puppeteer

this was most likely a misread on both our parts...

you think i'm attacking you, i think you are attacking me...etc..

i apologize and will also cool my jets.

anything that you can't tell your spouse or partner about is cheating.

if you have to lie or omit (which is also lying) then you are cheating.

any rationalization of anything else is purely delusional on your part.

there are no shades of grey...you either cheat or you don't.

oldsoul...get counseling now.

you must live with honesty in a relationship.

to not talk about an affair, whether during a time of separation or not...is to deny an event that causes pain and guilt on both sides.

there is a difference between having the courage and the fortitude to forgive someone their transgressions and having the courage to face them in truth together.

they should talk about the affair.

by risks you mean hurting alot of people so you can sleep with someone else?

sure....consider me closed minded.

i agree with canine...

if you lack the moral and ethical compass to begin with....chances are you'll do it again.

there are exeptions of course...but for the most part it seems there are people who cheat and people who don't.

"This new chick and I are still going to have a sex life, but I am going to talk to her today and tell her that it can only be purely physical."

Um..and I type this through clenched teeth...

You should not be in a relationship with your partner. She deserves better.

Get out of the relationship and go play. You aren't ready for a real responsible relationship. So get out of it, don't try to save it or work on it. Let her go find someone who will actually love her and respect her.

You aren't there yet.

hey never,

yeah you are in a tough spot...however...i don't think you have much choice in this matter.

the fact is you have a child with this man. as such you both have a responsibility to the child, which the new wife is going to have to live with, like it or not.

you don't have to have a relationship with him outside of that, but you do have to be able to communicate with him and both make choices that best affect the life of your child.

just my thoughts...

um, i am unclear...

so...you cheated on your girlfriend with a guy because of lack of intimacy...ok...

and you both acknowledge there are problems with this...but have you told her about the sexual activity with the other guy?

personally...if it's not giving you what you need emotionally and physically, and you are not willing to compromise, then it'd be best to end the relationship with your girlfriend and move on to someone more your speed.

but she should be told. and yes it is considered cheating.

i agree it doesn't define them.

the point is that you have to let that other person make the choice to forgive and forget or to dump you for your indiscretion...

you have to give them that respect. how they deal with your mistake is not for you to control. it is up to them. that is honest. that is true.

antilove...we are all entitled to our differing opinions...we care about you just the same. no judgments...just frank discussion. that is how we learn and grow.

for an 18 year old...you have a wisdom and a sadness that i appreciate...you will love your late twenties...that's when it all really starts to click together...

but be aware...your views on life and morality, ethics, good/bad behavior, politics etc...all change over time...best advice i can give: LET IT CHANGE.

change is good.

hmmm...

i guess the question is this...what led you to those few seconds of contact?

and are a few seconds of contact worth lying and pretending it never happened for the rest of the relationship?

it seems a bigger price to pay than a clean slate with someone you are truly faithful to...

just a thought.

she told me that her sex life with another man was none of my business...

that's when i realised i should probably move on...

hey canine...

eh...honestly i don't care. it's just stuff.

i'm more mad that she has yet to call my folks and apologize or to admit fault in any way. she has just totally and completely written off me, my family and my friends...all of whom accepted her into their hearts and thought she had it all together...boy were we duped.

she's in sacramento too....dunno why that matters but it's interesting.

the CA 50/50 i personally think is a good thing. it says that no matter what...you must dissolve everything and walk away even.

does part of me want to punish her and think she deserves nothing? yeah.

but i realized that what she misses out on is a life with me, a life with my wonderful family and amazing friends...when i look at that...i really did come away from this divorce with more than she did.

i never have to look at myself in the mirror and know that i lack morals, integrity or ethics.

i know that i am strong...that i am loved and that i will love again.

all in all...i think that's a pretty great thing.

yes but the lie is the self destructive path....

i guess that was my point.

ahhh well....to each his own.

anti love...why do that?

is a dishonest relationship a better thing to have?

honesty sucks...i know it does...but i'd rather have it than not. i hate being in the dark about things, and i think most people feel the same way.

a relationship without honesty is just a lie. and lies always end in pain.

just my two cents.....not making any judgements.

Do you believe the diary is true? could she be elaborating in her diary.. for lots of people diary is just an outlet...

 

cheating is bad... but yeah snooping on someone like that come pretty close IMO

snooping when you have doubts about someone you care about is in NO WAY EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO CHEATING.

if you have doubts about the relationship, and your SO clearly isn't giving you the full story....snoop. you deserve to know the truth.

if they wont tell you...find it by any means necessary.

you deserve the truth.

you may have an allergy to the hops and yeast in beer.

best thing is to get checked out by an allergist to rule that out.

it may be a reaction to the alcohol...do you have a reaction to any other type of alcohol?

shes cheating.

get out now.

seriously...get out.

you will move on...

but it takes time.

all i can say is be with the pain. own it...experience it. the only way to heal and grow from your loss is to really deal with the pain...don't push it away.

i know it stinks, but honestly you will be so much stronger and better off if you can struggle through this tough part.

every day will be different. you'll have good and bad days...that is the way of recovery.

but you will recover. and know that you have friends who are willing to listen.

be gentle with yourself. you are the best friend you can possibly have...so don't go beating yourself up with "what ifs" or "if only's"...

let it go as best you can. just breathe and stay focused on getting better.

soon you will be better.

um...just a hunch...he's a selfish pr**k who is using you...

end all contact with him.

you got out of the relationship....go find greener pastures...

could be wrong...but i call em like i see em...

hey all...

so i have been "in process" with the divorce from my cheating wife.

things are moving along smoothly...we both just filed our financial disclosures...and i have to say....i am beginning to feel this sense of relief...

it's like a weight is being lifted from me...

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET DIVORCED!!!

once we agree on the settlement (which i think we do) we basically just send it to the court as uncontested. then it's just a matter of waiting for the judge to send us the paper to sign and bing...divorced.

I am hoping it's all said and done by may at the latest.

keep your fingers crossed.

hoo rah.

it is rough...

my wife and i were together for five years, married for one of those....and basically now that the affair and her behavior have come to light...it's clear that EVERYTHING she was with me was a complete fabrication.

something she wanted to present to the public until she found the next better thing...once she found it i was thrown away like i was nothing.

but i am not nothing. neither are you. we are strong. we are loving. we are honest. we are all of the things they wish they could be.

in the end, it's their loss. they may never feel remorse or regret for what they have done to you, but honestly, what kind of life can you have where so much of it is a lie?

live an honest life. even if that honesty is painful sometimes...you will be happier and better off in the long run. and it will make you a much stronger and whole person.

ugh...do people never listen?

SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND...

MOVE THE **** ON....

jeeeez....

there is living life for yourself and what you want and there is trying to take things that you have no right to...

i want a few million dollars...but i'm not gonna rob a bank to get it.

find someone else.

it's really not about what YOU see as cheating or not cheating.

it is about what your PARTNER sees as cheating or not cheating.

it's easy to dismiss your own actions and justify what you are doing...you may feel you did nothing wrong...however what your spouse thinks is really the only issue.

you can't justify actions that your partner would object to...

which is why cheaters lie and cover up.

and anything you have to lie about or "not tell" your partner about...is cheating.