hi,
i'm brand new to this site... found it on the web searching for advice/similar thoughts on my problem. my question is just about friendship... not about a relationship that might turn into something more. i seem to have this recurring theme in some of my closest friendships that i invest too much in the other person. my fear is that it's almost to the point of obsession. i tend to see in the other person qualities that i want to have, and basically put that person on a pedestal. in a past relationship of this nature, i had my heart broken when the other person broke off the friendship. many details to this, which i won't even start to describe. i'm writing now because i see a similar pattern happening in a new friendship. someone who i admire a great deal, and we've become good friends. my fears boil down to these: 1) being annoying by contacting her too much, and 2) i tend to be very generous... giving little things which seem insignificant. and i think this has something to do with being afraid to voice my feelings, so instead i give gifts.
there are many types of love (classically i think 4 are thought to represent the main types of love), and one way i've "justified" this character flaw is that my sense of friendship-love is just overly strong. like, for some reason i value friends much more than having a boyfriend. (i'm single and would love to fall in love... just hasn't happened yet.)
i'm just so afraid that i'll mess this friendship up by being annoying, or being "too much." and it's not like i'm stalking or anything... it's just that, i always have this war in my head when i think about calling or whatever. like... asking myself if it's okay, or whether i'm going overboard. and having to think like this is what worries me...... why can't i just see what is normal and what is obsessive??
and just fyi, i actually have a great friend right now who i'm not "obsessed" with... we're like best friends. and i don't really know why things worked out with her just fine... except that i don't really put her on a pedestal.
anyway... if you have any thoughts, i'd appreciate them. thanks for reading.
