Let me start by saying that my wife and I are both very caring and wonderful people. We have been married for 12yrs and have fought very little. I am in the Military and she has always been there for me. We have a 4yr old daughter whom I treasure more than anything. It is my daughter who has helped me stay in this relationship for as long as I have. My wife and I are best friends. But I’m afraid that as far as it goes. We have no intimacy, romance or any exotic, passionable relationship. Sex has been dead in our relationship for many years. Sometimes we have gone through periods of no sex for up to 10months. We where both virgins and had never dated anyone before we married. I was nervous in joining the military with no one by my side so I convinced her to marry me at 18yrs old. In the Earlier parts of our marriage sex was great and our relationship seemed strong. But in due course my wife let herself go fast. She began to gain a lot of weight. I tried everything to help her get over the problem. I even tried to work out with her and teach her. But she lacks the determination and dedication. All she does is talk about how she wants to lose weight but never puts 100% into making it happen. She thinks that getting lipo suction would be better, because she thinks her body type won’t allow her to lose weight? I don’t believe it, she was fine before. Well every year I remind her how unhappy I am and that I am considering a divorce if she isn’t willing to help our relationship. I work out all the time. I try my best to look good for her and myself. Every year she promises me that things will be different, but it never changes. I told her that Love is important in a relationship, but so is Attraction. If you are not attracted to the person then you lose all passion, romance, affection, intimacy, and sex...eventually you lose love. The only thing that remains would be friendship but that creates temptation. So now after 12yrs of me telling her my current unsatisfaction and what the future hold for us if we stay the course, she keeps "crying wolf".
So now I have found someone else. My friend is big on Yahoo messenger chatting. He told me to try it. I did and for a long time had no success. But one day I meet an amazing girl from the Philippines. We chat every day now for 2months talking for 4hrs a day using the web cam. We both send pictures. So we both know each other very well. I have bought airline tickets to visit her next month. So now here is my dilemma. I told my wife a few weeks ago that I am contemplating a divorce. I told her I found someone whom makes me feel better appreciated. So far she has had very little emotion over my remarks. I told her I want the simplest and friendliest divorce possible. I don’t want us to fight or argue and make things complicated. I want the best for my daughter. So she agreed.
With time approaching for me to see my new love, I’m struggling to determine what to do. I’m sure that once we both get together our love will become stronger. Should I stay in my current relationship? Hoping it will change but I may spend another 12yr of misery. Or do I move on with my life. Missing my daughter severely in my life, but living perhaps a much happier life with my new wife? Friends think I'm crazy beacuse my new love has 3kids. They say I can have any girl in the Philipines wo/kids. She has 2 teenage boys, and a 4yr daughter with medical conditions. Although I always wanted a big family, not 100% sure I'm ready for so many kids at one time! But I'm not discouraged. I have very strong feelings for her. We both talk about love all the time. Something my wife and I lost many years ago along with our passion.
My wife say's I’m being an inconsiderate, shallow, cheating, jerk; I should be happy with her for good or worse. But I don’t feel Marriage is supposed to be something you dread. I want a wife whom I can be proud of, someone I would introduce to everyone, and show her pictures to everyone. Someone who can keep my interest on her. As I would do the same for her. I have traveled all around the world with the military, tempted for years by many foreign women. I don’t want that anymore. I want to be happy and attracted to one girl for the rest of my life. She may be it. At least she is willing to commit herself not just emotionally to me, but also is willing to keep herself attractive for me. Is attraction as important as I think it is in a marriage? Is it worth divorcing over to find ones happiness? Please Help! Thank You.
