Honey Pumpkin

Awwwww, thank you! I have endless dreams about flying, and in them I can fly similar to how it is when you swim. I always think for a second when I wake up that if I could just remember the trick to it, I could do it in real life! I love my flying dreams.

If my soul could fly, it would kick off the ground with one pudgy foot rising through the air parting like water, pure happiness like lightning. Soaring, swooping, dancing with kites, twisting and diving, witnessing the ground bound with compassion; they can't know this delight. I hope this is what death brings.

Well, maybe it depends what he wanted? I mean, I have to say it would not be what I expected if I were to commission a vampire portrait, I think I would want something more realistic but sinister and so on. It looks a little cartoonish to me, to be honest.

And I find it really comforting right now, when I've been dumped and am sad. I remembered thinking about it on the bus coming home, and I thought I'd post it here, because it's so beautiful. It's about learning to love yourself again. "Love After Love (Derek Walcott) The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life." I love these lines: You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you Just thought I'd post it here because it is so beautiful and moving, and really comforting.

I'm really hoping that posting here will give me a focus, and kind of help me to break the cycle that I have going on. I just feel so...down, thinking about doing this. Oh well. Day 1..

My dad made a new friend last year - he's 89! I often look at how my father has worked throughout his lfe, because he is always making new friends, whereas my mother has never had that knack. I think it's about being open and interested in other people, and also not over-analysing what they think of you. Not reading too much into things - my father tends to take people at face value, and not worry about what they think, if there are hidden motives etc. Sorry, maybe this isn't good advice. But I do look at people who have the knack of warmth and making new friends, and it IS a definite attitude, a willingness to reach out and take a chance, rather than wait to be coaxed.

How would YOU feel if you divorced? It sounds to me like you're making a sacrifice because you think your husband is worth more, that your love somehow isn't enough. That to me sounds almost like a crazy statement of love, rather than the opposite. Mixed up and not useful or positive, but still a declaration of love. I think you also sound a wee bit depressed - you sound like you've had a rough time; do you think this may be affecting your thinking? I just worry that you are not making a sensible decision that you really believe in, but is a reaction to something else. What's going on in your life RIGHT NOW?

Don't send!!! You will regret it in the morning - what if she doesn't respond, or says 'thank you, that's sweet', or just runs? No, far too full on. Never send ANYTHING when drunk/angry/otherwise not your rational self. You may regret it, and cringe when you remember. Wait until you're stone cold sober, and then talk to the girl!

I teach a lot of IT skills at work, and to be honest most people learn by doing it themselves with me guiding rather than by sitting there and listening. That's not odd AT ALL, it seems to be you're pretty normal! It's not that easy to learn by listening alone, to be honest. The thing to do is to work out what works for you when listening - I tend to take notes if it's something I need to do, and believe me, people are sooooooooo grateful that I have written it down verbatim (eg how to test the fire alarms!) rather than just stood there and politely nodded while someone explains. It's finding out what works for you, and applying it. That's the smart thing to do - but no, you're not at all unusual, you seem pretty normal to me! BTW, what did people do before we'd heard of ADHD? I think there are of course people with it, and I work with people who have it, but it seems to be much MUCH more common in the US than it is here in the UK. Anyway, don't sweat it - seem perfectly normal to me in terms of your comprehension!

Hi Sean! Okay, your post was quite long, and there were a LOT of things that you wanted to get off your chest, which was good. What's a while? Since you started, or has this come on gradually? A LOT of young people at university for the first time feel like this, and there are places on campus that can help you with this. Have you checked any of them out? It's a common feeling, and while I know that you think you're alone, you're really not. Loads of people (the majority?) feel scared and stupid and anxious at times. You're honestly not alone. I bet you're a nice looking guy, and that it's lack of confidence in yourself thats holding you back. Hair - I know it's sensitive for you, but women honestly don't care. Shave it off and have done with it! Acne clears up (get advice), and starting to get fat? Well if you're just STARTING, that's easy - a bit of exercise and healthy eating will sort that out for you in a couple of weeks. Hmmm, sounds like it's tied in with the depression and the anxiety that you've described - and the lack of self-confidence. I think that this would ease with trying to get out there and build self-esteem, but I'm really no expert. It might be worth while talking to your doctor about this? Or a counsellor on campus. Your personality seems just fine to me - you're articulate and self aware, and not a whiner. I bet that you don't come accross as whiney or a loser, but possibly a bit shy and quiet - which are not bad traits AT ALL! You're 19 - half the people around you haven't been out with anyone or scored yet. Honestly, most people lie about this anyway, trust me. You get to thirty and eveyrone fesses up that they weren't at it until they were in their twenties! I think you need to get out there and socialise, not to meet girls as such, but just to get to know more people. Find out what interests you, and take risks. It gets easier with each step. I think you need to consider talkign to someone about this, but also realise that you're just fine and need to work on building your self-esteem and confidence, and things will just fall into place. There are some great sites out there about how to do this. link removed isn't too bad. But there is loads of material available Keep posting - and don't be so hard on yourself!!

So you'll have finished by September? (Sorry not sure how long a semester is...). You can do this, you will feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good once it's done. Really proud of yourself, and glad you've done it.

For me, being more romantic is more about an attitude than anything else. That you kiss the hell out of each other not because it's a prelude to sex, but because you are so into each other that you want to snog for hours - think like teenagers, and how turned on that got you! It's more like hugging and kissing through the day, sexy thoughts and images, and less like it's all leading to an end point (penetrative sex). I saw a great tip on a programme once, where a couple had to be very sexy with each other, but weren't allowed to have sex or orgasm. After a week, to be crude, they were totally gagging for it (this was a couple who weren't having a good sex life). I think there is something about BANNING sex that makes it more of a goal, somehow. You know, forbidden fruit and all that. I think I can find the reference if you like.

How long is a semester? It doesn't SOUND too long, to be honest. I know it's horrible when people are all in gangs and so on, but that's their loss. They sound pretty young and silly, to be honest. It's good that you have friends - that's so important, and shows what a lovely person you are. I know it's hard, but this last semester will pass, and pretty soon you will be back out in the working world, and really making a go of it, meeting new people, doing new things, and being so glad that you have your MAT degree. And you have us! Things will get better, honest

Tricky one - I think I would try to make her feel valued and gorgeous, and that it's not just trying to get her into bed. And talk to her about it - ask her how you're going to work this out as a couple; both of you take responsibility for this, but how are you going to take it forward and move past this? Make her realise that this problem is putting your whole relationship in jeopardy. There's also couples counselling - might that be an option for you? Finally - I respond well to being told I'm gorgeous and lovely by my bloke, especially when he does it in unusual ways. Using different phrases and praising different bits of me, rather than just 'sexy' and 'beautiful', try saying something that is specific to her - 'you have incredibly elegant eyebrows' for instance. I know it sounds weird, but thoughtful, unusual compliments are a killer! I reckon you've tried a lot of this though - it is tricky! Dont' give up, I bet your girlfriend is as miserable as you about this if not more so - make it something that you solve together! Good luck.

Why do you think he's using you for sex? I suppose what I'm trying to say is - do you feel happy in the relationship? Valued? Is he reliable? Do you feel you communicate well? I think a healthy sex life is absolutely terrific - it's fantastic and huge congratulations. But I wonder what makes you think this is a 'bad' thing? I suppose only you can tell how the relationship makes you feel generally, whether it's supportive and comforting as well as excellent physically.

Hi Rusloi, No it's not a good idea. How are you going to feel when she says 'Hi' and has a brief chat, then says she's gotta go because she's got better things to do? You've had a five minute chat and will feel rubbish all evening (and tomorrow) probably. And for what? Sorry, didn't mean to sound harsh!! I'm just not sure what you're going to find out by IM-ing your ex, apart from putting pressure on the wound. God knows I understand the temptation, but ask yourself why you want to get in touch? Are you hoping for a fantastic chat and maybe to get back together? If it were me, a brief chat without any warmth would hurt me so much, which is why I'm saying to you to go and do something else instead! Sorry, dont' mean to sound negative.

Take the test - it's probably stress that's messing your body around. Until you've got the test results, don't do anything. I think it's tempting to share this with him (why should he not have to do some of the fretting!), but honestly, you're better off waiting till you know for SURE. I bet you anything it's stress that's messing your body around, you know.

It's the most satisfying fantasy in the world, and that's fine to help you through this - to look gorgeous, be laughing and beautiful, so irresistible he has to want you there and then. BUT try twisting the fantasy - you look that good, he's on his knees crying wanting you back, and instead you swan off with Daniel Craig (Johnny Depp, George Clooney, insert whoever you like!) who treats you like a goddess. Isn't THAT even more satisfying? If it helps you to get through the dark bits, then fine. But no, I think you're worth a zillion times more, and I don't think you would even want him back. But do focus on you, making the most of yourself, being the happiest, most fulfilled young woman you can be, that is a great ambition! Good luck.

No, you shouldn't. Unless you are a bit of a martyr, and like the idea of sitting at home wondering who he was seeing that night, before coming round to yours. You deserve more than someone who may or may not want to be with you. You are a human being with needs and deserve to have someone who would put you first, not as a maybe substitute. These doubts are normal, I know and can sympathise, but seriously, you're much better being on your own than having your self-esteem smashed to smithereens by someone who doesn't really want you, but doesn't not want you.

Hi there, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Me, I would not see her until she had chosen. I would look out for myself, to be honest - and if she can cheat on her boyfriend, then she could probably cheat on you. I think you're letting yourself in for a lot of heartbreak. If I were you, I would cut off all contact, tell her that she has to choose, she doesn't get you on the side, and then get out there and meet gorgeous girls who want YOU and YOU alone, not as a side dish to give them a thrill. Sorry, I know it's hard, I just think that she's using you. Or at least, she doesn't know what she wants, and is hurting you. I think get out now, and let her make a choice. It might be you, it might not be you, but at least you're not being used by someone who doesn't put you first. Good luck!

As for people touching my hair - because I've got long thick hair (my best feature) I often get people sticking their hands in it, stroking it etc. I don't like it from random strangers, I must say - definitely not a big turn on. If I like you, however, then I love having my hair ruffled and stroked and caressed. But wait until you've snogged (kissed) me first before you stick your paws on my hair....

Keep it simple - cancel the trip and cc her in on the email, or forward the confirmation that the trip has been cancelled, but without any other explanation. I think you're right, that NC is working for you as a way to move forward. If you start to open the channels of communication, you'll be waiting and hoping and checking for a reply, and then analysing what she sends, and then back to the early stages. Better to be polite but completely detached. I'm sorry you're hurting so much - break ups really are incredibly painful, and it's hard to stick to your guns. But you'll be pleased when you look back that you did this, honest! Good luck.

I think masturbation is quite important for women, because it can help them find out how their body works and what makes them feel good and orgasm. Otherwise I think it's a bit hard to expect your bloke to be able to figure it all out, when you've never really worked out how your body ticks. Just makes it easier to communicate. I think it helps you feel comfortable with your body, and feel comfortable with yourself as a sexual being. Plus it's fun! There is a site dedicated to female masturbation, but I'm not sure it's suitable for a public forum. PM me if you want the link!!

Yeah, I think he was giving you the informal heads-up that the internship is coming to an end, although he's going to try and see if there is something he can do. You showing someone new the ropes is another sign! I think he was being nice, to give you a bit of notice, and also to say that he really hopes they can find a way to keep you on. But not to be too surprised/disappointed if he can't. Good that you've enjoyed it and learned a lot - I'm sure that it will stand you in good stead in your future career.