Acer

Thanks for your words. And I'm sorry for your past. You had it WAY worst than me. Probably (and I hope so) you're right and I'm just having a rocky adolescence. I guess the thing that put me on the seach was my family history. My mom's family is all messed up. She has to be always on the meds, or else she'll go to an extreme state of anger and then depressed to bed. A sister of her with schizophrenia, another one that tried suicide once although I don't think she's on meds right now (and she's doing great). There other two that I don't know very well, but I know that one of them is on the meds as well. Her father (my grandparent) has some disease as well, but I don't know if he's taking any med. Anyways, all the problems they had could be due to genetics or just bad childhood. My grandparent beated his wife, his children. Bad stuff. Had sex with one of my aunts, broke the leg to other, let one die and so on and on. He tried suicide too - at least one time.

Yes, you may be right, of course. After all, I'm not a doctor at all. To tell you the truth, I can't hold on being depressed or sad for too long. When I was 14 or so, I remember being mildly depressed for some weeks. I never thought of suicide in a way 'I'm going to do it', but at that time I just wandered around with the 'World sucks' feel, not talking to a living soul. My friends ditched me. But asides from that, I can't really be depressed for too long (or atleast this is what I can remember right now). I know that I may be sad all day, but, just like a glimpse, I can act like a lunatic, jumping around, singing and screaming like I've won the lottery. Well, to be honest, I enjoy being maniac or whatever. The feel is just awesome, just like I can go out and be whatever - a Karate Champion, a best-seller writer, whatever. But when I'm depressed, I really just want to re-assure that feeling, just like a 'normal' depressed person. Right now, I can't stand my always happy father, but I know that in a few hours I may be as well joining the fun with him. One thing that scares me is that I just don't know 'who I am'. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad. Since I was younger, I would try to define my personality copycatying whoever I liked, be it a TV star or whatever. It's just like in one day I'm one person, and the next I'm other. EDIT: I'm just 16, so perhaps the fast mood swings relate to my age.

Yes, but believe me, I looked everywhere. Encyclopedias, books, Internet... I did little 'self-diagnose' quizzes. It can't be just a coincidence that I present more than 80% of all the symptoms.

Well, to start with, a lot of people from my mother's family, suffers from mental illness - nervous breakdowns, depression, etc - with a lot of suicidal attempts and things like that. Anyways, since I was a kid I felt that there must be something wrong with me. I wanted to know what the hell was my problem. First, I thought I was a depressive person, but that couldn't be, because as I could be depressed one day, and staying in bed, the other day I could wake up very happy. Well, I think I have bipolar disorder. I know, I know... We shouldn't label ourselves, but I did a lot of research on this, and everything checks. The mood swings... Depressed one day, euforic the other. It sucks sometimes. I remember when a friend of mine got dumped by his girlfriend, and all I did was laughing at him because he was such a wimp. =/ And a lot of weird episodes too. I'm *pretty sure* I have bipolar disorder. Example: Yesterday I wake in bad mood, in the afternoon I felt great, and by the evening I felt like punching my dad for telling me jokes. I tried to laugh at them, though. Well, I don't want to be like my mom, always controlled by her meds. I think it's awful to live like that. I think it would be nice to go to a psychologist and, well, talk, but I ever said to my parents I wanted to visit a psychologist they would just go 'What the hell are you saying?'. It's tough. One day I wake up, and it's like Life's great. The other day, Life sucks, with no apparent reason. I feel great for losing one of the more important person in my life in one day, and the other I feel capable of crying all day and blame myself. Well, I tried everything with Self-Help in it, and I'm quite proud to admit that I've had some results in improving my life and my overall happiness. But no matter what I do, I can't avoid this 'mood swinging' or whatever. I guess I don't have a specific question, but I guess I would like to hear from people who have some experience with this kind of things.

I'm going to disagree with you, Liza. Heaps of girls love sensitive guys? Not really. You see, a sensitive guy tends to be the passive person in a relationship, and we all know that, in most cases, female = passive role/male = active role, while in a relationship. I was a sensitive guy, and you know what, that did no good for me. Honestly, girls don't care about your feelings early on (maybe in an advanced phase of a relationship, perhaps), they only care about what you can provide them, i.e. fun, happyness, thrill, whatever. A lot of girls used to told me 'Oh, you're so sweet and sensitive..." and I got some mythical lines too, like 'I wish my boyfriend was more like you.' But that was what they were saying, because all of them were hanging off the non-sensitive guys. Acts = true, words not always. ----------------------- Anyways, back to the original poster. Man, it's tough, and I know what you mean. You want that girl... The one who will make everything be OK. Well, you won't find her if you keep that way. You want a serious and romantic relationship, and that's fine. But how are you going to find a girl for that if you're too afraid to be with girls in a sexual way (and by sexual I mean romantic). Go out with them, have fun. The point of that is to try them out, and see which one clicks with you. As a lot of people say, it's a numbers game.

Well, this Summer vacations, I joined the work-force and had 3 jobs. I gained a lot of experience, and my next step is to go with my own business. The problem is, I'm a bit confused about how to go about it, and perhaps someone will be able to give some suggestions. I'm a 16 year-old, in the 11th grade and I have some... SKILLS 1 - I'm a straight A student I've considered helping other students, but it wouldn't be legal, and students explaining things to other students isn't very popular here. 2 - I speak English fairly well, a bit of French and I'm learning Japanese. And I have my mother-tongue too. 3 - I can make very, very simple webpages and put them to work. 4 - Oh, the biggie... I simply LOVE to write, and, not being snobbish, I'm good at it. I wouldn't mind doing something in any of these areas, but if I could make money with writing I would be a happy guy. I've been thinking about starting some kind of publication, but I don't really know if it's a viable thing to do. Anyways, the... PROBLEMS - I live in a small town (>10.000 people) - I have virtually no money to start a business - There are really no need for traditional american part-times jobs (baby-sitting, washing cars, cutting lawns, etc.) Uhm... I don't know, but maybe some of you, guys, can come up with something that I haven't thought of.

I agree with sumguy. I don't think you got used in a conscient way, but you got used no matter what. And some friendships just fade away. Even with best friends. It's a very hard thing to face... My best friends ditched me some years ago, and it was one of my hardest moments. But you know, people change, and we just have to accept that our friends aren't amused with our presense anymore and that they've found someone that they like to spend more time with. My take would be to keep him as a friend, but don't expect much from him. Meanwhile, go out and search friendship in other people.

Thanks, Rain__man, for your words. My problem is kinda silly, compared to other people problems, but it confuses me as hell. As you said, she kinda killed the girl I loved, but the feeling is so strong that I have a Rational VS Emotional battle in my head. I'm divided but, yeah... I think that going as a friend and trying to help her out may be the best solution right now, although it'll probably confuse me even more in the long-term.

This may be a bit long. Bear with me, please. Two years ago, I was at in the bottom - never thought of suicide because of Christian education. Anyways, I was a problematic depressed kid. I had lost all of my friends, I was bullied at school and was to afraid to face it, I had problems at home (which I won't go into)... It was bad. The only thing I had were my awesome grades. And I blame no one more than me. Random girls I knew would pass by me and slap me for no reason. They insulted me whenever they had a chance. Gosh, how I hated the world at that time. It was a lonely and tough, tough year, the peak of a situation that had began in my 5th grade. I was a loser, a wimp, a emo kid drowning in self-comiseration - that's the me I see when I look at the past. Anyways, a year later, I met a girl. Now, a curious thing. She came from a wealthy family with noble origins, she was beautiful and nice. Yet, she was like me. Insecure and afraid of the world. She got raised in a bubble her parents made; random people at school would join up to insult her; she had no true friends. She was as lonely as I was. Well, few months later, after a few events that don't really matter for this post, I and her started to talk a lot more and to hang out. When I opened my eyes, we were like bone and flesh... Like brothers. We understood each other in a perfect way. I felt loved for who I really was when everyone else hated me. And that by a beautiful, awesome girl. It was amazing. Yet, due to her lack of confidence and such, she's weak. Although what we had was only a friendship (no hands together, no kisses), she put her life in my hands. Whatever I said to her was sacred. The problem was, I was weak myself at the time. So, fast forward. A "friend" of her, put her in touch with a guy that was interested in her. The guy acted all nice, and gave her presents and such. He actually seemed a cool guy. But he was always jumping in when I was with her and so on. And she always said to me how he was weird, how she didn't like to be with him, how she preferred to be with me... I said nothing in response to that things, and when I looked, bam, they were girlfriend and boyfriend. Yet, she kept saying to me how she preferred to be with me and didn't like him. She was this weak. She was expecting me to say what she had to do. And I did. I said words that still make me wanna punch the wall. I said He is really a cool guy. Look, you have a boyfriend, and he really likes you, it's great! So... I think we shouldn't be together as often as we use to do. I was really, really happy for her, although I knew she didn't want that relationship. After that day, I never had a chance to talk with her. Just a 'hi', 'how are you', 'bye'. And when I realized I had lost her totally for her, I got insane. That day, I was at her house, at her birthday party. I was left alone in the living room, completely alone in a room, listening people up-stairs laughing and giggling. I lost it. I say 'bye' to her, and left. That day was my 'I had enough' point. I erased all my past of my mind and was decided to start all over again - my entire life. I crawled out of depression, I tried to handle tough stuff at home, I made an effort to face my fear of socializing. All of this, during a year. And I achieved a lot. I have good grades, I'm in a course I like, my home is peaceful for now, I have some friends and good acquaintances... I even got a beatiful nice girl to like me, and believe me, that was quite a feat, since I was your nerdy cliche guy! So, I climbed very hard, and now I'm truly happy with my life - I couldn't be more happy. I dress well, everyone respects me, I have girls chasing me... I mean, after struggling, I got to heaven. I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but stil... In this year where I trained myself, I tried to erase that girl out of my mind. And I did it successfully. But when I opened my eyes, I fell on my knees. She had lost all of her friends that she got when we were "together", her grades went down (she was as good as me), she is always angry and sad... And worst, her boyfriend, that "cool" guy, is an abusive * * * * *. He doesn't even allow her to talk to anyone that's a boy. What's worst, somebody told me he beats her. I don't think that's quite accurate, but I saw her back once and she was all scratched. Then I looked at her. She wasn't the same girl. She is always angry (she was as nice as you could get), she controls her boyfriend the same way he does to her (although with less success)... She's an envious, arrogant girl that only "behaves" to him. The persons who cared, talked to her - they got insults. Everyone leave her alone. So I decided to call her. Hiding my number, I managed to get her to pick up the phone and told her how sad I was because of her. And she agreed with me... I felt touched. She listened only to me. After a year, she still remembers our friendship and values it. She stil trusts me - but she denied being beated up. On to the confusion that's in my head. I really liked her. I didn't feel passion or anything with her. It was just a calm emotion of safeness and security. And that was best than being in love. I don't know if I looked to her as a sister or something more. But this feeling of love is now hurt. After months of seeing her making out in public, acting jealous, arrogant, fighting with the boyfriend over trivial friends and - oh, the most awful things. I don't feel she is the same. I mean... She changed, but since our phone conversation, I'm pretty sure that for me she will be the same. Now, I'm not that weak nerdy guy I was 2 years ago. I'm a happy strong willed guy, I have friends, I dress very well, I have girls that are into me (although I never even kissed anyone ). I went from the bottom to the top. I know that if I want to, I can get her out of her relationship. But since she is so weak, she will be all clingy on me. I will be the only person she will hold herself to. One part of me says Move one and forget her! But I'll feel guilty if I do so. The other says, go for it! But I'm too confused - the only way to pull her out of that relationship will be to make her my girlfriend (which would be easy, I believe). But I'm afraid of get in a relationship with her. I love her more deeply than I ever loved anyone else, but I'm not sure if it's more a brother love or a "guy love". And I don't want to mess with my past. I would rather meet new girls to get in a relationship. But her appeal is strong. What do I do? Just forget her, move on and eat the guilty for a long time, or take her out of that situation, and be responsible for her? The guilty for allowing her to fall in that situation is so big that I know I have to take her out of it... I just don't really know how to not mess up myself in the process. Thanks for reading, and sorry for the lenght. If the post is confusing in some way, just ask me to clarify it. =)

With a bit of effort, yes. Well, that's a relief, then. Yeah, I don't stress over this. I know it's just a minor problem but, hell, am I 'curious' about how it will work out.

Well, although I'm a 16 boy, I never kissed a girl. Nop, I wasn't waiting for the perfect girl, I just used to be really messed up - not anymore. Anyways, I do have a tongue. But I have a little problem: I was born with a muscle of my tongue in a position where it shouldn't be, so my tongue has less mobility than most people's tongue. It's not something you can see, but I'll give you an example: when you put your tongue out (-> ) your tongue... well, gets out. When I try to do it, I can't. My tongue barely touches the lips. Yeah, it's funny. So, I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to french-kiss correctly - or *gasp* even use the tongue for oral sex. Anyways, how would you feel if your companion wasn't able to use the tongue in a kiss? Ugh, and some tips would be useful. I'm kinda terrified of going down on a girl and well... can't do it. That would be messed up.