CE102

Thank you to everyone who read my post and to those who written a response, I am very grateful for the time it took those to reply. It has been a help hearing some outside opinions. I can still say that I am still at a crossroads, arr can you believe it ?!? I would of thought I would of sorted myself out by now, But No life is not simple afterall. After seeing my ex so much recently and listening to it all, I am swaying towards him. I love him and I accept that our difficulties were both of us and we did not make it work. But with a bit of time away from each other and some seriously honest conversations I feel better about our mistakes and the reason(s) why we had to break. I still do not know what the future holds it is too soon to rush back in, But I feel a lot more positive about our lives whether they will be together or apart. If any one is reading this still Please feel free to pass a comment, we all know what relationships are like and when there is complications it is alway good to receive other opinions. I thank you all again. CE102 X

moved out 2nd may, got text 7th July

Scout, The day I moved out was the last day I saw him, until he text me last month. He did go on holiday with two friends who are married and their little boy, when he returned there was an envelope in my tray (we both work for the same company but do not usually cross paths since he has moved to another office). He had bought me a cd, and some stuff he knew I wuld like. i emailed him to say thanks but he shouldn't have but i hope he had had a nice time and thanks alot.

Thanks for replying scout, I guess so. I mean we lived together for a year and a half, and he was always there if you know what I mean, he did not disappear, but when it got tough, he would always call it a day, we always got back together soon after, like a day or two, we just slept in different rooms, but still made dinner for each other. We got back together because I know it was my fault too, I was quite moody and bi##hy with him, which I do not do now. I was always testing him and him too. The only thing is he is quite manlipuative. Not in a nasty was, like recently he know's I am going on holiday with my new guy, and he gave me an ultimatium, either go back to him and he can forget that I was with someone else or lose him forever. I did chose steve, but now I feel sad, I wonder if I am in morning as such, and now know he has met someone else, is all of this spurred by jelousy? Thanks CE102 X

Hey all, thanks for reading this. I seem to have put myself into a bit of a pickle and now I do not know what to do. I apoligise in advance as this will probably be long, But please read and offer any advise it will be greatly appreciated. I was in a long term relationship that lasted the best of three years. We split in March this year and moved out of our rented house. The main story with My Ex Simon is that no matter all the will or trying we just could not get it right. I had previously been in a five year relationship, and was engaged and 6 months away from the wedding day when I found out that he had been cheating on me for 18 months, so naturally as you can imagine big time trust issues. I did bring these into my relationship with Simon and to make it worse he had only been married five months when he found out his wife had been cheating. So you can imagine the mess we managed to get our self's into. So we were madly in love, and when it was good it was really good, we had some excellent and loving times together. I got quite ill last year with a brain injury and got a bit depressed, I did not need medication, but had five months off work recoverying from my injury. We had, had problems before with me being moody and paranoid, and we had finally cracked it about two months before I got ill. After I got ill our relationship took a big jump down a very big hill, if you know what I mean. Simon was quite controlling and eventually we split for the millionth time. That was five months ago. He told me he did not love me anymore and no matter how hard he tried to get me going again, he was resound to the fact that I could only make me happy, he could not live his life for both of us, as we only enhance what the other already has. Very sensible I think. So time passed and I thought sod it, all the troubles we have had and that fact that he told me that he did not love me anymore there was no way that time apart would resolve it so I went on a date and am nowing dating a great guy called steve. Everything in our relationship is good, easy going, funny you name it we have got it. So a month ago my ex text me asking to met up as he had found a box of mine he would liek to give me and to see how I am doing. I told steve, who naturally was a bit wary but nether the less accepted it. I met my ex who did not know I was seeing someone, he poured his heart out, telling me that he made alot of bad choices, and at the time he thought there was nothing left to do but to tell me he did not love me anymore as to try and help me, because all the time he was around me as a support structure I would not do anything for my self, I would always be in my comfort zone. He said he never stopped loving me, but had to let me go so I could stand on my own two feet and be me again. This did work by the way and I feel so much better and am back to myself now. bearing inmind I know simon very well I could see from his reaction and face that he did not know about Steve, he is very moral and would never interfere if he already knew. He was upset naturally. He admitted alot of things off his own back, I did not say anything about the past, he was extremely honest and said these things off his own back. He said that he did try and control me and manlipulate me because again bad choices, after what he went through with his ex wife he thought that giving me all of his heart made him weak, but realising that being without me and not giving me any of his heart now made him weaker. He said that I was the one and the bad decision he made about mot loving me was the hardest thing he ever had to do. I said except leaving your wife of course, but he said no that was easy she had been cheating on me, i knew you loved me and I still did that thinking that was the best thing to do. He asked me to marry him saying that he was never going to hold back again, and prove to me that he meant every word by commiting through and through (which was a problem before, like not getting engaged/buying a house). the end of it all I am unresloved about Simon and I. I feel that we met at the wrong time, and got alot of things wrong. My family is dead against him now, as are his family as they all say all we did was hurt each other and why would we want to put ourself through it all again. He gave me an choice and I had to choose Him or Steve. I chose Steve as I was too scared to go back and really believe him. Since then I have been crying alot and sad without him. I spoke with him the other day and he said that he had met someone, nothing serious but was going on a date with her this week. He said all I wanted from you was to believe me, take the leap of faith, but I didn't. He believes that despite jelously being a strong emotion, he knows it is a motivation for me and him. Now we are at the point of living separate lives because we got it wrong again. I do not know what to do. I feel that time apart after being so honest with each other is good, and I have called a time out with steve. But nothing is going to resolve it self if we are going to see other people. As for steve, he is lovely he really is, but there is not as much fire with us, and I worry that I chose him as the safe option. I do not know. How can I possible love two men, trust me it is not a good as it sounds, it's awful to try and choose between two people. Please help, any advise would be great. If you have read all of this I am extremely grateful. Thank you for your time CE102 X