Hi, I have never been on a forum like this before - I dont even use the computer much - its my daughters, but I have been feeling quite desperate, and dont know who i can talk to.
My husband of 12 years left me 7 weeks ago, and I am absolutely devastated. Everyone thinks - and tells- that I am doing so well, but inside I am falling apart. I cant stop thinking about him, and him being with someone else tears me apart, (he is now seeing a much younger woman) I really dont want this to turn into a slagging off my ex session, as the thing is, I know it was hard for him too, and I suppose if he didnt love me, he did the right thing in leaving. he is trying to be reasonable, and so am I. We have a daughter, and the most important thing is that he maintains his realtionship with her. He is agood father, and adores her. He is being more than raesonable about finances (we are not well off, but he has agreed that we stay in the house, and he is paying the mortgage, which I know is a struggle for him.)
So you see i am really quite lucky, as break ups go, we are working hard to make this one as smooth as possible, and I know I really have nothing to complain about . The thing is, I feel like I cant face the rest of my life without him by my side - its like the main event of my life has finished, and everything else is just the B movie. I came really close to taking my life after he left, and mostly I think I am past that now, but I still have really low times, and feel so pointless and useless.
when he left, he said that he still cares about me, but he hasnt loved me for 10 years, and has not found me physically attractive for all that time. I feel really angry that he let me go on all that time, I could have been looking to start a new life 10 years ago, now I am nearly 40 and he is with a girl in her twenties!
The thing is, I loved him throughout the whole of the marriage, I never stopped looking forward to him coming home, he was always the first person I wanted to share anything with, and I always thought he was great looking, and was attracted to him. I thought we were soul mates,I never met another man that came close. I felt we could always talk about anything, but when he left he said that he has never been able to talk to me.and has not felt that we were 'close' for years.... Its as if we spent the last 10 years in different universes - his view of the time we spent together is so different to mine, now I feel taht all the lovely memories I have of the time we spent together, bringing up our gorgeous daughter are all false, and that he has taken away my past as well as my future and wasted 12 years of my life.
my day to day life is moving on, I go through the days much as before. I go to work, go out with my daughter. I have even been away to visit some realtives on my own - and booked a holiday. so it looksas if everything is fine. but its not
I feel such a failure, compared to my circumstances, some people have a really rough time, with spiteful , even violent exes - here I am, able to keep my home, I have a good job, a fantastic daughter, I can see taht I just need to let him go, and move on, but I am ashamed to admit that it is too hard. I have managed to get by by not speaking to him at all - everything is done by e-mail, which he has respected (he doesnt call me to discuss arrangements) even seeing his car in the street, or hearing afriend mention his name upsets me.
Im sorry, Im just going on and on like an idiot. I dont really know what kind of help I expect, I guess I just want someone to talk about it to