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ShellNeverBeMe

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Everything posted by ShellNeverBeMe

  1. Hey all...haven't posted in quite some time. I posted months ago about my bf...now ex. I cheated on him and basically it was a relationship from hell. We never said I love you or anything but there was alot of passion. Well we went a month without talking and I've been trying like crazy to get back with him. Sometimes he takes, and sometimes he pulls away. I've apologized, told him I missed him and I wouldn't hurt him again. He claims I never hurt him. Well on Valentine's Day we got a snowstorm and I jokingly said he should shovel my driveway. I went to work that night. Later that night he text me and said he just shoveled my driveway. I thought that was soooo sweet. I called him and thanked him. So on Saturday night I was out with the girls and I text him asking what he was doing. He ignored me. I tried calling. He ignored me. When I asked if he was seeing someone else he responded that he was sleeping. I have to admit I got really mad because I know he was ignoring me on purpose. I called him 4 times, and when I asked if he was seeing someone, THEN he responded. Why couldn't he say right away he was sleeping? I tried calling him tonight and he picked up and hung up on me. Now again, I've never really been affectionate with him or said I love you. After he picked up and hung up on me I text him with "I love you" He responded "I don't" to which I replied "Yea I know." He then said he was going to bed and goodnight. Yet he's signed online right now. I don't get it. If he doesn't love me or care about me, why would he shovel my driveway during a snowstorm on VALENTINES DAY? This was really out of character for him and it was reallly sweet on his part. I don't get it.
  2. Hahaha true true. I just called and the phone was on...but no answer. I have my heart set on this place. I will be crushed if I don't get it lol.
  3. So I called back the apartment people. I found a beautiful apartment andI really want it. The cell phone was off so I left a message stating that I was very interested and was willing to put money down on the place and that I have a cosigner if need be. This was yesterday afternoon and I have not heard anything. Should I try again?
  4. Hey all....I've recently been checking out apartments in the area. I currently live with my dad and sister but I have that itch to move out. I looked at one today and I absolutely fell in love. The owners were super nice and I filled out an application. They asked when I was looking to move in and I said as soon as possible would be preferable...and they said OH GREAT! If I don't hear anything in a week, should I call them??? I have no credit and I told them that...and I am a waitress and bring home about 500 bucks a week..and I told them this.
  5. I know I hurt him...he says he didn't care and never loved me, but I think otherwise. I'm almost positive I hurt him. Or I came off as too needy or clingy but I really don't think I did. I just apologized up and down, told him I cared for him alot. I don't know if I drove him away or if he is in fact hurt. I wish I could fix things between us. We've broken up for months before and we date other people but we always go back to each other. After I told him I cheated he called me incessantly and was actually nicer to me...but then we got into a fight and I changed my number because he BLEW UP MY PHONE. It took two weeks, but I called him after seeing his myspace. I wish I didn't now...my ego is shot.
  6. Hey all, I know I'm really annoying but I'm having such a hard time with my breakup. I poured my heart out to my ex in a letter; I'd never been good at saying my feelings...and he always complained that I never cared about him. I tried to call him the other day but he answered and hung up on me. So I called him back and he kept doing it. I text him asking him why he was being like that. He called me back and said I blew it, it was over, and that if he ever saw me I better run. I can't believe it. I went home and wrote him an email pouring my heart out. So when I expressed that I did in fact care about him, it was met with a "Go eff yourself." I am so devastated. Why is he being so mean? I did sleep with someone else while we were together...we both cheated on each other. We had a huge blowout a couple weeks ago and I ended up changing my number because I was very angry with him. And then I made the mistake of going on his myspace and seeing a new girl. That brought out the green eyed monster so I called him. Big mistake. Is he being mean to me because I hurt him? I know it shouldn't matter but I am completely devastated and looking for answers. I know I should focus on myself bla bla bla. I work out, I work and go to school and none of it is affected by my ex right now. I just can't understand why he was so mad. I didn't really beg him or plead or cry. I called like 5 times because he kept hanging up...
  7. Well I can assure you 100% that I will not be contacting him ever again lol. I am so mortified beyond belief. Just reading his response "Go eff yourself" was the most painful thing. I want to just crawl under a rock and die
  8. I knew it was wrong to call him but I did it anyway. Now he has the power and he's loving it. I feel like such crap. I knew the whole time I shouldn't be calling him. He's done it to me in the past. We've been on and off two years and we always go back to each other after some time. I am so hurt right now, why did I have to call him. I knew he would use it against me, I KNEW but I still did it anyway. I don't think it was too bad though. I don't think I was that clingy/begging/pleading. It could have been alot worse, but I definitely let him know how I felt. I was never good at expressing feelings and I never once told him how i felt and I thought maybe that would get him back..I think from now on I'll be keeping my feelings to myself...
  9. And it doesn't make sense. He came to the restaurant I worked at one night and told his waitress to tell me he said hi. When I didn't have anything to say back he got really mad. My coworker said he still wanted me. So I came back to him and he throws it all away. Did he just want revenge...kind of an ego thing?
  10. Oh and my health coverage doesnt kick in for another month because I just started working for the company. Was it a bad idea to email him a letter pouring my heart out? It wasn't really creepy or mushy, just saying that I did care despite all the nasty words we exchanged and that I was having a hard time.
  11. I just had this image in my mind that he would be there for me even in my darkest times. And he bails. I pushed him away. I know he cared about me, but I was so nasty towards him. I honestly can say I will never call him again. I am so horrified lol. I work full time as a waitress, and I go to school full time..so my plate is definitely full. I have alot going for me but I have alot of things holding me back...my illness and my mother's death. I love my ex alot...and he's got issues himself so I would think that he understands where I'm coming from. We've been through it before and we always return to each other. He told me yesterday to come around when I'm acting normal and take meds. I'm so hurt..
  12. I'm also bi-polar but I don't take meds because I have no coverage right now and I'm trying to pay for school, car, rent...etc. I'm pretty much broke right now. I think it was too much for him, my mood swings and such. I don't plan on calling him ever again...I'm completely mortified..so nc will be in effect.
  13. I am so depressed. I've posted about troubles with my now ex. Basically, in a nutshell I screwed up and realized my mistake. Or he wasn't that much of a catch to begin with. Maybe a little bit of both? I tried to call him yesterday but he wouldn't respond. I text him a couple of times and called him and he finally called back and said if he ever saw me or heard from me again he was coming after me. He yelled at me that he was at work (I didn't know) and that I got him in trouble. He said I blew it. I decided to just write him a letter and I poured out my heart in 5 short sentences. I said I was sorry I did not think he would be at work, I am very depressed because this is the first holiday without my mother (she died of cancer in February) and that I am truly sorry for everything and that I cared for him. I didn't tell him I loved him. He responded "Go eff yourself." I am so distraught. I know I shouldn't have called him and text him but he was ignoring me. He's blown up my phone hundreds of times and when I do it it's not ok? I am so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed and shower. I know I got what I asked for but I am so sad and I have no one to talk to. None of my friends want to hear it right now when it is coming up on Xmas. Someone please help me.
  14. I'm sad today. I text my ex yesterday telling him how I felt because I never really told him. All I ever told him was that I hated him and he was horrible. I didn't mean any of those things. We treated each other pretty badly, and we both demanded respect instead of earning it. I'm so depressed, especially since I'm the one who wanted to break it off, and as soon as I found out he was moving on I felt like I was dumped. I know that's selfish of me. It made me realize how much I loved him. Today is a bad day. He didn't really respond to my texts. I just told him that I cared for him even though I never acted like it. He didn't respond so I said "I guess it's too late now huh??" And he said "Enough." I said "Well I do, I'm effed up, I'm sorry baby, I'll leave you alone now." No response. I am going to leave him alone now, maybe shoot him a text on Xmas. I'm so sad
  15. I really would like to tell him how I feel but he probably would just laugh and his ego would be inflated. I want things to work out so much but I don't know what to do. I know he was really hurt. I wish there was some way I could fix things.
  16. I don't think counseling is an option lol. He would definitely laugh at that.
  17. I appreciate the bluntness. It was a torrid relationship; we are both crazy about each other but we did hurt each other tremendously. I thought about emaling him everything, but I don't want to push him away or inflate his ego. PLUS he is most likely seeing this other girl. I cheated on him because I didn't want to focus on him. I am terrified of getting hurt again. And I am immature when it comes to relationships. I don't know how to handle all the feelings I get, so I cheated. He has my number now, if he wants to talk he will call. Or should I just spill my heart out to him in an email?
  18. Ok I've posted numerous times about my tumultuous relationship. I changed my number 2 weeks ago because my ex blew up my phone at 5 am. Last Friday he showed up at the restaurant I work at and told his waitress to tell me hi, and when I had nothing to say in response he got mad. Well I checked his myspace last night and apparently he has a new gf. I got soooo jealous. I called him (with my number blocked) and told him that I was very jealous. I went to see him and we ended up talking. He said it wasn't his girlfriend, he didn't like her. It's obvious he still has feelings for me, he told me he did. I cheated on him though and I think that probably hurt him but he won't admit it. I love this kid with all my heart, but I'm not good at showing my emotions. I just get really mad when trying to express them. All I could say was that I missed him. I really love him though and I didn't know it until I saw this girl on his myspace. I don't know what to do. Is this fixable? It's so hard for me to get my feelings accross. Same with him. He has a hard time expressing them too. I just text him with my new number because I don't want to be the one calling him. I said "Use it don't abuse it." I want him in my life, I do care for him. I'm not going to chase him. He has my number now, he can come find me. Should I tell him how sorry I am and how much i care for him? I told him over and over that I missed him but I don't want to push him away. Please help me.
  19. Seems to me that you two were just incompatible. It's not your fault that you didn't feel the same way towards her. She wants more than you can give her. It's good you two parted ways now before someone ended up getting seriously hurt.
  20. So Robo, you think emailing him telling him is a good idea? I thought by changing my phone number that would get the point accross but apparently not. I told him right before I changed my number that it would never work and that there were too many problems and we weren't compatible but he flipped out and called me at 5 am. I can't really tell him not to go to the restaurant; it's a public place and everyone goes there. I'd like it if he didn't harass me and my co-workers though. I just want nothing to do with him at all, like I never even knew him. It will never be amicable with him, he is much too stubborn.
  21. Hey again all... Posted not too long ago about problems I was having with my bf. A brief rundown; Together on and off two years. He cheated 2 years ago and left me for the girl, we got back together and then I cheated. Things ended a couple weeks ago. Told him I cheated, we fought, he called me at 5 am harassing me and I changed my number. I am a waitress at one of the local restaurants and he showed up on Friday night with his friends. I brought food to a table next to his. I looked over and saw him. I did not say anything, I just walked away. He told his waitress to tell me he said "hi." She asked him who he was and he goes "Oh she will know, I just want to tick her off." I told her I had nothing to say, so when she went back to his table she said that I really didn't say anything and then he started getting angry with her. He said that her and I were talking crap about him, and that I am just mad at him because I can't have him. His friends were telling him to chill out and that the waitress had nothing to do with him and I. I just want him out of my life. Is this some form of harassment? Should I write him an email or just ignore him? Is he bitter?
  22. Wow OK! I am going to tell you from experience: My ex and I broke up for 6 months because he met someone else he liked better. Six months later he was back, and I took him back. The next year and a half we complete hell. I never trusted him. I cried more than I laughed. It was hell. DO NOT TAKE THEM BACK. If you are completely sure you can trust them, and that you are COMPLETELY over the pain and hurt, go right ahead. But I would bet all the money in the world that you are still wounded...
  23. I hope I get through this. It's alot of "what ifs" going through my mind, and alot of blaming myself. We've been through so much, but in the end I knew I would never be happy and I know it's for the best. Thank you everyone.
  24. Well it's over. I'm pretty depressed. I don't cry or anything, I just want to sleep alot. I changed my number, I think that's the best thing I could have done. I just want to forget everything that's happened.
  25. And everytime I tried to talk to him about things he would get angry. He would always say "Every girl always falls in love with me." He claimed I was in love with him. I never told him I was. The first 6 months of dating I made the mistake of telling him I was, and then he cheated immediately after. I never said it again. I always let him do the calling. He always made the plans. Everytime I would call him he would ignore me or get angry. So apparently he has a commitment issue. So if this is the case, he's probably not hurt that I was sleeping with someone else....?
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