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cantthinkofaname

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  1. Nope, no contradiction there Note I said "in my experience", as in referring to me, and me alone.
  2. Thats all fine and well for you, however, I as an atheist don't need to worry about that. (Lets not turn this into a religious orientated argument - keep it in healthy (rather ironic considering its the suicide forum)) Depression reoccurs. I am bipolar and as such, even on meds my moods still tend to fluctuate wildly from time to time, throwing me in long periods of depression. No it wasn't a totally serious question, and yes, I am aware that it goes far deeper than that. And no, it is not the willingness to transfer it to others, it is the willingness to escape from pain. Yes, I've had people close to me commit suicide - and from my experience, you get over it. It may take a while, but you get over it. Never was I angry about it. Never did I blame anyone else for it other than the suicide-ee. Like I said before, suicide is a personal option that everyone should be totally entitled to, regardless of the aftermath. You were not given and option whether you'd like in, so why cant you choose out? I will not be belittled by anyone regardless of the fact that I have tried to kill myself before. At the time where I have been my most suicidal, and attempted it, my mentality and my perception denied any real care for anyone else, now however, now is slightly different: I am alive because of one person, whom I know, if I die - she'll die. I don't want her last thoughts to be that of anger (the anger, is inevitable).
  3. So if suicide is "selfish" and stupid because it will cause others pain; yet you yourself are in pain (presumably depression). Is it really worth staying alive just to keep other people happy? Their pain and anger that follows after a suicide, is that not in itself selfish?
  4. Success. Not what the people you'll leave behind will think of you. Not whether it'll hurt. Not whether theres an afterlife. If you truly want to die none of that should bother you.
  5. Its a matter of personal perspective. To me, I really couldnt give a hoot whether it is brave or cowardly, Bravery and cowardice are elements of the living. If you are about to try terminate yourself, that should be the least of your concerns.
  6. Simple. We at least know what our problems are. We know more-or-less what life holds. Death is the final aspect of our lives that it is truly impossible to know exactly what it is comprised of, whether there is an after life, or whether we are just "switched off". The unknown is scary. It is the scariest thing that there is, and thus plunging into it is the bravest thing... follow my logic (or lack thereof) yet? I myself, have failed the act thrice. I have waited through periods of depression in hope that it will as every says, get better. Sure it does for a short period of time, but then youre right back where you started. Life is a cycle you always end back up there sooner or later. One day I will succeed in suicide, whether that be tomorrow or in twenty years time I do not know, and frankly do not care. The saying "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is bull, the problem may be temporary but is it worth it? It never really gets 100% better.
  7. suicide is a choice. a choice everyone is entitled to regardless of religion or lack thereof. Suicide is not the cowards way out. It is the least cowardly thing you can do. Neither you or I know what death holds. Making a voluntary commitment to death is the bravest thing anyone can do.
  8. You know, while this may not be the answer the forum wants me to give, I'm gonna give it anyway: Good luck, regardless of which you choose, life or death. I myself am a highly-suicidal with a few failures under my belt, good luck and I hope you have better luck with it than I did (yet again, I mean with either suicide or continue living). They're gonna tell you it'll get better, and they are right, but that doesnt last.
  9. I am just back from a psychologist. He reckomended that I was put on a list of things, think there are three things he reckomended, but I'm being referred to someone else for a second oppinion sort of thing. I am not unhappy at the moment... I'm fine.... so yeah... I dont doubt another suicidal phase will come, just hopefully, next time I'll be more prepared for it.
  10. Afraid of myself, no, i dont think so. I know it will happen, its not a question of "if", its a question of when. One day I'm gonna cave in again and succumb to these urges. And therein lies my statement of I dont know why I've written all this.
  11. Hey, I'll answer down the list. 1: As far as I remember it just sort of happened, around May 2004 - I cant think of anything that triggered it. 2: Aside from spiders, nothing really. I am not religious and thereforeeee dont have a fear of whats after. I am not trying to sound macho or anything of such sorts, I'm dead serious (bad choice of words, I know). If I were to answer, I'd say living. I hate feeling like this, I hate the fact that my mood swings could harm, whether it be physically or emotionally, someone I care about, however small that list may be. 3. In a way, yes, I guess it has. I see it as the answer to everything. if i've got a headache, my mind instantly goes to the fact that I have a sure-fire suicide meathod. The thing is, at the moment, I dont want to die, but I dont want to live either - just want to sort of switch off. - Actually, one thing that DOES scare me, is that I might do something but not actually intend to... let me elaborate: Last time I was in London, I was waiting for a tube, it was like it wasnt me though, sort of like i was just a spectator if I can put it like that - I appeared intent of putting myself dead centre (yet again with the wording) in front of the approaching tube.
  12. Ok, Well, where to start…. Ok, well first off, I'm now 17 years of age. I am not looking for attention and generally try conceal my emotions. none of this is due to girl problems or anything. I suck at writing, so if I don't get my point accross…. Blah… I have been depressed for close to 3 years now. Around 4 months ago, I decided again that I had had enough and began my quest doing research on various methods. Having already failed a hanging attempt I was not about to screw-up this time (My parents still don't know about the attempted hanging, told them I fell while skating (Fractured 3 ribs)) I decided Potassium cyanide would be the best bet, as we all know how toxic it is and there are several well-known success's with KCN. I eventually found an easy, reliable method of obtaining it legally; I am STILL sitting with close to 1kg of the stuff – took me close to a months to get it. Well, long story short. Notes written, room organized, all ready to go, I was interrupted by an unsuspecting person and a freak accident… that was about 4 weeks ago. I had a single good week, my mood was great, I was happy then I started going in a steady decline again. Everyday for the past 4 months, regardless of my mood, I can be perfectly happy and still have this relentless desire to die; it's like a craving that I just can't get rid of. at the moment, I don't want to die, but I've still got this feeling… its like…. When you're watching a crappy show on TV and you just want to turn it off but someone else is watching it and enjoying it but you can't leave the room? Odd analogy, yes I know. I went to a shrink last year but left because I wasn't sure I wanted to year but he had to say… that was before I admitted I have a problem. My grandmother has bipolar disorder. The shrink said that I had a very high probability of having both BPD and some or other personality disorder. I don't know why im writing this, or what I want… blah
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