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AutumnBorn last won the day on October 23 2011

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About AutumnBorn

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  1. JL, you resent her seeing other people after the break up? My advise is you should absolutely move on and consider her just another part of your past. What we do when we're not in a committed relationship is fair game and not up for debate. Besides, she can't undo anything and you've more or less said that the idea of her having been with someone else is too much for you. I say this with both your and her interests in mind: It's likely your resentment would lead to contempt and the one thing that's absolutely impossible to overcome in a relationship is contempt, so getting back tog
  2. You know one thing that keeps people from being happy is the decision to not be happy. Just decide that the BS of what happened while you were apart doesn't matter. It's not a topic that needs to be discussed and dissected. In the words of Frozen, "let it go". Have you read Al Turtle's website, alturtle.com? (Best and most comprehensive website on the internet.) Also, I recommend Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. Not a relationship book, per se, rather a sociology book with insights into the how and why of breakups (and, in turn, some insights on how
  3. Get a better education from a reputable school. That's the most important thing you can do for you and your son. There may be childcare at the college you attend and certainly financial aid.
  4. Have you thought about making it casual and related to mutual interests? "Hey, I'm thinking about grabbing my camera one day this week to take some artsy urban pics. Wanna come? I thought it might be more fun with another set of eyes." Not too pushy or formal, just two people hanging out together doing something they both have an interest in.
  5. Sounds to me like she was expecting you to reply and when you didn't, she had a little panic attack, wondering if you were gone for good. It now seems she's realized she may have given you a thread of hope and is having second thoughts or unsure of how to respond. She clearly had you friend-zoned as she was a sporadic correspondent, at best. Or perhaps she's giving you a taste of you own medicine? Like, "I'll wait even longer to reply and show him what it's like to be ignored". Maybe she's not that type. I hope not. My advice, not that you asked, is to let it go and exp
  6. Astro, whenever I was tempted to make contact with my ex, I looked at my List of Reasons (a list of reasons I should be happy he was gone). My original goal was to find 10 reasons I should be happy it was over. By the time I was done, I had over 100 reasons. It was shocking to see them all written out. A real wake up call. (Would I willingly go into a relationship with a man who did or said those things to me? Because continuing open contact was, in fact, willingly continuing to engage in that toxic relationship.) I never reached out to him and only responded when it was necessary. Of cour
  7. Springvidi, I want you to think about something: Knowing who he is, how he treated you in the past, would you knowingly and willingly choose to reenter a relationship with him? Also, understand that he did the best he could at the time. And it wasn't good enough. You deserve a happily ever after. AB
  8. Darkus, there's a great book called Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. I think you should get a copy and read it cover to cover before you initiate contact with her again. It's not a relationship book. Rather, it's a sociology book and it's amazing. It may help you find answers your partner can't give. In the meantime, you should go to alturtle.com and begin reading his website. Start with "What to do when she/he leaves you". I had to read Al's site three times (I'm thick headed) before it all sank in. Everything changed for me when I read the book and that website. I
  9. It's not normal, but can she come in weekly? Does she do windows? Let it go. She's trying to stage the place for optimum visualization.
  10. Dating anyone who repeats himself over and over is a complete turn off. Yeah, his kids come first. Mine, too. But I don't beat their step-father over the head with it. And, guess what? Sometimes HE IS my top priority. My kids get that, too. Dump him.
  11. LSL, I recommend you pick up a copy of Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. It's not a relationship book, per se. It's a sociology book about how relationships end and invaluable when you can't get the answers you need. I suspect it'll be as important in your healing as it was to mine many years ago.
  12. I understand it's bad form to date two people when in high school but, if you're a grownup, you're not only allowed to do it, you must assume the other person is also dating multiple people. Until there's a ring on it, it's fine.
  13. Well, two months is hardly enough time to correct those mistakes, whether you begged or not. When you actually have grown and matured, that's when you know it's OK to reach out. Not a moment before. What are you actually doing, other than biding your time? How are you actively and visibly working on yourself?
  14. Did you know that at least 10% of divorced couples remarry each other? A friend of mine remarried her first husband after being divorced for 20 years - they'd only reconnected after each had married someone else and divorced. It's kind of a cool story. Tina and I met up one day and she told me she'd gotten a call from a high school friend who told her Kurt, her first husband (they married right after high school) had died. She said, "no, he's not dead. If he were dead, I'd feel it." There was a memorial service at their former home town and everything. Tina refused to go - she said it was r
  15. You call this cheating? It's not even emotional cheating - he's not in love with her. He doesn't even know her. You called it "entertaining". Let's agree that's what it was and leave it at that. Entertainment doesn't break-up a relationship. She wasn't even powerful enough to get him to take a drive. You're going to manifest a break-up if you don't work on your confidence and self-esteem. This isn't about him or her, it's about how you're reacting to it - your wanting to hurt him, to put him through hell says a lot about you. Who wants to be with a person who's vindictive instead of forgivi
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