ragdoll

Firstly to ask what is the thing,the happening and the reason ???? Sometimes we get knocked onto a track in life that can not be avoided. There are two events in all our lives which can not be avoided and they are life and death.....but is death really death anyway or is it another life???? I think so. "I am the thing,I am the happening and I am the reason." Cause and effect...what we do effects the outcome but sometimes it is not all that we do that plays a part in our destiny it is things tantagable and intangable that we do not have any control over and sometimes that is for a reason however hard it is to accept it.One thing is true we all have an effect and we should learn and grow by the lessons we learn and learn to accept the things we can not change. Peacex

Sod what step parent says at the end of the day the words have to come out of your boyfriends mouth and be directed at the ex.It does not have to be confrontational.......just have to take a few breaths and say it how it is.I do not think that there is anything wrong about being up front about it.It can all be civilised really.There are plenty examples of exes wanting to get back with former bfriends,gfriends it is nothing new.All he has to do is keep to the point and not get sucked into an argueement.Pick his words wisely and it could be the end of the matter...nothing tried nothing gained is what I say.

I know exactly where you are coming from with this.I was stalked for two years and still live in fear of my ex being able to get hold of contact numbers and my address. I was bombarded with milicious/threatening phone calls and text messages for two years and my partner's car wheel nuts were loosened.The ex was not prosecuted as the police who dealt with it messed the case up by not using all the evidence my partner and I had.I now have a panic alarm button in my house that is wired up to the domestic violence department(the ex is violent.) The police need to be informed as well as friends and neighbors.The more people you talk to about it the better.All points of contact need to be terminated ie change your internet addresses and phone numbers.I know that it is a pain to do it but if he hears your voice and the emotion in it which sometimes is hard to conceal then he will get a kick out of it.I don't want to worry you but it is best if you cut off all means of comminication with this weirdo and do it fast. Peacex

I think that certain individuals with jelousy issues should leave well alone.I know from my own experience of what jelousy can do and how it can interfere with your life.My ex tried to split me and my boyfriend up,even though he already had a girlfriend and had had an affair with her whilst still living under my roof with our children.If your boyfriend's ex keeps causing trouble you may be able to get her done for harassment(I don't know the proceedure in America as I am a UK resident.) One thing that concerns me too is the fact that your boyfriend has not said anything to his ex to the effect that he is no longer interested in her and that he is finding her interest in him aggravating and that it is upsetting you.If he does not say anything to that effect then I would be asking a few direct questions. Hope it gets sorted one way or the other. Peacex

I guess i'm an old romantic as I think that there is someone out there for everyone.I was not 'looking'for love when I first got chatting to my fella in fact I was busily trying to sort out the aftermath of a break up with the previous.I had sworn that I would not be getting involved with anyone else for as long as I lived but eh it happened and here I am three years later with the same guy.If a soul mate is your cup of tea with all the trimmings that is fine so too the companionship of a friend.

You want to get all the past behind you with regard to these relationships.It would be good for you to spend some time enjoying yourself unattached for a while and when you least expect it Mrs Right will come your way.I speak from experience when I say aim higher for someone.Really be chosey with looking for a partner....say to yourself that your a decent guy and that is what your going to get in a woman.

The answer to your questions is that I guess that there is not a set time as each one of us is different and thereforeeee it is very much up to the individual involved and what they have experienced in life with the ex. In my case my ex both mentally and physically abused me and went onto have an affair with a woman he was working with and went back to her on three occasions,the last being when I caught him out.I still have some issues three years after finally breaking up with him.I have a boyfriend now but because of the way my ex treated me and the scars that have been left there have been and there are still times when my confidence is running low and I as a result have become over sensitive.Time, they say is a great healer and I hope one day I will be fully healed as I am sure you will be.In the meantime enjoy yourself,respect yourself and just take things as they come. Peacex