BrightEyed

Well, Ive pretty much always been that way. Ive never been a partier. I just recently turned 21 and went out and stuff and I really dont get it. Its just not that fun. I really do want to be myself, but im not having fun being myself, so im thinking I should change. If I made more friends, if I were in a group that I could fit in with maybe I'd have more fun. Idk. Exactly but how am I supposed to find something I like?

This question has been eating away at me. I dont know if its because of the months without anti-depressants, or if Im going through some almost quater life crisis, or if this is just another bump on my path to "finding myself," but I really dont "enjoy" life and this question is now embedded in my brain. I was supposed to go to a party tonight. The friend I was supposed to go with is sick, and I could ask these 2 other girls to go but I think they already have plans and honestly I really dont want to be bothered with it anymore. So, I'll sit @ home and watch other people pretend to have fun on tv. But this week atleast since monday Ive been asking myself how am I going to have fun @ this party w/o getting drunk? It takes quite a few drinks (I have a pretty high tolerance for alcohol) for me to get a buzz and I need that buzz to even start dancing. I was thinking I'd do the 3 drink limit thing. But, anyway fun for me always includes a mind-altering substance. I dont go out much, Im not really a partier but the few times I have gone out I am completely dependent on alcohol to have fun and "loosen up." How do I break this habit? How can I allow myself to just have fun? Im thinking maybe I should branch out & make more friends? Maybe friends who are less about parties and more about academics? Idk, exactly what to do here. My state of mind is so completely different than most ppl my age. Im trying to figure out who I am supposed to be. Any thoughts? Im sorry this is so long and I kinda went off topic a bit. thanks.

thanks for all th responses they definetely helped. I think I do need to leave the "safety net."

The place I live now is a small town with not much to do. I am bored quite often. pretty much every weekend and I have like 0 friends. Even though this is a "college town" It has nothing interesting for me. I like having more options other than hanging out and getting drunk (Im not much of a partier) I just dont see a lot of opportunity here. I'd like to live in a bigger city and my friend says she'd be my roomie if I decided not to live in the dorms. So you're wondering whats the problem right? The thing is if I stay and live with my parents I'd save a lot more money, but I hate being under my parents thumb I really feel I need to get out on my own. If I move and im bored and/or hate it then what? Im just stuck. I really think I could manage financially if I move out. I lived in the area I want to move to before and then I hated (I wasnt 21 and I had no job) but now I really miss it, the city & the diversity and what not. I just dont want to make a decision I'll regret. Either way I feel I really shouldnt live with my parents anymore. Ive allow myself to stay a child. I literally do nothing but go to school and study. I feel I should play a little! Sorry for rambling on. Any responses will be greatfully appreciated. thanks.