I tried talking to her all last night and she just brushed me off. I havent said anything to her today, I feel stupid if i say anything else to her, seeing as she didnt reply to anything i said last night. I didnt call her tonight, because im scared of her reaction and i figure maybe she just needs some space? she doesnt seem bothered about me not calling, although she usually would get quite upset if i dont call. I saw her on the net, and my world just froze when i realised that her display picture was of her ex boyfriend. Its killing me, the thoughts that are running through my mind right now.

ive been crying, and it hurts lastnite we didnt hav a gd conversation. she sounded like she didnt want to talk to me, didnt put the effort into it, wasnt responding to my questions. today i had a party to go to, at the party she didnt spend much time with me, didnt really talk to me either. i told her to come sit with me, she didnt. when i came close to her, she moved away and even more, she was with her ex boyfriend most of the night. talking to him, joking around with her, flirting with him. she didnt pay any attention to me. when i went home she didnt even say goodbye, and i didnt say goodbye to her either. i thought if i stayd any longer i would start to cry so i left. Right now i dont know, it hurts. one moment she acts like she has something for me the next she neglects me. so now im left upset, frustrated, confused and i feel like she doesnt care anymore ..

omg, she told you she liked you ... then she said she was experimenting .. i think if that happened to me i would be devastated. i have a few parties to go to soon, ill find an opportuntiy there... lol i dont think her family would except it, i dont even think she would but i dont know ... we were talking and the topic of bi's was brought up, dont know how, but anyway.. she thinks that i am homophobic ME!? HOMOPHOBIC .. thats quite funny. But yeh so i jokingly said "if you were bi, i would still be ur friend see im not homophobic" and things lead on and my question was are you bi? she laughed and didnt answer at first and said " ill let u decide " but i dont know wat that means....... then i kept pushing it asking if she was, and she kept saying "you are so homophobic" kept laughing and saying why should i let you know and stuff. Then in the end she was like " im not bi " .... but i think she only said that because she thinks that im homophobic. she said she was jus leaving me hanging and guessing about her being bi because she wanted to prove that im homophobic, like she was just pretending to show that im homophobic... yeh So i really don't know. If she was bi, i dont think she would tell me because she thinks im HOMOPHOBIC. it's so silly.