Mrs Elliott Smith

Hahahahaha How the heck does that happen... resurfacing threads? I'm only making it worse by replying again. LOL!

I was trying to state some less obvious possibilities... Undoubtedly, yes, he could be afraid of her seeing how he *really* is at a strip joint.

He might feel embarrassed if she goes with him. Maybe he's worried that his friends will think that his wife is a nag, or maybe he just feels uncomfortable with his wife watching him ogle over other women! I am not saying that these reasons are justifiable (I am taking steps to keep my opinions of men going to strip clubs OUT of this post)-- I'm only listing some possibilities as to why he doesn't want his wife to go with him. Either way, him telling her that he doesn't want her to go with him makes the situation even worse.

What the strippers are wearing vary from place to place. You have the ones where the dancers are free to wear their birthday suits, and then you have the dancers who can only go topless. My best friend used to dance. And everyone else is right. The women will woo anyone, be they tall, short, fat, thin, ugly, hot, etc., if they know they'll get some cash out of the situation. But pay no mind to that. I'm not sure if the issue is whether strip joints are "ok" to go to. That's a very personal opinion. What I'd be more concerned about is the fact that your husband lied to you. I think this needs to be addressed first. He needs to understand that the male bonding doesn't always require the presense of strippers! Maybe you can suggest that he initiate a new/different thing for him and his guy friends to do? Bowling, golfing, sports bars, etc.?

If you're not comfortable going to a gym, why not buy some of your own weight machines and stuff and do it in your house?

If you're set on getting a college education - I have some advice for you: 1. Try a community college (2-yr. college), then transfer to a uni 2. Do a LOT of volunteer work (a man I know did more than 1,000 hours of volunteer work during high school, and attributes that to helping him get into college because his graes weren't so hot) 3. Don't write yourself off like that and think that it's too late to get serious about your grades (if you're still in H.S?)--- Even if you improve now, college application reviewers will take your improvement into consideration

I can't really answer this question. You should google it. But one thing: DO NOT EVER SIT ON PUBLIC TOILET SEATS. I'm surprised that people actually do that.

You mean, he doesn't kick him or punch him THAT YOU KNOW OF. Are you always around when your boyfriend is near the dog? Apparently not, if you caught him abusing your dog. I'd be afraid to leave the two of them together.

I don't care how good a man is. If he ever touches my cat (or dog, if I had one), I'd leave him. No questions asked. #1: He IS abusing your dog. #2: He apparently has anger and self-control issues. #3: No offense, but he sounds like a major jerk (in more polite terms). I hope he doesn't beat his kid like this. I cannot believe you're actually questioning this situation. Try to avoid going into denial, please, for the sake of your poor dog.

Wow, how racist was THAT comment? You thought that it was a cultural issue because you thought that he was acting like other white guys "would".... real nice

Maybe it's not your life itself that's making you depressed -- maybe it's just a chemical imbalance. (On a different note, the fact that you were raped, no matter how long ago it was, can still weigh on your mind, even if you consciously think that it doesn't bother you anymore.)

It is NOT a culture issue. I'm white, and have not known many white men who want their girlfriends to pay half for everything. Granted, there are men like that in *every* culture/race. But to my knowledge, it's not something that white men are known for. This man seems to be a tad ignorant. The comment you made about wanting your kids to be bright and him attributing your comment to your being Asian . . . what the f---!!!!!! WHO DOESN'T want their kids to be bright!? This man, lose him. He's at a different place in life than you are. He's insensitive. Honestly, it sounds like all he wants to do is have fun, since he's now a "free man" (divorce). But in the back of his mind, I'm sure, he still thinks about finding a woman to stick with during his later years in life. A woman, that is, who is closer in age, and who will be ready to sit home with him all day while he "retires." You seem to be very intelligent, and it seems that none of his behavior was a result of your own actions. You can do better.

Lunch sounds like a good idea. But, don't just casually ask him to go to lunch, and then throw it at him while you're both there. If I were you, I'd just tell him "I was thinking that it'd be nice if we can grab lunch this week, I'd like to talk to you about something important." I hope you're paying . . . LOL kidding. Good luck, and congrats in advance.

Being independent, especially these days, is SO important--- especially for women. God-forbid he walks out on you after you get married. Or what if you decide to leave him. Are you certain that he'll still want to include you in his business endeavors? Will you be able to still have a business partnership? A lot of issues may arise if this happens (unless you both legally own the business(es)). Not to sound like a pessimist, but you really need to be prepared for the worst. At least that's how I look at it. Over my dead body will I ever be dependent on my future husband in terms of money and career. Plus, it'll make me feel like a failure if I were to ever depend on him so heavily. No offense, but if my boyfriend or future husband had no goals, and tried to interfere or get involved with mine, it'd probably annoy me, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't really look up to him. In my eyes, it shows weakness of character. But then again, that's just me.

Very cool sound. I like the vocalist. His voice is distinctive.

They treat you like that because you apparently put up with it. You need to stand up for yourself, because this is just as much your fault as it is theirs. You're ALLOWING yourself to be victimized by them. Toughen up a little!

I hear where you're coming from. But 99% of the time, you really gotta try to take the things that SOME people say on ENA with a grain of salt

I'd discuss with her the pros and cons of doing this -- just to open her mind to some things. But in the end, it's her decision, it's HER life, and it'd be messed up if you try to change what she wants. How would you feel if she goes through life regretting not going into the air force because her boyfriend back then (or husband) didn't want her to? She'd resent you forever. Let her do what makes her happy.

Wait a minute, from the others' posts, I gather that you're traveling to find a new career? Like to find a JOB to relocate to??? Is hubby OK with this?

Are you sure that going cross country will help you figure things out? It sounds more as if you're doing it just because it's something that you've always wanted to do (which is fine). I think I kinda know how you feel about your situation. But I'm not sure about what the problem is: Is your marriage preventing you from doing things that you want to do? Or are you just unsure of what you really want out of life? Either way-- if what you do doesn't put your marriage at risk, then do it. If it does put your marriage at risk, then, well, you have to decide for yourself which is more important to you. I've read Ayn Rand's Virtue of Selfishness. Great book. In fact, I just recommended her to another ENA-er. Anyway-- I say go for it. Do what makes you happy and fulfilled, because you know what-- there's not always going to be someone around to make sure that you are happy and fulfilled with your life. Again, as long as it doesn't wreck your marriage (or if you don't mind if it does, then that's another story). And ur lucky that your husband is letting you go cross country alone. My boyfriend would never allow me to do that by myself for safety reasons LOL OK now I feel held back! Good luck, tho, in whatever you do. As someone else suggested, I'd take up a hobby. I have 2 hobbies that I've developed within the past 2 years, and let me say, they really help me express myself, and thus make me feel more fulfilled.

It's a personal thing. I'm happy spending only weekends with my boyfriend -- anything more than that is too much (I sometimes wonder what I'm going to do about this when we're married LOL). My best friend's boyfriend always wants to see her -- and it annoys her SO much. She (and I as well) is just that type of person who needs alone time. It doesn't mean he doesn't like or love you. It's just how he is, so I'd say that you should try to accept this because it's not something you can change about him.

The "world," or life is what it is, yes, but I feel that it's composed of various aspects-- the good, bad, grim, positive, etc. (I stole your words lol). But, I'm not really sure what you meant by "we place them there." Do you mean: 1. That our perceptions of them is what makes them good or bad? If so, our perceptions may not always be irrational-- there are few people, I feel, who think that child abuse, for instance, is OK, just as there are very few people who love giving a percentage of their paycheck to Uncle Sam lol What I mean is, there are certain things that most of us agree on. So, who cares if that's just a perception? Do YOU want to change some of your views on life and think, "yeah, well, I kinda agree with all the criminals and murderers in the world, I can see their point in what they do." BUT, if you mean that . . . 2. We are the cause of the negative aspects of the world, then you're right, but... we're not in control of everything-- sickness, death, the actions of other people that mess things up, and so on, are usually beyond our control. Well, to an extent (you can try to live a healthy life, but you cannot avoid the inevitable). ""All I child learns as it grows up is that its unhappy becouse there not enough water in the cup to qwench its thirst."" Not always true, my man. LOL. I have enough water to quench my thirst, and most of my "mental issues" have nothing to do directly with my own life and how it works. I feel very fulfilled with my own life: I'm happy with my familial relationships, happy with my romantic relationship, I love my job (and I'm not exaggerating), I have a few friends whom I truly love, I have no qualms about my personal appearance, I'm in grad school now, and I honeslty feel that there's not a goal I can't accomplish . . . it's just those other things that are beyond my control--- those things that I cannot change--- the external issues of life. Going back to my original post: the meaning of life, death, sickness, all that "fun" stuff. Your link didn't work. But, what you wrote about it sorta-kinda reminds me of an author named Ayn Rand. She wrote a lot about altruism, "selfishness," objectivity, etc. You should look into her, I think you'd find her stuff interesting. Try "The Virtue of Selfishness" (this one is a description of her philosophy, but her other books are novels). Your avatar is scaring me.

I'd send the cover letter as an attachment-- it'll be easier for them to read, and it's just more professional in my opinion. If you're doubtful of writing the cover letter in the bulk of the email, then don't do it.

Do the dirty BEFORE you sleep with her, I mean like, right before you see her. That'll hold you off a little bit longer during sex. Good luck. And I agree with the others-- practice when you're alone, and hope you can generalize it to when you sleep with her lol

What I mean by that quote was that . . . as you grow older (from childhood into adulthood) you realize more things about how the world works. I'm talking about the negative things. You know, you start to question the meaning of life, your own significance (if you'd call those two negative, it's a personal thing, I guess), you realize how some people can be, you acknowledge the way society is (its expectations), innocent children and people who are suffering and dying with diseases, all that sad stuff. When I said "realize," I didn't intend for it to sound like: "you realize what life is all about, and you understand everything." I meant something more along the lines of: "you acknowledge all the negative crap that exists in this world, and think completely differently about your life (not as a result of the world's negativity, but I mean in general)." Granted, life and the world isn't always bad, that I know. Does this help answer your (seemingly) confused thoughts? LOL