pants of action

This is a different girl. I've been in touch with her for about a month and a half. We're taking it really slow, but apparently it's recently dawned on her that she's more into me than she thinks I want her to be. This whole incident kind of smells of drama, but I've got my feelers up. Not sure if I should run or what, but my primary concern right now is that I should respond to her text, but I don't want to say something like, "Oh, it's alright", because it's not. At the same time, however, I don't want to start another fight, or be misunderstood. A part of me wants to make her laugh. God, I'm strange.

I'm pretty sure I know that when, after a girl keeps you up all night, fighting violently via text message, ending by saying "I'm done", then texts you the next morning to say "I'm sorry I was such a B***h last night", it means she's messing with your mind and wants you to jump and grant her forgivness. Or, am I being cynical? I got the "I'm sorry" text about an hour ago and I don't know what my next step should be. BTW, this is a girl that I'm not officially a couple with. She's scared of how much she likes me because she's been hurt a lot in the past. In a way I get it, but in another way I don't.

I've been in and out of touch with my ex-she's been calling a lot, and we are nice to each other, for the most part. I know she misses me, but I don't know how to respond to that, so when she tells me, I acknowledge it but don't respond in kind. However, I got just got this message from her: "don't know if you can tell by this late night barrage (sp) of messages but i miss you. like in the way when you didn't hate me or think ill of me. i miss how well we used to get along. i really miss my best friend. ....................f**k." I'd think I'd feel bad if I didn't respond, but I don't know what to say. Any ideas?

Thanks, everyone. I still feel like I should apologize or something, but I think I'll be able to just let it be. It's weird, because I think I just realized that I spent a lot of time in our relationship looking out for her feelings, and many times, I was very very quick to catch myself and apologize. I don't get to put her first anymore, and it's kind of a strange feeling. I go back and forth between wanting to be cool and collected with her, and wanting to gush forth with my feelings and devotion. But I know that I need to do what's best for me, which is to protect myself without burning any bridges. I will not talk to her again until next week, regardless of how many times she calls or emails. It's actually been a great source of strength for me to see her unanswered email and her missed calls, and know that I didn't jump at the chance to communicate with her.

I spoke to my ex this morning, and we were really civil. If anything, we were a little passive aggressive with each other, but we seemed to keep a sense of humor about it. But when I told her that I'd be picking up the last of my DVDs when I come to get my info off the computer, I said, "Ok, then we'll be done". I don't even know what I really meant by that, but when she pressed me about it, I said something like, "it means that I won't have to go round the apartment anymore, because I don't need to see you". She got offended and we had a little discussion about what it means to break up. I said that breaking up meant that she decided that her life would be better without me in it. She said that breaking up meant that our relationship would change but that we'd still be connected. It kind of stopped there, but I could tell I hurt her, at least a little, and I don't think I really wanted to. Of course, now I'm freaking out a little bit on the inside, worrying that I've ruined something, and that she won't want to speak to me anymore. What kind of damage do you guys think I've done?

I've got a similiar situation on my hands. My ex's b-day is coming up (well, not for about a month and a half, but it's already on my mind) and I want to send her some stuff. Throughout our relationship (of almost 5 years) I'd buy her massages at a local spa. They weren't very frequent, and I'd usually buy them at the end of the school term, right after she'd worked her tail off. Also, one of our favorite pastimes was to watch epsiodes of the Simpsons on DVD. I bought the sets, though, so when I left, they went with me. I was thinking of mailing a simple card, with a voucher for a massage, and a season of the Simpsons. I can't tell if this is overkill, looks too needy, or would be perfectly fine. I wish I knew how it would make me feel before I actually did it. What would you guys do?

Hey Pro; you can't really do much about what you dream, much like you can't really do much about what you feel. You can, however, control how you react to such things. I used to have a lot of dreams about my ex when we first broke up, and if I didn't make the decision to leave the bad feelings behind when I started my day, I'd be miserable. With NC/LC, with each passing day you have a chance to get stronger, and to concentrate on yourself.

I actually think if I'm not moving on more quickly than she is, then I'm at least able to handle my life a little better. I've lost weight since then (good weight-I've been working out, exploring LA by bicycle, eating healthy) and managed to furnish and settle into a cool apartment in about one week's time. She, on the other hand, has fallen a little sick and has had a couple of traumas to deal with, as she's dead broke, and her mother somehow landed in prison on drug charges. I think I'm pretty happy right now, although I do miss her. Am I right to assume that if the horrible pain of getting dumped passed, that missing her outright will, as well? Just in passing last week, she brought up for some reason what she'd want out of her next serious partner, and she said that she wants someone who is aware of their feelings and that has the ability to talk about them. Hm..is it just me, or is that exactly what I'm learning to do in therapy? She's gotten a good taste of what going out with your friends every night is like, and she's found that it's not always cool. I think that if she's missing me, or still has feelings, she won't talk about them, which I can't really do anything about. I think that being able to do that takes a lot of guts and maturity, and she might not be able to handle that just yet.

Hello; I'm not sure where to start...okay, first thing I should probably say is that I'm gay, and that my story involves myself, and my girlfriend. I don't know if enotalone is gay-friendly or not, but I've gained a lot of strength and insight from the stuff I've read on this site, so I'm just going to assume that people here aren't as homophobic and ignorant as the world at large. Anyway, I was with my gf for 4 1/2 years. She was only 18 when we got together, and I was 21. We had a very loving, committed relationship, and we both went through lots of changes in the meantime. Mind you, I'm not saying that it was perfect all the time, but we communicated well, despite the fact that I have a quick temper and a few other problems that I'm not proud of. She went to DC for a month for school, and when she came back, we had The Talk, and she broke up with me. I was devastated, because although I'd been unhappy for a while with my life in general, I didn't want to lose her. At first, I did the opposite of a good idea and I called her all the time. She was going out with her friends a lot, and it drove me insane with jealousy. After a while, I cooled out. I started going to therapy because I wanted to address some desctructive patterns of behavior that not only led to the break up, but only held me back. The ex knows about it, and although she has the audacity to ask me what I talk about, she doesn't get mad when I tell her to piss off because it's none of her business. I was actually excited about meeting new people and having my own apartment, and I started having fun. It's been about six weeks now, and she calls me quite a bit. I always pick up, though, and I should probably start waiting a bit. We usually talk for a long time, and for the most part, its pleasant. We both know that there's some things we can't talk about if we don't want to fight, so we manage to avoid those topics. She's indirectly invited me over to see how she's decorated her new room, and to have dinner with her and her new roommate, a gay dude who just graduated from university in May. I've been hanging out with a really cool girl, and the ex asks about her all the time. Anyway, my question is, where do I take it from here if I want her to start thinking about getting back together? Any and all suggestions are most welcome, and I look forward to repaying the favor. Thanks!! ** edited to add: I should probably also say that her reason for breaking up was that our relationship "had evolved", which i think is total BS. It sounds like a cop-out to me, akin to "it's not you, it's me". I think what she wanted was to break up with me but keep her best friend; she even wanted to still visit my family with me, and to participate in the hobbies that we share. I honestly don't know if she believes it possible to sever the thing that made her part of my family and still expect the connection to be there.