justagurl

I will be going through something similar in a few weeks - I am moving out and bringing my dog with me. He's been raised since a puppy with Tim's dog, Mira - and I wonder how to help him through the loss of both Tim and Mira. I am concerned about Wrigley's emotional state and how to help him through it because I will be grieving as well.

Nope - he'd sit there, hold me as I cry - tell me how he sees how bad this hurts me and that he'll never do it again - and then get up 3 hours later and subscribe to some new website. Or he'd reject me - for me to wake up in the middle of the night and catch him with a porn DVD playing in the living room. The lies kill.

Well, I am going (or WAS going) through something very very similar. My b/f (ex as of last night) is addicted to porn. We went 8 months with absolutely NOTHING except him pleasing himself and lying about new porn subscriptions... I'd find out, we'd fight, he'd behave for a month and the whole cycle would start over. He's 37, I'm 32... and reasonably attractive. He is just not into being intimate with me and will selfishly take care of himself and lie about it on top of it all. I too have become enraged... it hurts because he can not even get an erection if it's not porn related. I found old receipts and this has been going on for many, many years. What I have learned about porn addiction is that it is almost impossible to cure - and that's if they WANT to. The lies hurt. The porn hurts. The selfishness hurts. The lack of intimacy hurts and then add on top of all that - the Melissa issue hurts. Just can't do it anymore - I've wasted enough time here - it's time for me to go.

Thanks - went apartment hunting today... everyone that I talk to agrees - it's time to go. Found a cute little place... but I don't want to just jump into something... am going to take me time and find the right place to live. He told me this morning that he refuses to give up his "friends" for some girl. So that is all I am now - just some girl. And so it will be. He's an idiot.

I agree BIG red flags - and I've tried to discuss it with him - only to get screamed at and told that his "friend" Melissa is not a discussionable topic. I guess my feeling is, is that if he has no concern that this is bothering me and he's going to do it anyways - then a relationship between him and I will never work. I could choose to wait around and see what happens - but, honestly, that idea doesn't sit well with me. I hate the fact that I'm being disrespected and that my feelings are unimportant. I also don't like the fact that this girl, knowing he's in a relationship, continues to contact him. But, honestly, he continues to do it too, so I can't just blame her. After I posted last night he and I got into it. HE says that by me not liking what's going on I'm essentually giving him an ultimatum and that NO ONE gives him ultimatums. I told him that there is no ultimatum, that I don't like how this situation makes me feel and that I refuse to allow a relationship to make me feel this way. He says that I don't HAVE to be in a relationship or to deal with it any longer ... so I guess we're over.

Hi, I'm new and came here desperately seeking unbaised advice. I am currently living with a guy that I've been with for about a year now. When we first met he had told me that he will always "carry a torch" for an old ex-girlfriend from college named Melissa. Over the past year, all sexual intimacy has stopped between us - and not from a lack of interest or effort on my part. He has an online porn addiction which I have caught him in lies over & over & over... he has made promises to stop etc - but then I find more and then more lies and then he behaves for about a month and then - more porn... any advances I make are rejected. I then discover that he has been in touch with Melissa (who is now going through a divorce). When asked about it he denied talking to her but after I found emails between the 2 - with him making sexual comments to her - he finally told me that yes, they have indeed been "talking" but she's just a really good friend that he's had for the past 10 or so years. Problem is - is that in the year I've been with him they've NEVER been in touch - and now they are talking or emailing at least once a week - that I know about anyways. He deletes his phone records and emails often so it could be more frequently, I'm not sure. I asked if he's talked about our relationship issues with her and he said no - come to find out he lied about that as well and told her there were conflicts with us. She says things like she "misses" him, and that they should get together to talk about the issues in their lives... and then says something to the effect of she'd really like to get away to a cabin somewhere to veg. I have told him that I am not comfortable with him re-connecting with an old flame from college - especially one he has previously told me he'll always carry a torch for - but he INSISTS they are "just good friends" and have been for 10 years or more. Even after I explain why I have issues with him all of a sudden frequently talking/emailing this girl - he tells me I'll just have to get over it and the way I feel about the situation is crazy. I don't like how this makes me feel... so I'm seeking advice as to whether or not I SHOULD be concerned about what's going on here... maybe what I'm feeling IS crazy, but my gut tells me it's not... Please help - any insight would help me sleep a lil better at night....