hogan10

We have been married 8 years and have two girls aged 9 and 6.Part of me also believes she cannot change,it seems the wedding for her was just a party and a chance to wear fancy dress.

Doman- really sorry to hear you have suffered a similar experience,I don't know if you agree, but surely nothing else can be as painful as this. Still it sound as if you and your wife are working through it,which gives me hope. New Horizons- you're absolutely right,My wife has now started to give me the details,and unless they are edited for my benefit, then they are nowhere near as bad as I had imagined.It is surprising just how mentally creative you can be when this happens. Maybe,I'm just soft, although I agree with a lot of the posts, that to terminate the marriage is the only real solution,I'm starting to believe she is totally sorry and she says she won't do it again. (will she?won't she?) If we split i don't think it will be the end of the pain, but if I stay, am I just asking for trouble? If we split,surely that would just teach her a lesson,a lesson which I won't benefit from.Then again, if I stay, does this give her the message that she can do it again and I will always take her back. Either way, I know I will never forgive and forget.Do you think I can benefit from Domans experience?

It didn't work very well for me, but we both still love our daughter. We split when my daughter was 2years old,though stayed in touch. No it was not statutory rape I am from the UK where our age of consent is 16years

Had a similar experience. I was 21 and my girlfriend was 17.She wanted a baby more than anything.I went along with it thinking it would put us together forever.It didn't.The stress of trying to provide for such an expensive luxury at that age was too much. thats my story I'm not suggesting the same will happen to you, but you will both enjoy being parents much more if you have the necessities in place.Home,steady income etc."Don't buy the cart if you haven't got a horse to pull it".Pushing is no fun. good luck with whatever you decide.

thanks rabican,on each occasion she had denied it, it was only when I said a few things that she kind of tripped up on, that she came clean,even then she only admitted to the first two initially,I then managed to get her to confess to the most recent,after she admitted that all the money which I had put in the bank (she doesn't work) she had given to some guy to get drug dealers of his back,it was given over a period of weeks but some amounts were large.It was only when I scared her by saying if she had had sex with a drug user we need to go for medical clearance.At this point she paniced and confessed.On every occasion she claims sex only happened once (not sure if that makes it better or worse) and each time she as come back to me and carried on as if nothing had happened.Apart from the most recent one which was discovered when I got to see the bank statements because she had taken the children with her mother to Orlando that I discovered the missing money and wormed out a confession.Even then,to begin with I had to disprove a lot of attempts at lying before I got the truth.

Ailec1987- Counselling is an option and good suggestion ,but usually this requires all parties to be brutally honest, I don't know my wife could be this, since she won't discuss it. I'm not sure until she can open-up we would get the full benefit. Crazyaboutdogs.Point taken,I just believe that whilst she is willing to watch me suffer like this when she knows how to stop it, she is not really being honest and trying to draw a line in the past.As things stand everything will move on with us and continue haunt us (or me at least)

Again thanks.this really helps. slw- you make some very good points,at the moment what I have been told doesn't quite add up so I feel that either she is trying to protect my feelings or as doythink said she is embarressed to talk about. Doythink- you summed the situation perfectly,thanks Ailec1987 - She has said she regrets it and won't do it again, but while she playing down the situation I feel it could be "lip service" Agent- You could be right,however,the detail I feel should be known,because the honesty will help with regaining some trust.I accept your point though,it may initially lead to more short term pain but will stop me torturing myself with what questions like "how long was it going on" "Why" etc.

Many thanks to everyone who has replied.Your comments have been much appreciated.

Hi This is my first post so I will start with the background. I have discovered my wife has cheated on me three times with different people.All though I am trying to forgive her she refuses to discuss any of them in detail, because of this I feel she is unwilling to get everything out in the open and this is making the healing process more difficult as I feel she is still being secretive and is thereforeeee happy to to deceive.I feel at least she could do is answer my questions and give me all the facts before I drive myself crazy with my own unsure answers. Anybody got any advice that will help. Until I know there are no more things to discover I will not be able to put it all behind us. Cheers