englishpeony

Sorry, I'm being confusing. I had this sort of test which had two windows. One was the control window, which always forms a horizontal line to show that the test is working regardless of the positive or negative results, and that you didn't urinate too much or too little onto the test stick end. The other window would determine whether you were pregnant or not. A horizontal line would indicate negative, and a plus sign would indicate it being positive. It had a slightly faint horizontal negative line. So, the results were negative at this time, but you're right about the HCG count thing. My bf and I are waiting a bit to test again to see if my HCG has risen, or if I'm even pregnant at all. I've been having MAJOR cramps (like someone's sticking a knife into my lower stomach & pubic region!) and headaches. Not sure if that indicates anything.

Well, took the test on Friday evening, which was Day 6 of my cycle. The spotting stopped on the 4th day, actually probably during the night of the 3rd day. Anyhow, the test came out negative, though it was a negative bordering on the faint side. (The control window line was dark pink, and the negative sign was a lighter pink.) My sister told me that when she had spotting when her period was supposed to start, that she waited until a few weeks later to get tested by the doctor. She told me it might be too early for me to test now. So, it's negative but I wonder why I really didn't have a period.. it was nothing but a bit of spotting that lasted a few days. It never was a flow.. Maybe I did test too early?

On Day 4, it stopped completely. It never went into a medium or heavy flow, and what was happening was merely spotting, not even a light flow. And it stopped completely on day 4. I last the full 7 days. So, I'm worried now. Is it too soon to take a pregnancy test now? I know Dilly said you can take one as soon as your first missed menstrual period, but I've read how a lot of people will test too soon and they don't have enough HCG in their systems yet, and it will turn out negative. My boyfriend said he is buying me a test tomorrow. Is it too soon? Should we wait another week?

You're brave. I gag.

Thank you for the information! I muchly appreciate it.

So ya mean the bleeding is definitely a sign of pregnancy, even if it's starting to turn bright red and it's going on 4 days since it started? If so, I'm quite happy. But really though, what's happening definitely sounds like implantation bleeding??? Rather than just a very very light unusual period??

Yes, I was having sex on those days indeed. I have a real handy tool called Mymonthlycycles that caculates it all. I haven't used any contraceptives at all. We've been having unprotected sex for a few months now. I haven't lost any weight or anything like that. I've heard of implantation bleeding, but heard it only lasted a day or two. This light, barely there spotting is going on day 4 tomorrow.

L-o-l, l-o-l, you said unit. L-o-l. Sorry. I digress. That's disgusting, urgh, that's just disgusting. I don't even like doing it after it's been in my vagina.. ew.

My cycle is an exact 28 days, and my period was due January 7th. On that day, there was nothing. Later on that night, when I wiped, there was some reddish brown spots and stuff, but no full-out period. The next day, the 8th, the same thing, all day. Reddish brown spotting and the occasional red spot or two. Not even enough to wear a tampon, pad, or even a panty-liner. Today was the 9th, and the same thing. In fact, for a couple of hours it seemed the 'bleeding' stopped completely. Then we had sex a half hour ago, and afterwards I went to the bathroom and urinated. When I wiped, this time instead of brownish fluid, there was a few streaks of bright red, more than earlier. Still, this is all very strange because always by day 3, my period is heavy, full out flowing. It barely even seems like a period. I don't even have cramps. My sister told me today that she has a bad feeling I am pregnant. I told her about my barely-there period and she told me that very same thing happened to her when she was pregnant with her second child. Advice, please.

His actions, definitely.

That might be it. I often feel like crying a lot too. And I have noticed a pattern , this often happens before my period. Of course, the issues I'm stressed over are always issues that are there, but it just gets worse during this time. I really think I need to consume more veggies and exercise, good idea. I would feel so much better about myself.

It happens regularly, yes. My period is about to start in a few days so maybe that's something to do with it. I'm not taking any medication at all. I tried the yoga breaths and they calmed me down somewhat, but after I stop I still feel stressed. What do you think is wrong?

I can't cope with things, not today. Stuff happens all the time, I'm full of insecurities, I feel fat, unattractive, I know my guy looks at other women in the way he doesn't look at me, I am insecure that he's cheating or talking to other girls, I am letting him get away with too much stuff, I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown! It's like every few weeks everything is "okay" but then I start freaking out. I don't know if you can call it a panic attack but I feel so anxious and worn out and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I don't know how to deal. My younger sister came over today and she's recently had a baby. Well, the girl is thin. Thin! She is back to normal size, 2 months after having the baby. She looks far more attractive than I do, and maybe that's why I saw my guy subtly checking her out on Christmas Eve? of course he denied it. I'm always covering up with a hoodie sweatshirt or this pretty pink flowery shirt I have, that I cover with a jacket so people don't notice how much weight I've gained. I know he could feel my belly slapping against his last night, though. Is that why he looks away when we're having sex?? Someone tell me how to stop being anxious, I'm about to just take a liquor drink or something, I can't calm down, I'm so excited (not in a good way) and nervious and anxious and stressed. HELP!

No, two wrongs indeed do not make a right. I'm sorry that he cheated, and I understand how you would feel. I also understand not being able to get over it, and feeling like some sort of retribution was in order. However, if you chose to take him back, that means you essentially were giving him forgivance and starting over with him. So you should not have cheated on him in return.

Okay, I'll try not to make this too long. Though I'm afraid it might be for some. Actually, it is going to be long. Hopefully you guys will stick with me. But, I'm a bit concerned. My fiance and I are planning on having a child. Well, he already has a child, a 3 year old from a previous relationship. He and his estranged wife are due to go back to court to battle for custody. Both currently have supervised visitation, and my fiance's mother has temporary custody of the child. The reason why the grandmother has temporary custody is because the mother of the little girl is strung out on drugs, is abusive, and was removed several times from their home. She's treated her daughter in devastating ways. As a result my fiance had his daughter alone for several months and did quite well with her by all accounts & witness testimony. HOWEVER, he made the crucial mistake of letting the wife come back into the home, because she had claimed to take anger managment like social services recommended and begged for forgiveness. Well, she ended up being abusive all over again (she hadn't changed a bit nor had she really taken anger managment.) She finally left for good and they went to court over custody, the judge used that against him. The judge found that to be irresponsible of him to do (which it was) and considered it putting the daughter in danger. Also, he was worried my fiance might reconcile with the wife and put his daughter in danger yet again, so he wanted the daughter to be in temporary custody of another to make sure they were not going to reconcile. The judge also wanted them both to take parenting classes, get evaluated by a licensed clinical social worker, and get a living quarters inspection. He has done all of these things and the mother has not. His lawyer said his chances of regaining custody are high. His mother himself told me he was very good with her. I must state here that I am quite fond of his daughter, and she is quite fond of me. Yesterday his mother called him and asked him if his daughter could spend the day over here today, because he had the day off. Of course we said "yes!" Then his mother said, (in a negative tone, I felt) ... "What are you telling this child? She was asking me if (my name here, and she stressed my name in a not-so-positive tone for some reason) was going to be her new mommy. You better not be telling her that. We don't talk like that around here." He said, "No, she asked me if (my name here) was going to be her new mommy, and I told her no, that she was going to be her stepmommy." His mother said, "Well, you NEED to be careful what you say because you're going to be confusing her. She said Daddy said (my name here) is going to be her new mommy. Like I said, we don't EVER say that around here. We don't even say anything about her being a stepmommy, it will confuse her." Well after he hung up I was mildly offended. Of course I can understand that, but did she have to say it in such a tone as if she doesn't even want me to be the stepmother? We suspect she's gotten too attached anyway and doesnt' want to give custody up, and may be jealous that I'll be a maternal-type figure in the daughter's life helping my fiance raise her. I know that she despises the biological mother so it's not a matter of her still loving her daughter-in-law or anything like that. I thought the woman liked me a lot (according to my fiance and his aunt, she does!) so I don't understand why she said this in such a tone. BTW, of course I understand my role and would never, EVER confuse this poor child by telling her I'm her mother, or anything like that. I understand fully well and respect that she already has a mother and I'm not looking to replace that. My fiance and I however know that I'll be more of a mother figure to this girl than her real mother ever will be. So we see nothing wrong with telling her I'm going to be her stepmother. Today the child was saying "You're going to be my stepmommy and (estranged wife's name here) is my mommy!" so she does understand after my fiance explained it to her more in depth. I also wouldn't disrespect another woman like that. I don't like this woman for all she has done to my fiance, his family, and their precious daughter, but I wouldn't disrespect another woman by telling their children that I'm the mother when I'm not. I'd never, ever do that. Something tells me that my fiance's mother might have been implying that, and I think she thinks I'm putting stuff in the child's head. Well, I'm not, and I'm not trying to take over! But I do plan on treating her as I'd treat my own (without ever telling her that I'm her mother, nor attempting to imply it, I'd never do that to someone! She deserves to know she has a mother, whether she's a good one or bad one.) and I do plan on helping my fiance raise her, and I do plan on us being family, whether biological or not. My fiance and I both agree that I'd be far more beneficial to this child than her biological mother, but we're definitely not disregarding the fact that she has a mother already. I'm not sure why his mother acted the way that she did, as if the very idea of such a thing was offensive. In turn this offended me somewhat, though I understand what she means about not wanting to confuse the child. I still however couldn't help but feel hurt by the way she said it, and her tone. Also the way she made this into a huge deal and implied stuff. So today, he said something to her, when she brought the child over. I was still in bed. He said, "Do you have a problem with (insert name here) or something? Just wondering, because of the way you said what you said yesterday on the phone... you just seemed offended that (his daughter's name here) would call her a mommy.. well she's a lot better than (his estranged wife's name here..). But just to let you know, she has asked this of us several times of her own accord, and we have let her know straight out that (my name here) is going to be her stepmommy." She was like, "no I don't have a problem with (my name here.)! It's just that you don't need to be telling her that (my name) is her new mommy." He said, "We're not telling her that, we've emphasized the difference. She calls her by her name, so she does know that she's not her mommy. She's going to be her stepmother." Then I heard her say something along the lines of "Well, that's still not a mother. And I think you're just saying that you told your daughter (my name here) is her stepmother to cover up." (implying that she believed he or I did tell the child this "new mommy" bit, which we didn't! Being that she said "cover up", I think she meant he was trying to 'cover up' for me, and she thinks I really did say something like that to the child! Well, he originally was going to stand up to her because of the way she said it, as if offended. But ending up "punking out" and just letting her talk like that to him. Of course, he needed to be polite about this, I agree. But he didn't have to let her talk down to him, because she's implying stuff and that's not really cool. Not with me and not with him. There's a way to express your feelings on something without being nasty, so he should have. Well I was pretty annoyed with him, because it just seems to me he's a little immature and scared of his "mommy"? .... I've noticed she's a little overbearing and acts like he, a grown man of 26, can't do anything. She's called here twice today just to ask if everything's allright. Maybe 45 minutes after she had dropped her granddaughter off. The first time he said, "look, I know what I'm doing. There's no need to call, everything's fine." He was annoyed with her. She hung up on him. The 2nd time, my fiance was getting a little frustrated. For one, his daughter wants to do a lot of things with me and if he asked her to do something, she'd said "no, I want to do it with (my name here!)" and he was getting a tad bit jealous/hurt. Then, he was trying to get her to take a midafternoon nap, and she wouldn't. So the second time his pushy mother called, he was all "She won't lay down for a nap, she's tired but she won't take a nap" and blah blah, rather than act annoyed with her for calling again after he told her everything was fine. It was obviously because he couldn't handle things (and apparently she thinks so too) and needed his 'mommy' to tell him how to handle it. In fact she had to get the daughter to behave, the woman was on speakerphone and telling the granddaughter she better take a nap, basically undermining him. And he allowed it. What sort of immature behavior is that?? Thought he was such an independent man at first but now I'm thinking otherwise. He told her we were making popcorn and she was like, "Remember (his name), give her only one piece at a time and make sure she chews and swallows and has a drink." She's basically condescending to him and he just takes it. So I kinda said something when he got off the phone, like "Well, we do know what we're doing over here, everything IS fine, she really doesn't need to keep checking up on us. I have experience with young children, and so do you. We're not over here killing her or anything." He just said, "I know, right?" But I'm like, okay, you say you know, so why didn't you speak up and stand up to her? Well, a bit later I noticed a pattern. Everytime his daughter would try to do something he'd swoop in, take over and do it for her. Things she was perfectly capable of. For example, she opened the refridgerator herself and brought out a drink so I could pour it in her cup. Well, he ran over to get the bottled drink before she 'dropped' it, when she was perfectly capable, in fact I said "it's okay, it's ok, she's got it" ... and she brought it over to me, no problem. I poured her drink in her sippy cup, and she even said "I'm a big girl I can do it!" and screwed the lid on herself. No need for anyone to do it for her, IMO kids need to learn and do some simple tasks on their own, it's development. Then he was gonna take her to the neighbor's house and said "well, let me put your shoes on honey!" And started putting on the child's socks and shoes. Well let me tell you, I've been babysitting a 2 and a half year old for the past few months, and she knows how to put her own shoes on. No problem. His daughter is older and certainly would know how. So I asked "Doesn't she know how to put on her shoes?" Not in a condescending way, but in a curious light manner. He said "Yes, but I'm going to do it for her." I said "But she's perfectly capable of doing so, and by doing it for her you're kinda stunting her development. She needs to learn to do things on her own, and she needs to be able to do the things that she already knows how to do. There's no need to to do it for her." He just ignored me. And that's where the pattern lies, his mother tells him what to do and how to do things and probably has often done things for him. He in turn is doing the same to his daughter. I don't want him doing that to the kids he and I have together, and I want my kids to learn to be independent and develop normally without us being overbearing and doing everything for them as if they were handicapped or babies! And no way in hell will his mother be calling the house everyday to tell us how to raise our child, when we have one! Do I have reason to be concerned, or am I overreacting and being a * * * * *???

So you mean; he's still confused about how he feels?

I feel that often, being so angry with one individual says a lot. It says there ARE feelings there, or you wouldn't be so angry.. ..you'd be apathetic. Or at least, not angry to the extent of spouting hateful things day in and day out. So I feel our situations are similar in a way. I am very sorry about your situation, oh my god, that has to be incredibly painful and NO ONE deserves that. It tells me that I'm not completely off-base here though, with my assessement of my own situation. Maybe I'm NOT insane and paranoid after all. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, just hearing about that makes me bad, I could imagine being in the same situation, I completely empthasise. Hope you keep us updated. Indeed I will.

Okay, I suppose you've got some really good points here. Thank you for pointing stuff out to me, I suppose I COULD be more supportive. (I kind of feel bad now, like I was being a bit of a selfish {mod edit}, lol.) And that stuff you said at the beginning is so very true. I guess if I can't handle all of that stuff then I should just get out now? How do you suggest getting over myself and dealing with the fact that she WILL be in his life forever? I could really use some more brutally honest tips (I like your style.) Don't hold back, I need a reality check and a slap in the face, unfortunately you can't slap me in the face but you can deliver that reality check like one. And I'm gonna agree with the last part "But I get this feeling that you are, in fact, taking a good long look at your fiance now. I'm gonna go out on a huge limb here and say that you're not happy with that you see and you're fishing for problems rather than being honest with yourself. He doesn't have to be in love with the ex for the relationship to have problems." It's so true. Very, very true. As a matter of fact, I'm registered here under a different name and have posted some heinous stuff about him. Reason why I made a new name to post this stuff is, I didn't want people who had read my other threads to base their opinions upon that on this *new* problem. It's AMAZING how right you were with your insightful post. You have most certainly hit the nail on the head.

In a way I am defending this guy's right. Well, not HIS right, but his wife's right to bring her S.O. along on her visit, just like my fiance brings me on his visit because we plan to be together so he wants me to bond with his daughter. Perhaps the mother wants her S.O. to bond with the daughter too, I mean obviously. So if that bathtub incident did not happen (and I seriously question that it ever did, being it was his second excuse after floundering for a minute) then my fiance can't really say anything. I mean, he and his wife BOTH have supervised visits, and his mother has temporary custody before they go back to court. He can't control who sees whom. Well, I'm not even defending the rights, or trying to. My intent of the post was to discern whether he was jealous or not, and I still am not convinced that's he's not.

If that's the case then the wife would be able to rightfully get angry over me coming and visiting her daughter, going by such logic. Hmm, just remembered something, perhaps irrelevant but.. on Saturday when the wife had the visit she came alone. His mother told her that she had to leave at a certain time cause he and his fiance would be coming by later. Then the next day when she had her visit, she brings her man. Maybe because she KNEW it would make him jealous? Or, if not jealous, knew it would make him angry because it made her angry that some other woman was coming to see her daughter? Hmm okay, maybe he's not jealous then. Maybe I am overreacting but there is a lot of dynamics going on here.

How do you figure that I'm supporting his ex wife? I'm most certainly NOT. If that Tom guy did indeed get in the bathtub with his daughter, then that's horrible and by all rights, he shouldn't be allowed to go on the visit. But my fiance tends to LIE A LOT to cover up things, and it's just very strange to me that he mentioned FIRST that it's his daughter and not that guys' (as if he was jealous of his wife having a guy and trying to take over the family role) ... and then after I questioned his real motives for being angry, he then came up with this "bathtub" story. Maybe to cover up the jealousy he feels? This is my first time hearing of this story, and I kinda doubt my fiance's mother would allow that man around had that event actually occurred. But if it didn't even happen, well that guy coming with his girlfriend is no different from THIS girl coming with her boyfriend. It's called being supportive of the fact that your S.O. has a child... it shows you want to get to know the child since they'll be part of your life too. He and his wife have been separated for about 2 damn years now, and she won't sign the papers, she keeps filing for extensions. They married about 4 years ago, merely because they were messing around and he got her pregnant. It was a horrible marriage from the start, from all accounts. And yes I've mentioned that he brings her up way too much, and he tries not to but sometimes he'll start to talk and then he'll say, "Nothing.." Then I pry gently and he'll start saying something about her, usually it's triggered by something on television or something that reminds him of her. Usually it's about one of her psychotic episodes and so on, nothing lovely.

I see what you mean. But does that mean he's jealous though- because he sees it as that guy trying to take over the role of 'daddy' with his wife? As his wife and that guy taking over as a family?? ? Plus, he's always talking about me being "stepmommy" and etc etc. Why does he think it's okay for me to come with him but not that guy? Wouldn't that suggest jealousy of his wife's new man?

Thanks for your input, and it was really awesome advice. I actually did just that the other night; talked to him about it. I gave him an ultimatum. I told him the lying stopped and he got some sort of help for it, or I was out the door. I told him that if we're supposed to be a couple, and he considers me a 'best friend', then he needs to trust me enough to be honest with me. He listened and he agreed with me and said he wants to be honest with me. He said he wants to go to counselling for it and asked me if I would go with him. Of course, he could just be saying that cause he thinks it's what I want to hear... but maybe not.

Okay, I'm engaged. My fiance claims to be so madly in love with me, etc etc, and can't wait to 'spend the rest of our lives together.' He brings up his wife a lot however, not in a loving "I miss her" sort of way, but in a "I hate that b****, she's done me so wrong," etc etc. She abused their child and they split. Now she's with some other guy and has been for a long while now, all through the seperation and so on. Anyhow she has supervised visits once a week with their daughter and it was usually at her mother's house. Well, she's known for psychotic outbursts and had one, plus her boyfriend and her were phsyically fighting in front of the kids, so her mother banned her from her house. So she's not seen her child in 3 months. My fiancee's mother has temporary custody of the child and his estranged wife (they're in the middle of the divorce, she won't sign the damn papers for some reason) called her up this friday asking if she could visit her daughter at her house. She didn't want to but didn't want to deny her granddaughter of her mother and knew if anything happened, she'd be there to stop it. So she agreed to have her over for 2 hours Saturday and 2 hours Sunday. And then she said, "You'll have to go back to court to find some other supervised visitation." When my fiancee and I got there yesterday evening to visit, his mother said, "I didn't want to tell you earlier on the phone, but Tom (his estranged wife's boyfriend) was here with Moira (his wife) on the visit. I didn't want to tell you this earlier.." He was like, "Why the ^@!# was he here?" and she said, "He came, I didn't know anything about it. I didn't want to tell you earlier because I didn't want you coming up here starting @#$%." I was just sitting there like, ummm.. . why would he care??? I know his mother meant no disrespect, she really likes me, unlike his wife, who she hates, and always says how she does, and thinks we're good together. But her saying that was REALLY strange to me. She sent he and I to the store to grab a soda for dinner, and I asked him about it then. "Why would you care about her boyfriend coming if you're not in love with her anymore?" He said angrily, (not at me, but at the situation), "Because that's MY daughter! Who is he to come visit MY daughter??" I said, "Um, but she's not my daughter either and I come visit her with you. It's the same thing as your wife bringing her boyfriend with her. Obviously you're jealous of the fact that's she's got someone, and that's why you're so angry about it." He said, "Actually no, I'm angry because my aunt went to get my daughter from one of the visits and Tom was in the bathtub with my daughter giving her a bath. What would a grown man be doing naked in the bathtub with a 3 year old?? I don't want him anywhere near her." He claimed social services said they didn't want to hear it, cause they had heard so much stuff about her anyway and had closed the case. Um that is understandable to be angry, but why would he choose to say "because she's my daughter" FIRST as reasons for him not wanting that guy around? Instead of that whole bathtub story? I think he's jealous because all of that nasty stuff he says about her is just covering up the fact that she burned him really bad, and a part of him will always love her cause she's the mother of his child.. isn't it true that parents will feel a bond between eachother for life? even if they're broke up?? And what do you guys think of the whole situation?

I've been with him 10 months. Also, his mother said that though he tends to lie a lot (like his father, who she's divorced from), that he's goodhearted (Unlike his father). But of course, that's a mother's loving view...