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Ellie2006

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Everything posted by Ellie2006

  1. Ellie2006
    Oh no, Syrix! I agree with what you said! I was just wondering, though, if the OP's husband is really good friends w/ that woman's husband and get along with him well, in general, maybe they can retain the friendship in spite of this incident?? The wife seems to be making it impossible, though ...
  2. Ellie2006
    Oh I didn't mean your husband should stop talking to his friend altogether but just about this particular matter since it's only adding fuel to the fire?
  3. Ellie2006
    Hey Jamie, It's been a little over 2 months (and it was a LDR -- we lived in the same city initially but I had to move back to my home country) And no, he has not tried to get back in touch. On good days, I am glad he's respected my request for NC. And on not-so-good days, well, I guess I don't have to explain Yeah, I think you're right to take things slow ... the scenery along the way is just as important as getting there! Have a great weekend!
  4. Ellie2006
    There's nothing wrong with you! You just want to spend some more time w/ your gf, which is not an unreasonable thing to ask for ... But it doesn't seem like there's a lot of opportunities for you guys to do so right now. If you can't change the situation, then you have to change how you perceive the situation, IMO. So, try to spend more quality time together ... Can you guys use IM/webcams to talk when you are home? Try to meet up more over the weekend. Talk about going to schools in simliar areas if possible ... Just my two cents worth ... Good luck!
  5. Ellie2006
    Hey Jamie, I totally hear ya. I heard something very similar from my ex. But like Scout said, it is really sad (for him mostly but I guess for me as well, to a certain extent) that he does not seem to understand that he is describing love. BUT I don't think it's something *we* can point out to our exes. They have to realize it themselves. I've (kinda grudgingly ) accepted the fact that people can't make their heart feel what it doesn't (or feel what it *thinks* it doesn't) ... Well, hope things are going well with Jake (haha this is a bit belated but I like this name also!). Take care and best wishes to you!
  6. Ellie2006
    Just my two cents worth ... but maybe your husband should stop corresponding with C as well? I know you said they're really close friends (and I know it's not good to get too paranoid about these things) BUT wouldn't what your husband said get back to her?? I don't know if you care if she knows or not, though ...
  7. Ellie2006
    Hey P, I agree w/ CB. Don't email her. Don't call her. No need to explain yourself at all! Plus you'll only be giving her more ammunition ... And who knows how she will twist your words around? I think it may be best to forget her and the whole incident (as hard as it may be esp since she keeps pushing the issue ) Best wishes to you!
  8. Ellie2006
    Hey there, Hang in there ...
  9. Ellie2006
    That's great. Good luck ITG!
  10. Ellie2006
    Well, I do believe your questions and uncertainties speaks volumes ... Would you agree?? You say you're not satisfied with the current situation and don't know if you want to be in a LDR ... So what would be your reasons for staying together?
  11. Ellie2006
    I understand how stressful it is trying to date someone whose parents do not allow dating ... Can you guys hang out during the weekend? If her parents have a problem w/ her going out at night, maybe you guys can hang out during the day on a weekend ... Short of her talking to her parents (calmly and rationally) about you guys dating and getting her parents to be a bit more lenient, I dont see what your gf can do at this point. I am sure going against her parents' wishes for her NOT to date in high school is stressful for her as well. But it seems like you do understand that this is just something beyond her control and you recognize that she would spend time with you if she could. Of course, this doesn't make things easier for you ... So what it boils down to is how you feel about her. Unless she has the talk w. her parents, this is how it will be until you guys graduate. If you think this is a temporary (meaning that the "ban" will be lifted once you guys graduate) thing that you will be able to handle, then hang in there. If you don't think you can deal with this and don't feel strong enough about her to deal with it, then you gotta let her know this is how you feel. Best wishes to you ...
  12. Ellie2006
    I agree w/ you about NOT pretending nothing is wrong. If something is wrong, you should talk about it together to resolve it. If you let it fester, you might ultimately break up over something that you two could have resolved. Anyway, I see that you mention that her parents are very strict ... Does this mean that once school is over, she has to go straight home and cannot leave to meet friends? If you guys think her parents might disapprove (?) of just you two hanging out, (this may not be an ideal situation for you and your gf but) maybe you guys can hang out w/ common friends after school? I guess like a "group" date situation?? Her parents do seem a bit too strict ... I'm sure they're protective caring parents but still, you guys are in 12th grade! Listen, even if you guys ultimately decide to break up, talk to her about this problem. Explore ways in which you can resolve the problem, if you WANT to be in a relationship with this girl. If you are CERTAIN that your feelings have changed and no longer want to be with her, then it would be best for both of you IMO if you tell her the truth and avoid stringing her along ... Just my two cents worth ...
  13. Ellie2006
    Do you mean that you guys don't do anything affection-wise OR just nothing in general? If it is the former, well, have you guys at least addressed the issue?
  14. Ellie2006
    Hi there, Can you explain this a bit more? Did something happen recently that made you feel this way? Do you think it has anything to do with both of you graduating by the end of this school year (You said both of you were in 12th grade, right)? All relationships change over time ... Initially, there's the "honeymoon" stage when you feel like you can't get enough of the other person ... some people never leave the honeymoon stage (lucky them! ) but it's not like that for all people ... and that may NOT necessarily be a bad thing. Anyway, maybe we can offer you more concrete advice if you give us more details about why you might be feeling like you want to break up w/ your gf?
  15. Ellie2006
    Hey Coco, Thanks for the update and congrats on moving on and celebrating your life!
  16. Ellie2006
    Hey P, Sorry for all the drama you had to suffer through! I agree with the other poster; cut her loose. Re: the wedding photos: it sounds like maybe you'll have to cut your losses? It's too bad after all the time/money/energy you put to taking their photos Well, maybe all is not lost since they'll probably want their photos anyway? You sound like a nice person and her disrespectful attitude has been totally uncalled for! I don't think your comment was bad, not in the least, in light of the fact that a) she did NOT get hurt and b) after seeing that she was unhurt, you were only trying to looking out for your little bro-in-law. Don't let her get to you ...
  17. Ellie2006
    JamieK, I am glad that you've found someone so nice, someone you enjoy being with! Best wishes to you ...
  18. Ellie2006
    Hey K, Sorry to hear that you're feeling down ... I am feeling like that myself ... A few days ago, I decided to break NC around Christmas time and I felt so happy just planning to break it. But now I see that it was a stupid idea and have felt like a deflated tire ever since Sorry for digressing. Anyway, how about starting w/ the small stuff? How about getting that scarf, stylin' your hair, and etc.? It might be a small gesture but looking good can sometimes lead to feeling a bit better about ourselves ... I also like to clean my apartment (haha yes, I am a tiny bit anal retentive and a clean-freak!) ... Seeing my place organized makes my life appear organized ... and gets me in the frame of mind to get more organized ... Just my two cents worth ... Hang in there and let's try to beat this slump! (I will try too...)
  19. Ellie2006
    Hey xLDx, I thank YOU for your kind words and I am glad to be of help. Re: breaking NC for HER sake (rather than yours): from my perspective (and others may disagree), it depends on the following: will YOU be okay that being her friend won't guarantee that you guys will get back together? will YOU be okay if she uses as a *crutch*, so to speak, to get over the break-up, and move on to someone else? If your answer is yes to both accounts, only then, be there for her. BUT may I ask you this? What was your reason for asking for NC in the first place? Wasn't it for YOU to heal? Even though you are dealing w/ the breakup better than she is, are you willing to sacrifice your healing process to help her with hers? I asked for NC bc I knew that if I heard from him, my resolve would totally crumble (haha I am weak )and I would ask him to try again, even though I *knew* it would hurt me more in the end. So to keep myself away from that temptation, I asked for NC. To be honest, I don't see how you can benefit from talking to her about how badly she's dealing with the breakup ... Yes, you love her and by being there for her now, you won't feel like you abandoned her when she's hurting. Yes, when she seems to be suffering, your knee-jerk reaction is to ease her from her pain. Yes, it's VERY admirable and extremely selfless of you that you want to be there for her in her time of need. BUT are you sure that this constant contact w/ her won't ultimately bring you down as well? Won't it make you more guilty to keep hearing about her slump? Won't hearing about her maladjustment (or conversely, hearing about how well she's moved on from the break-up) only prompt you to second guess your decision about the break-up? ARe you willing to exchange your peace of mind for hers? Just my two cents worth, but if you truly believe that you are ready to move on and that you do recognize that holding on to each other will not do any good for either of you, then, as hard as it is, I think you should stay strong with NC. Of course, since we still care about the other person, our gut instinct is to want to help them and be there for them when we know that they are hurting. And of course, the thought of them growing to resent us is very disheartening. BUT unless you want to give your relationship another chance, NC seems to be best ... Would you agree that the ONLY way right now to get her out of her slump may be to get back together again?? If getting back together is *not* an option for you, then NC seems to be best -- not only for you but also for her, bc probably, maintaining contact with you now may give her false (?) hope of you changing your mind about the breakup. Best wishes to you and hang in there!
  20. Ellie2006
    Hey qtpie! I think it's a world-wide phenomenon! In my country, if you were to walk down the street, you'd think all the women are in some type of contest to see who can be the skinniest! Some people justify their weight obsession by saying that it's not healthy to be overweight. But then again, being underweight is not healthy either! Like my dad, for example, he had a health scare a few years ago w/ high cholestrol and high blood pressure and since then, he's been on this mission to lose weight. He's not anorexic or anything like that and we're glad that Dad is watching what he eats but still sometimes, it's really disconcerting to see him too conscious about what he eats ... Weight obsession is no longer a "women's" issues, as it has been traditionally perceived ... Anyway, if you are interested in reading up on this issue, there is this great article by Susan Bordo called "Reading the Slender Body."
  21. Ellie2006
    Hey xLDx, I fully understand where you're coming from. Like you, I was in a LDR. Like you, I initiated the breakup for multiple reasons: a) He really found LDR difficult b) He increasingly became unsure of us surviving the LD c) I felt extremely guilty for holding him back from fully experiencing life d) His seemingly lack of investment in trying to make the LDR work e) etc etc Like you, I asked for the NC. It's been a little over two months. First I was in shock, then I thought I was okay, then I was depressed. Talk about being on an emotional rollercoaster! I guess it differs from individual to individual but just to give you my two cents worth ... Expect that you will experience a wide range of emotions .. You may feel guilty. You may feel justified. You may continue to second guess yourself and ... You will miss her. I am sure I am telling you all the things you already know. All I ask you to consider is not to beat yourself up too much. And to take care of yourself (Eat, get out, sleep, exercise, hang out w/ friends, ...) I was a complete mess after the break-up. I dove into work and worked like a maniac. Yes, I got a lot of work done but I was a complete wreck, emotionally and physically, afterwards ... And bc I put off dealing w. all my emotions, I'm still having to deal w. the post break-up blues, two months after it happened! Yes, it sucks we had to break up bc of a little thing called *distance* Yes it sucks we had to break up even though we still love them BUT please don't forget that sometimes we have to do certain things for ourselves ... call it self-preservation, if you will ... Re: being friends: do so ONLY when you're ready to really be *friends* w/o any ulterior motives My ex wanted to be friends. I said no because I knew I couldn't handle it then to hear from him ... to hear how he's moving on and is fine while I can't seem to keep myself from bursting into tears every 3 seconds! Now, I feel more ready. I am even considering breaking NC! Haha ... well maybe not now ... but maybe in a couple more weeks ... Listen, hang in there, okay? And please let me know if I can help you in any way? And do post here ... people wiser than I will surely give you a lot of great advice! Best wishes to you and don't forget to take care of yourself first!!!
  22. Ellie2006
    Hey D, Didn't mean to bring you down Of course we're sending congrats your way. W/O undercutting the value of your progress, I felt that giving some consideration to your reasons for cheating last time would enable you to resist them better in the future ... Sorry if I was too preachy
  23. Ellie2006
    Hey D, I agree w/ RayKay. Good job on resisting the temptation, though! It's definitely the first step in the right direction. Best wishes to you and your bf
  24. Ellie2006
    Hey J, I hearya about life sucking big time right now... I don't know what's going around but I am totally depressed as well Let's hang in there ...
  25. Ellie2006
    J, I love the poetry of your words ... Thanks for sharing and hope you're enjoying the snow (we still have about a month and a half left before it's going to start snowing here)!
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