AutumnBorn

Hey, Loser Face, when I asked if you wanted to join S. and me for dinner, I was being polite. I didn't think you'd actually say "yes". I'm glad you did, though. It was nice. And thanks for buying.

Hey, Loser Face, it was good to talk with you last night. I'm glad you called, but my five minute limit was up, so I had to go. When you asked why, I had to come up with something quick, so I said I had to make a phone call at 10. There was that sound of disappointment again. You think I was calling someone I'm seeing, huh? You're so weird.

Hey, Loser Face! I knew you wouldn't show up at curriculum night. You couldn't care less about our daughter's education. What you missed out on is hearing how fantastic she's doing. You should have heard about how great she is in the AP statistics class, the cool projects she's going to be working on, and how her advisor said she should be doing 2 hours of homework each night and what she needs to work on. You took the time out to cruise the personal site you use, but none to meet with your daughter's teachers. Loser Face, indeed. Try using your BIG head instead of your little one. You also missed my incredible shortbread cookies (I was asked to bake for the auction) and how hot I looked in my new dress and boots. Maybe that's why you didn't show - you hate eating your heart out when you see me.

Are you going to the meet with A.'s teachers tomorrow night? Or are you even aware of what night it is? You checked out of parenting a long time ago. Do you ever think about how your passive-aggressiveness makes her feel? Do you ever think about anybody else's feelings?

Your new place is ugly. I can't believe you bought it after asking what I thought of it. You had doubts and I told you not to. But it was such a "good deal" and the square footage alone made you think it would be "family friendly" for later resale? Are you out of your mind? There are four stories and no yard space. What family would buy that? Who wants to carry kids and groceries up two flights of stairs? There are two stairways between the master bedroom and the nearest other bedroom. You are clueless. And that sofa you showed me online is hideous. Hideous. Stop taking Sweet P's advice. I saw what she wore to that fundraiser. I'm certain she's an intelligent, warm, loving woman, but her personal style must be an embarrasment to you. A short sleeved dress with fring hanging down to the elbow? The sliver purse? The "diva" watch? You're seriously listening to her advice on buying and decorating a place? And while I'm at it, why don't you apply some of that keen intelligence to parenting our daughter? Instead of buying another TV, why wouldn't you take the TV out of her room? She's isolating herself. She has no reason to come out of her room now except to get a drink. Not one reason. And a place other than the floor for her to put her clothes would be nice. Your life is a mess without me.

I knew you'd make contact....you can't stay away too long. Sixteen days, though. That was almost too long. It was so good to hear your voice. The only thing that would have made it better would have beeen to hear you say something I want to hear. Something clicked with me yesterday and today it gelled. 1. Asking me to give R. a BJ; 2. Your telling me a few weeks ago you still fantasize about me - watching me with someone else; 3. Asking for details of my sex life with S.; 4. Your wanting to experiment with an open marriage; 5. The personal ads you placed and those you responded to; 6. The porn story sites you used to visit; ....and more. You think you have fantasies. You have a fetish. I looked up cuckold and there it was....cuckold fetish, not fantasies. I feel so stupid for not having figured it out before. You'll never be content with me or any woman who loves you...you'd want any woman you were involved with to act like a * * * * * . Oh, love, you should have talked with me instead of trying to hide. I didn't know how you could be so unhappy. I hadn't done anything to drive you away. You had to find a way out because I couldn't follow where you were compelled to go.

Momentary breakdown. I was in the bathroom grooming my eyebrows. Something I heard on the TV reminded me of the night S. broke down in the yard. I couldn't stop the tears when I heard our daughter screaming "we're supposed to be together" again. The memory of her pain and your selfishness will live with me forever.

Two weeks NC today. It's a record for us. It's only getting easier.

Have you found a therapist yet? What's the hold up? Why don't you want to be happy? Too scared?

It's true, Briessa. Everyone here thinks so.

A year has passed since this thread was started. I wonder if Nynnja has any idea as to how important it's become to so many sufferers. Anyway, onto my post... Hey, Loserface! Did you find a counselor today? Stupid question, I know. Your doctor and I have been telling you you need to get one for how long? And you've taken what step? Oh...you did put it in your scheduler, but I'll bet a meeting or happy hour trumped your emotional and mental health. Prove me wrong.

If you had mailed that registration, like I'd suggested, I wouldn't have been sitting there while you signed the title. If I hadn't been sitting there, you wouldn't have mentioned dating it for the third. If you hadn't mentioned dating it two days ahead, I wouldn't have thought about it being September 1. And if all that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have thought "it's our anniversary". Last year you were hiking with Sweet P. The year before with Lacey. The year before that in London with Lacey. This year you worked late and I, finally, forgot about it...bought a birthday gift for Kyle, got a pedi/mani, and you had to go and ruin it for me. When went to E.'s to play cello, it's all I could think about. Broke my new A string, then broke the old one, so we went out for dinner. First September 1 in four years I didn't cry. Thanks for the hug, but I didn't need it. I doubt you did, either.

I forgot to tell you....I saw Craig on the boat the other day and he asked if I could give him a ride to the four way. We talked about his son, the trips he and Lynette have been on, all the cool things he's been doing. I told him you'd bought a place on Upper Queen Anne, had taken our girl to Vancouver for the weekend, and E. and I are taking cello lessons together. He said he'd asked you to go to Reno, but you said you didn't have time, and he stopped asking if you'd come over for first Thursday. I said, "I wish he would get out and do something. He needs more joy in his life." Craig: We could all use more joy. Me: Not me. If I had anymore it would spill out and who knows what could happen. I've had the best summer of my life. Craig: Really? That's great. Me: Yeah. I think it's the cello. It is the cello. And sailing. And the road trip. And the concerts. And the men whom I've noticed are noticing me. THIS IS THE BEST SUMMER EVER. I wish you felt as happy as I do.

Got my stuff locked up. Have fun snooping around. Crap...forgot the recycling. Would you take care of that for me on your way out of town? Thanks, hon.

You're coming over to meet the guy about the heat pump and I'm here at work. I'm going to have to run home, shower, change clothes, put my things away, and come back before you get there. I'm sort of hoping you'll stop by my office to let me know what he says, but you won't, I know. I'll have to ask you...or arrange for a consulation with my own heat pump guy to find out what's recommended.

Your physician is right. You need therapy.

The house you bought is butt ugly.

I guess we've spoken for the last time, barring an emergency or offer on the house. You will never apologize for any offense against me, I know. How does one get from "I do" to "f-you"? You've got Gail back in your life. Good for her! She needs a good income and being Mrs. F. is a job, that's for sure. I predict the two of you will be married within the year, if not this winter.

I told Pete about your week in London. He nodded, like that explained a lot. He also seemed confused by the fact we recently had sex. He said "huh, that doesn't sound like he feels nothing for you" in a way that let me know that's what you told him. Yet, you still claim to love me. Your lies and manipulations are all clear now. Day four of NC. Day seven of feeling nothing but pity for you, my childish former love.

Your comment that I was wrong to fight for my family was the most brilliant thing you've ever said to me. It made you look so ridiculous, so immature, so nonsensical, I clearly saw how pathetic you are, how much you want to twist things around to hurt me. The irony that you said this during a conversation about empathy and steps we could take to communicate better wasn't lost on me. This idiocy of yours has killed the last bit of love I had for you. I could never settle for a man like you. I don't have a clue as to who you are, but I don't want anything to do with you. You've done me a great favor. Thanks for being you! I'll say hello if we run into each other at A.'s ballet recital, but that's it. I don't ever want to have to attempt to have any kind of conversation with you, so I hope you don't say anything other than 'hello' as I will have nothing more than that to say to you...oh, if you mention the weather, I'll ignore it. You can't turn me into a bank teller.

I didn't expect you to be so self-absorbed that you'd skip out on the meeting with A.'s advisor, but I guess there's no end to your games and self-absorbtion. You couldn't put your desire to ignore/not see me aside for your daughter? Do you ever wonder why I divorced you? Read the first paragraph again.

OK, if your game is now to ignore me after I didn't return your call on Sunday, I'll take it as a challenge. You'll have to call or email five times before I'll respond.

I've been thinking about things and feeling angry. You are a fool. You've never felt passion for me, but I shouldn't feel bad because you never felt it for anyone? You should feel bad, B. You lie and cheat, play head games and are passive-aggressive. You're the most arrogant person I've ever known and so out of touch with you're as deep as a coat of paint. You're using P. for sex...Isn't that how we ended up married? Careful there...you could end up married to someone you really don't love again. Your freedom to run and respond to craigslist ads was more important to you than your marriage and your children's sense of security. You are not a man. You truly are a mouse. Then, there's the house you're looking to buy. You called our home an albatross around your neck. You're going to go back to spending your weekends working on another fixer upper? Who's going to be working with you to get it fixed up? Not me. You left me with 2400 square feet of hell. You should find out how difficult it is to hang drywall on your own. I hope you do. I'm so angry, I'm going to go out and buy something for the house. New rock for the driveway. I like the crushed granite I put out front and think it would look good in the driveway, too. How much money is there in the joint accounts?

Hey, loser face. I need to hire someone to come clean the skylights. You know I won't go up there. Don't worry, I'll take it out of one of the joint accounts. I got the results back from my second series of mammogram images. I have to go get an ultrasound. I'm going broke with medical expenses. Mind if I take a thousand from savings? Really? $1500? Thanks, babe!

I guess you're not going to the auction. Thank God! I didn't know whether I could take my new man or not - not that I know if he wants to go yet, but he wants to do whatever I want to do, so it's all good. I was afraid you were going and taking P. What would I do if I ran into you with her? Be gracious when you introduced us then leave to cry? What if I took D. and got upset by seeing you with her? That would be very awkward...but you're not going, so crisis averted. Now, do I want to take D. or not?