shikashika

Glad to hear that for once, I'm not at all a scrawny guy, I'm 200lbs and muscular but it seems a lot of girls like the teddy bear (fat) look. What gives?

200 pounds and muscular and no facial hair? You sound divine!

I certainly don't like the teddy bear look!!! I may be making a generalisation here, but I suspect that girls who don't care that their guy has a soft tummy, probably have a soft tummy themselves!

WEll personally I like a clean shaven guy... and nothing wrong with being lean... much better than being overweight!

I don't think you should start dressing like a grandpa in pleated trousers either! You are 28 , not 78!! I'm nearly 30 and none of my guy friends wear pleated pants, even at the workplace!

ugh... I wouldn't let any guy PAY for me.. especially not spend that much ( an airfare!!) for me to go see him.. Why can't he spend the airfare on coming to see you??

if I guy did that for me.. I'd feel like he expected something in return...

maybe its because you started some new birth control......

why do you want to create an interest and muddle about when she is with someone else?

Sounds like you are interested in her because she is unavailable and you can't have her.

With everything you are describing it sounds like a game you are trying to play rather than really be interested in her.

Stay away from her I say.

no.. its not weird.. but she will know you are interested!

I think this all depends on where you're from.

In GENERAL.. Canadians and Americans are much more prude than Europeans ... notice i say in GENERAL

It seems that there are more Canadian and Americans that I know that make these 'numbers' so much more of an issue than my European friends and relatives

just an observation

i don't get what you are feeling guilty about.......

its natural to feel like that I think..

but he with YOU.. not her..

Shika, toys are great, but sometimes, it doesnt cut it, esp when you want the touch and feel of a guy and the cuddliness and the comfort of a guy. Toys are so sterile. Sometimes, I miss being able to sleep in a guy's arms, cuddle with him, and do the foreplay, that you CAN'T get with a sex toy.

I agree.. I love the weight of a man on top of me..

but if one is looking for sweet loving tenderness, cuddling and comfort.. then that sounds like that person wants more than just a casual arrangment.

if you can keep your emotions out of it and just keep it purely sexual, then I would say go for it, because sometimes you just need to scratch that itch and toys dont always help.

ha ha!! I like that...'scratch the itch'

(although I have to say a 'toy' has NEVER let me down )

what about boy toys ?

That is the only thing I would worry about... that and sti's

one would hope that someone one is sleeping with is at least using condoms...

not a good idea. get a boyfriend who is willing to invest in you for a relationship and then do him. eventually either you or your ex will fall for someone else, and if it happens to be him first, for you it'll feel like breaking up all over again. (believe me, i've done this. dated a guy for 4 months, we realized the relationship wasn't working but we were both hot for each other, and still got together strictly to fool around. not a happy ending)

maybe not a good idea for YOU.. but from her post.. it sounds like BOTH of them want the same thing!

I have been in situations where it was purely sexual and it was fine.

to the OP... if you are missing that physical aspect of your relationship then I say go for it... and enjoy it!

i think sex in a commited relationship can be incredible... but sometimes you just need a quick fix as well... and if both partners want the same thing.. then no one is getting hurt.

When one person wants more and the other doesn't.. THEN there can be problems..

Nothing is black and white anyway..there are problems in relationships, there are problems with casual arrangements as well.. THere are also good things in both!

yeah jian... you said, she replied with a short hello... I would take that as unfriendly.. not friendly.

Go talk to her and see for yourself

I think you are reading too much into it... maybe she does... but maybe she doesn't... I wouldn't think because she touched you shoulder that would mean she was into you though

umm.. I smile and say hello to lots of people at the gym...every day.... it doesn't ,mean anything... I even *gasp* go and make conversation with guys, ask them to give me a spot... ask them about their workouts...

doesn't mean a thing

I'm sorry, but I just don't think this is comparable. His talking about how she performs a sexual act is the same as her talking about his PMS empathy? Perhaps you're right and he did feel "emasculated" by her comment, but I think most people would think it's sweet, as, I assume, does the OP. I think he'd only feel emasculated if he's insecure; if he was secure, he'd make a joke about it himself, and that would be that. Just my opinion.

yeah I agree.. I don't see what giving head has to do with anything... they aren't comparable at all!!!

... or you are at an age where you want meaningless sex... is it what you want?

go for it if you do... if not.. then don't!

yeah the "I'm the boss.. no you're not.. yes I am.. no you're not..." sounds to me like there is a deeper issue there.

I'm no relationship expert but I'm guessing you are have a strong, independent personality.. and he may feel threatened like that.. and by saying he's the boss.. he knows it makes you very angry.

Well.. we only know one side of things... yours!

But to me it sounds like she is being immature..or she could just not be that into it... and is using it as an excuse to be on a 'break'

If it really is about what Steven said.. I think she is totally overreacting..BUT don't tell her that!!! she will only get defensive and blame you for telling him.

Has Steven said anything to her since? Maybe he could tell her "I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you.. Talshy is a good friend of mine and I hope we can all be friends"

have you tried anal sex?

i find positions where the guy is behind it feels tighter

Well I think Steven was a bit silly for mentioning that to her in the first place!!!!

What one earth possessed him to do that?

If you were all really close friends.. maybe... but it seems quite odd or insensitive on HIS part that he would do that

What reasons has he given for not wanting kids ( aside from that it is taking away from his 'fun' time?)

Is it financial worry? Worry that he wont' be a good father?

hmnnn.. if I were you and you KNOW you want kids.. I wouldn't want to wait 3+ years to see if he changes his mind... What if he doesn't? Then you will have spent 6 years with someone who was always clear that he didn't really want children?

Totally agree. He always says to me that he is "the boss" in the relationship. I don't think he likes it when I grab the reins.

Is he joking when he says this?

Does he say this when you two are on good terms, in a good mood.. or does this kind of comment only come out are argument time.

That would make me furious if anyone told me that he was the 'boss' in the relationship

Does he ever say this in defense to something you've said?

rules-shmules...

Whether you have sex after 3 hours or 3 days or 3 weeks or 3 years..it doesn't matter..

I have never heard of such a rule