Melissa1sttime

Can you forgive him? I left my husband of 10 years of togetherness, 5 years married. He did not cheat but hurt me in other ways, verbally and physically. The last incident occurred on Nov 19th, 2006...we were in the same home the entire time, not sleeping together, not having sex, just communicating for the sake of our 5 year old daughter. All the while I contemplated forgiving him. He tried to get me to come around, but I just couldn't. What kind of woman would I be? What is my threshold for pain? They say once they do it, it will keep happeneing, for me it was the abuse, this was the third time he had struck me ..for you, the infidelity. Men will continue the same pattern because they see we do not do anything. it took me 10 years to leave my husband. Oh, I tried the counseling tidbit or tried to get him to go, he said, I had the problem..I needed to get 'over it.' I was disrupting the flow of our family. I was the problem. I moved out of our home Jan 5th, 2007. Was he surprised! He does not know where I live and he is trying everything under the sun to get me to come home. I refuse. I spoke to him yesterday regarding my daughter, he told me he had quit drinking and smokign and was in counseling I told him, " I'm happy for you, I told you you were always stronger than that stuff." He wants me back. But what is my guarantee 5 months down the line it isn;t the same * * * * different day..there is none.... Move on. It has been different, a new apartment, just me and my daughter. What you need to do is concentrate on you, take care of you. Respect yourself. It took me a very long time to realize this, but no one deserves to put up with * * * *....No One! You neither. If he doesn't care enough to explain himself to you, then your realtionship is not what you thought it was, like mine. It took me the final step of ending my marriage to get him to realize his mistake..No, I'd rather not teach men how to be better men, but I am worth more than that pain. If my mom gave me any kind of good advice in my life, it was, " You get what you settle for." Good Luck Melissa

I am in a similar situation. I am about to leave my husband married 5 years, in the relationship 10 years. my husband has a drinking problem that affects his temperament when he gets drunk. He becomes very abusive, verbaly and most recently physically. I have been struggling with this feeling of loss and longing. We have a five year old daughter. I have suggested that we got to counseling, he refuses and/or says yes, counseling? Yeah, "you need counseling" meaning me. I have repeatedly told him that when he drinks somethings happens to him at which point he unleashes a verbal tirade of anything and everything, often attacking our daughter to me in the most hurtful way. Mornings after the nights he has yelled, and cursed at me, everything is normal, like nothing happened. When I try to bring up the events of the night before, he belittles me, accuses me of lying or flat out denies them..I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I am resolved to move out, but I feel I should try more. I have asked him to stop drinking and to stop smoking(marijuana)...he says he won't..what else can I do?? Melissa

Hi, My name is Melissa and I am ending my nearly 5 year marriage, 10 year relationship. My husbnad is also a chirnic smoker and will not quit. I have pleaded with him and he tells me it is who he is and will never stop. We have a nearly 5 year old daughter. She does not know he does this, but he wont stop for my benefit or hers. My husband is also verbally abusive towards me in front of my daughter and recently physically abusive. If knew early on in our relationship how he was, I should ahve listened to myself. Leaving him is not due to lack of love, but because I can't take the abuse coming from all angles, it is just too much, it is not the environment I want my daughter growing up in.... it hurts, and my heart breaks every day, my marriage was supposed to last, but it is not and I am dealing with that. it is something I have to do, for myself and for my daughter... sorry to say, men don't change. he is 40 years old and has been smoking since he was 15 years old..he will never stop.. he needs it to function. Good Luck Melissa

I am at the end of my marriage and I recently made out with a co-worker of mine. He is not married.

I am ending my marriage due to verbal and physical abuse. I am heartborken about the consequences it will have on my daughter. My daughter adores my husband, but I can not tolerate him any longer.. I need some advice.