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Rescue, I noticed that you kept in contact with Marissa after each break. Did you call her or did she call you? Did you ever tell her you didn't want to talk to her or be "just friends" because of your love for her? Did you continue to see her for lunch and such? I'm just curious. You know my tale of heartache and I'm trying to learn from yours. I'm actively pursuing other "interests", but my heart still lies with my ex. I was shocked when he came over to me in the restaurant last week, but I now think he actually wanted to speak to me - if even for a few seconds. Just the way he smiled at me and rubbed my shoulder. I know this guy for some time. And he just didn't look all that happy with her. She was all over him - but he was not all over her. He looked "uncomfortable". Maybe it's just wishful thinking. But I am seeing someone else now and trying to move on. But in the back of my mind I just have this feeling that they will split and he will call me again. I guess only time will tell. I predict December, 2006. Funny - eh? Please let me know how you handled your contact with Marissa after your initial break when she went back to her ex. Did you not contact her at all and wait for her to call you? If so, how long before she called you? Was it days, weeks or months? Just curious... By the way, when is the baby due?

Rescue- Tonight I went out to a local restaurant to watch a football game with a friend of mine (male). During dinner someone tapped me on the shoulder and said something. I looked up and it was my ex. He smiled and walked away. He then went to a table next to mine and sat down with his ex (the one he went back to). He sat on her side of the table - right next to her- just as he had done with me. She didn't see him talk to me. I never saw her face but she looked almost identical to me - tall, thin, blonde. He didn't do much talking. But she was all over him. And kissing him - he kissed her back. He couldn't see me behind him, but I could see him. I felt sick to my stomache and my head began pounding. I got so sick I had to leave - without him seeing me leave. I didn't want to give him the pleasure. Of all the gin joints in the world.. They looked happy together. I'm back now to square one. Depressed even more than before. I wish I had not been there or seen that. Whay would he act like that with her - having me sitting right behind him? I never hurt him. Why would he do that to me?

I'm probably not the best person to consult with on this one, but I am going through a similar situation. My ex was (sorta) honest with me and told me had an ex gf - but told me he was over her and would never go back to her for fear of her dumping him again. Any way, we were friends for 2 years and dated a few months when he began acting a bit "different". Not as much into our relationship as previosuly. We never once fought and had lots in commoin. Then he tells me things aren't working out - blames it on some stupid reason. Turns out he went back to his ex. I was simply his rebound - a familiar face that he could turn to in his despair. Perhaps your ex also came to you as a rebound. I have also learned thgat when we sense something - like the fact that they are back with their ex's - then we are probably right. So I think this guy went back t his ex - but wants you to stick around - just in case it doesn't work out. We are their safety nets. That's why they continue to call us. I think your intincts are correct and he is back with his ex.

I sent my ex an email letting him know that while I value the friendship we once had, now that he has gone back to his ex - our friendship is not possible. And I am not willing to play seconds to anyone. I was not mean - in fact I was quite nice , as I always am - but firm. I told him that I do not intend on being in contact with him any more. I sent that email on Sunday. It is now Wed and no response from him. I suspect he is just plain happy to be with his ex and perhaps relieved that he won't hear from me again. How sad. I should feel better now - but I feel worse. Do you think he will ever try to contact me? If so, what should I do? Remember, deep down I still want to be with him. Did I screw up? Should I have said nothing? Did I just eliminate any chance of seeing him again? Am I crazy?

I am going through the exact same thing right now. So I'm curious - it's been a few months now. Did he ever call you? Did he leave her? Are you happier now? Right now I'm feeling very depressed. Mine also went back to his ex and I was apparently just his rebound. I'd love to hear how it is going.

I know uit's been a few months - just curious. Did you ever hear again from her and did she break up with him again? Did she come back looking to hook up with you again? I'm going through the exact same scenario right now and I'd love to see into the future....

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am going to try (hard) to take your advice. This will be difficult. But I will talk to him if he calls, but cut out the "outings". I agree that he is having his cake and eating it too. But saying that and really acting on it is difficult when you just want to be with that person and miss them terribly. If you don't mind, I'd like to keep you posted - and possibly get some additional advice as hurdles come along. Would you prefer I post or email you? Thank you again.

Thanks for writing back. I'm sure there is lots of better things you could be doing than trying to help me. So I appreciate this... As far as how long I knew him - approx 1-2 years before we began actually dating. We sat near each other at work (I no longer work there) and even after I left the company we still met for an occasional lunch. I wouldn't say we were best of friends, but we knew each other well enough to have a good time together and ask for each other's advice. With regard to how long after his breakup with his ex, I don't really know. But I believe he began seeing her in Jan of this year (2006) and they split probably 4-5 months later. So this was not a long relationship - just very intense from what he tells me. Then I suspect he called me within a month or so of her dumping him. We then got together in June (many times) and this went on until July when we actually started dating. In early September is when we split up. So we were only together for a few months before he went back to her. But we have been friends for years. I'm really down right now over this. I know I shouldn't want him back, but I do. You did what others told you not to do and it worked out for everyone. I know this man is better off with me rather than his ex. But obviously he doesn't see this now. What should I be doing/not doing?

Thanks for the update. That is quite a wonderful story - I enjoy happy endings. As far as my story, I am separated from my husband of 20 years (long story - he suffers from bipolar & I'm just too worn down to handle it any more) and was very much in need of some support during this time. I'm a PhD with an incredible income (so I need no man to support me), outgoing, friendly, fun to be around and men tell me that I'm extremely attractive (although not feeling that way lately with this rejection). Around this same time I get a call from a friend who I had not seen in a few months telling me he was down in the dumps and needed to talk. He had filed for divorce, had to move (now lives closer to me), has issues at his work, blah blah blah. So I meet him for lunch. I had always liked this man and one thing led to another and I end up dating him (I never cheated on my husband while we were married). Things are pretty good and I'm happy again - first time in about 15 years. I'm getting much needed attention, support during my divorce and I'm having fun. Then I find out from this man that he had left his wife last year - but had started seeing another woman immediately therafter. They were reportedly hot and heavy in love and all of the sudden she dumps him. He said he was crushed and devastated. Hit rock bottom. From what I hear, however, this woman is almost identical to his soon-to-be ex-wife. Controlling, nasty & self centered. He agrees she is all this, but still is crushed. I ask him if he has spoken to her and he tells me that initially she would not take any of his calls. But now he speaks to her a "few times" each month (it's only been about 2-3 months since they split). I ask him if he would ever go back to her and he vehemently denies this - telling me that he would never want to be hurt like that again. Then you probably know the ending....things are great between us (we never once fought) and out of the blue he calls to tell me that he can't see me anymore - except as friends. He blames it on my marriage - doesn't want him to be the reason I left my husband (it wasn't - the marriage was over already & we have been separated for more than 15 months). I know there is something else going on but accept his explanation and then, of course, break down. I go into this deep depression. I called him a week later and he agrees to meet me for dinner - just as friends. We end up staying at the restaurant till they close - laughing as we used to. I never once bring up the relationshi between he and I or his ex. He kisses me good night and then I hear nothing from him again. A week later I invite him to a baseball game - just as friends. Again, he accepts but treats me just as a friend. This is killing me but I pretend it is fine and we talk as if nothing is wrong. Then when he drops me off that night I ask him straight out if he is back with his ex girlfriend (the one that dumped him). He tells me that they had lunch and are talking again (in other words, they are dating hot and heavy). I am crushed - but tell him I wish him well. He calls me a few days later to say hello (I had surgery that day) and see how I am doing. I ask if he can help me out and bring me to a dr appt the following week (he had earlier offered) and he says he'll "see" if he can & let me know. 3 days go by and nothing. Then he calls me right before my appt to tell me he's busy - can't help me out - and apologizes. I am upset and tell him I got to go. He wishes me well and says he'll call again. It's been 2 days and nothing. Before the "break" he was calling me up to 3-4 times per day. I'm devasted that he left me for this other woman. None of us are teenagers - we're all in our 40's and have been around to know better. But now I feel like I was the rebound and although we were great together, he chose her over me. I know that he wants her because he thought she didn't want him - and he knows how deeply I care about him (I'm a sure thing in his mind), so he wants what he can't have. But now he has her - will it last? Will she dump him again? Will he ever want to be with me again? Am I wasting my time? I feel horrible. I have tried not to call him since we spoke a few days ago. Is this what I should do? No contact? And is that what gets them to recognize they miss us? I don't want to keep calling him - only to have him ignore my calls (which he did). That makes me feel even worse. And I know he is ignoring my calls because he is either with her or doesn't want to talk to me. But then why does he call me out of the blue? How do I handle this? I would truly love to be back wth him again. What should I do??

Dear Rescuer, I am currently involved in the exact same issue - right down to my boyfriend being in the middle of a divorce, then dumped by his girlfriend and then rebounding to me - then dumping me because he went back to her. I'd be curious to hear how things are going for you - 9 months after getting back together. Also looking for some advice....