well......I've never been here before, on this site that is. I'm not sure if this is where I should address my issue...but i'll start anyways.
First of all, my Mother died almost exactly a year ago, I just graduated and ohh man it hit me...it hit me hard. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years in febuary and I am ready to start dating now. I've been on a few, had my heart broken too. But no one has hurt me so badly as this last guy.
I met him at a party I hosted and he was very nice. The next night he offered to take me out and show me a "good time"...that was ok with me. He didn't get anything out of me like he thought he would that night. He tried so hard to real me in and make me think he was going to be there for me. The next day he called me up and apologized for even trying...and he told me that he found that attractive. I hung out with him that night we talked all night about everything...he knew about my mom, he knew that it was a hard for me right than. I kissed him that night...and the next night we hung out and made-out.
We were both surprised that we liked eachother, we thought it was going to be a one night thing...but it lasted. The next weekend we hung out again. He was real, very very real. I liked that he wanted to take care of me, I cancelled a date for him...I shut a potential boyfriend out of my life for him. We were "seeing eachother" and he we both agreed on it. I had to go away on holiday's with my family and he was heading home for 2 weeks, which is 2 hours from where I live. I didn't feel that I needed to call him all the time...and I didn't for a week. When I did talk to him we spoke about how we felt for eachother...he really cared, he liked me, I liked him. He helped me escape from the pain of loosing someone so precious. Another week went by and he replies to one of my e-mails, at the end he say closes saying "hugs and kisses". Another week passes and he goes missing...and another week and another. I finally get a hold of him and he says he still wants to continue our relationship, and he says he'll call the next night...he doesn't call. I'm hurt...so hurt.
I talk to his best friend and he advices me to run...he told me to just run away from him cause he doesn't want me anymore. I can understand that people loose interest, but I wish he would call. I wish he would've told me, he knows I'm hurting and he still conflicts even more pain into my life. The worse part of it is that he will continue to do to this women. If he hadn't touched me I would be fine...I'd label him an and call it a day. But instead i stupidly allowed him to touch me and use me and take advantage of the little confidence I had. I want to be held and loved...but for some reason I attract the kind of guys that hurt me. I know I may sounds pathetic, or maybe even a little desperate. But he knew I was vaunerable..he told me so, he told me he "didn't" want to take advantage of that....but he still did. I feel worthless...like dirt. Why did he have to touch me? Why do I feel I want someone there? Why can't I be ok on my own? Why did he have to hurt me like that?
