hi everyone, im not suicidal, but very depressed and hoping that someone out there can talk to me.
i will try to keep this as short as i can...
my mum and step dad were drug addicts all through my childhood and i basically lived at my grandparents house because mum would basically forget to pick me up from school, thats if i even went. nothing i ever did was good enough...i remember spending a full day painting a pic for her at school once and she ripped it up when i gave it to her, she was always very overly protective of me, i was never allowed to see friends,never allowed to go anywhere without her, she told me once that your mum is the ONLY friend you need in life etc. I knew from early age i wanted to get away and live a normal life. I was raped by a friend of hers when i was 6, which was brushed under the carpet because i was apparently leading him on and i was trying to ruin his life.
that gave me an intense fear of men from an early age, no trust, no feelings whatsoever, i was dead inside from that day forward.
anyway i got pregnant at 17 with my gorgeous son, i hardly had any money but i tried my hardest to do the right thing by him. i love him more than anything in this world.
when my son was born, they both stopped taking drugs they havent touched them since, which i respect them for. i split with my sons dad 4 years ago, 9 months later i met my current partner.
mum had a prob with him right from the start, because hes from ireland, she called him a terrorist the first time she met him, all he has ever done is show respect to her and my family.
she basically told me right from the start she would do anything to split us up...ranging from phoning his parents threathening them, phoneing my man at work so much his boss told her he would get the police on her if she didnt leave him alone.
basically, very long story short, my man and i have gone from strength to strength over the years and he knows all about my past, he knew i wanted to have a normal life with my son so he asked us to move in with him, so 2 years ago we both moved to ireland to live with him.
i didnt want to stop my family from seeing my son, so i took him over and let him stay with his grandparents for 2 weeks, basically he never came back.
I got a call from my mum on the day i was due to pick him up saying if i want him back she will see me in court.
Just over a year later i am still fighting to get my boy back. I didnt want to have my son in court witnessing all the fighing going on so i signed a document from my mums lawyer saying he stay with my mum until i get a house over in england, and also he is never alowed back to ireland without her permission and the permission of the court.
I have been on the waiting list for almost a year and a bit for a house, and as it stands i go over to england once or twice per month to see my boy for a week at a time and stay with friends, because of this nobody will hire me for a job as i am hardly ever here, so i have no money, i have no house, i have no possesions and i live out of a bag.
mum sugested living with her until i get a house, that way i see my son all the time, i siad no because i dont like what she is doing to me, now everyone thinks i dont love my son anymore and that im choosing a man over my child (its not the case at all) as it is my man pays for my flights as well as everything else, and he has said he will be moving back with me when i do get a house (he actually got on great with my son).
I am so lost and dont know what to do anymore, do i go and live with the woman who caused this in the first place, or do i stay here with no job etc until i get a house>? I cant even get benefits because my son is living with mum (until i get back) so they all go to her for him (which is the way it should be) i cry all the time cause i cant believe this is happeneing. i am 26 years old.
