thomask

I feel what you are saying. Sometimes life does just suck and no self-help book, clever advice, or powerful intention will instantly change that feeling. It feel so impossible sometimes, where to meet a girl. A bar, online, seems so trivial. All I can say is be grateful for what you have. At least you have a few close friends that you can talk to and socialize with. Despite your current company's situation, you seem very smart and you should be proud of earning your MBA. The main thing to realize is things can change in an instant. The new job offer, an amazing woman you meet -- it can all happen in a flash. If you focus on the great things in your life, no matter how few and far between, and keep in your mind that -IT- will eventually happen. Be open to it and live your life personifying that magical possibility. Be adventurous, be brave, change your routine. You might not meet someone in a hiking club, but maybe you'll meet someone while hiking, or on your way to the club, or by going out with a friend from the club and meeting a girl out. Eventually sychronicity will unlock the elusive happiness you seek. Then you'll look back on these moments and be glad you kept trying.

RescueDiver, that was a tremendous story. I was thinking you should have been more bold, but I guess in that situation it was only a matter of time. Now that I think about it, you were bold with the big e-mail and rather assertive. Anyway, I'm glad things worked out for you, quite a motivational story. Thank you eosesd for posting a reply, enabling me to see this thread. Wish I had some advice for you. All I know is that while people like to be pursued/adored, they also want what they can't have. You sound like an amazing person, someone that this guy doesn't deserve. Maybe if he realized that, he wouldn't be so stupid.

I guess it's important to know what you want, sometimes the best things are right in front of your eyes and you don't notice until they're gone. Earlier tonight a beautiful, very successful girl I know contacted me. She's older than me, but she always lavishes me with amazing compliments. She really boosted my confidence. It motivates me to get back to what I was doing, stop wasting time feeling sorry for myself, and move on. Honestly, I think like most guys (or people), I want everything I can have or at least want others to want me. I wanted to keep that possibility open with my ex, to know if I wanted to I could be with her, or still receive attention from her. Selfish, stupid, yet human.

I'm feeling a lot of hate towards my ex, even though I think it's unjustified. She's already dating this guy, which bothers me. I've had all sorts of bad stupid thoughts. One reason is, I have nothing else to take my mind off things. All I want to do is focus on myself and have fun. Making her jealous and regret what she did is great motivation, regardless of how pointless it is. However, I feel so negative that sometimes I don't blame her. I knew this moment was coming and did nothing to change it. The worst thing is, I don't even think I loved her. I think I just used her. And wanted someone to be with. It was easy and that's probably why we aren't together. I geniunely love her as a person and friend, but not as someone I could marry. Love, hate, I'm not even sure what those words mean -- just seems to reflect my own selfish feelings. Maybe I deserve this...karma.

Thanks so much for your kind response. I was expecting a more stern reply, since I feel that I was rather selfish in the relationship. I am confused and extremely overwhelmed. Lot of bad news at once. I've lived a somewhat exciting life and I think when my new job didn't come through as I thought, it made me frustrated. That led to a kind of paralyzing effect which hurt my relationship. Part of me loves her but part of me says I wanted to leave her eventually. One reason I was looking through her accounts was curiosity but I think I was trying to prove to myself that she wasn't the right person. If you think something enough, especially something negative, it often can come true. I am connected to her for other reasons so I can't do no contact. My goal is to eventually go back to where I was and continue on with what I was doing before. Unfortunately I can't do that just yet, but time goes by no matter what so the day will come. Thanks again!

My girlfriend and I were dating for 8 months. For the most part, it was a long distance relationship. At first, I wasn't serious about it but later I felt like I was falling in love with her. A few months ago I decided to move to FL to be with her. When I got there, the relationship started to go bad -- like I waited too long to move there. I started thinking she had cheated on me and I wanted proof. I know this is bad but I got her passwords to all her e-mail accounts and her myspace. I also got access to her Cingular phone account online. There were a few things in the email/myspace that bothered me. I started obsessively checking her Cingular account, like 10 times a day. Noticing her talking or texting certain people just added to my extreme suspicion. I knew the relationship was heading to the end. I feel like I consciously or subconsciously sabotaged the relationship. Part of me didn't care. But I've also been depressed about my job-situation and being with her was at least something positive. Now I'm in a new place where I know no one. I'm so incredibly lonely. I have a few great opportunities in my life and I try to remind myself of what I should be gracious for. I know the best thing to do is to be strong, thrive, and build my confidence. If I want to get back with her, the only way is to become the better person that I want to be. Perhaps by then I'll realize I don't want to be with her. The bad thing is, I know I didn't want to be but it was an easy relationship and nice. I feel so selfish, stupid, and confused. I need to stop compulsively checking her accounts, trying to figure out what's she up to. I talk to her every few days still. I need to find a way to bring closure to it, focus on myself, and work hard for what I truly want. But at the moment, I feel completely lost and I hate myself for the situation I've created.