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CynicalGuitarist

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  1. CynicalGuitarist
    Failed Intellectual? Try being a failed musician... people all over ridicule me in any way possible because of this. They think I'm "crazy" for wanting to play Jazz or whatever *I know I really really suck at it* but it's really all I live for. I don't even have a job, and I've tried about 20 places in the past 4-5 months... no luck. I sometimes think there's a conspiracy against me... they know who I am, my ambitions, and they don't want me to escape from this prison because of what I'll say against "the system" if my music were to become noticed in some way. At least you go to a Uni too... I'm stuck in community college for all the times I !@#$ed up in high school and will likely be stuck living at home until I'm 26; thus I be humiliated and have no social life because of it. Life is beautiful, innit?
  2. CynicalGuitarist
    I'm pretty sure he chose to be short... because you ladies seem to think that us guys who are consciously/subconsciously choose to be.
  3. CynicalGuitarist
    I think it can be quite the opposite most of the time. When I see someone I like, I end up losing control of myself, thus I end up doing that as a natural defense mechanism because I fear rejection. That's the case with me, but I don't really know about the rest of the guys out there...
  4. CynicalGuitarist
    do you have good ESP or what? no I didn't graduate. I went one year, tried alternative schooling, and ended up passing my GED with "flying colors" (I don't think so, but that's what my mom told me.
  5. CynicalGuitarist
    I know exactly how it feels. I recently lost a friend too. PM me if you need any support or anything.
  6. CynicalGuitarist
    Blegh... no offense, but Jet... blegh. They're like AC DC trying to sing indie rock... and I find AC DC highly overrated in the first place. That's ironic how you say that... because it seems that the only way to become successful in music anymore is to succumb to the will of the zionist masters (RIAA) who will rape your creative ability until the music is very much the opposite of "groundbreaking" and "edgy"... Unless, that is, you're in the band "Tool" or "Dredg".
  7. CynicalGuitarist
    Yeah, men talk like that alot when not in the presense of any women. I liked how it presented its message in kind of a south park-esque way... sometimes I felt "mm... should i REALLY be laughing at this?" because it's so damn true. Whoever wrote that film must've been a virgin for a long time... or made fun and stereotyped them back in hell school... er high school.
  8. CynicalGuitarist
    Here are a few reasons why I likely won't live very long: -They say "lonely men die earlier"... well since I'm the epitome of lonliness when it comes to inter-gender relationships, it won't be long now. -I have a terrible diet. As a kid, my mom force-fed my brother and I vegan/health food. Thus, now I have a terrible diet as a reactionary... and out of apathy; because health food and eating "right" makes no difference me feel no better... in fact, it makes me more mentally awake... realizing that I'm a terrible person and do more bad than good. -I'm worse at what I do best. I just realized I'm a terrible guitarist... and since that's the only thing I am and ever was most skilled at, there's no way I'll ever earn enough income to satisfy my needs... much less a woman's needs. Not to mention I seem to have permanent writers block. -Nobody even helps with my depression or mood problems. I've seen psychiatrists, therapists, and whatnot, and none of them have done any good for me. Not to mention the only medication (marijuana) that's really done any good for me is out of the question now... I may lose my mind and stick the knife sideway in my neck at any time. -I'm really, really unattractive and have terrible skin. Thus, I am one of the least-appealing men on this planet, thus leading up to most of my problems in the spiritual and mental realm. Because of this, I've tried hard with exercising, and toning my muscles... but I still look like a puny little boy. I hate me. I seriously hope there is some sort of afterlife... because that's the only thing I'm really living for. I could only live to live again... otherwise death is the only reality and life is just a joke.
  9. CynicalGuitarist
    Well, I've seen "the 40 year old virgin" twice... and I must say it's great. It really grew on me. Not because I like to laugh at others miseries, but (probably unknowingly) this film shows everything wrong with America. All in one picture. I guess it may just be the fact that I can relate with the main character on so many different levels, but can anyone else relate? If you haven't seen it, or hated it, I recommend looking at it in a different light (like I did)... Just a thought.
  10. CynicalGuitarist
    I don't mean to be rude... but... Do you know me personally? Do you know what goes through my mind every single day? Do you know how it feels being a 5'4 19-year-old whose never had a job or a girlfriend and is a misfit (possibly bi-polar too) because of it? Do you know how it feels to still be called "midget"? Do you know how it feels to be harassed by gang bangers? Do you know how it feels to lose at everything you do and get made fun of for it? Do you know how it feels to be inquired about impossible crap and belittled for it when you don't know the answer? Do you know how it feels when nobody takes you seriously and almost everybody ignores you, especially women (and they wonder why I'm so god-damned angry at them)? Do you know how it feels to lose a best friend to suicide and live with the guilt realizing that you could've treated him better? Do you know how it feels to have people try to cheer you up by saying "I know how you feel... you could have it a lot worse, you spoiled brat!" (which actually makes me wanna kill myself even more)? Do you know how it feels to be the antisocial black sheep of the family? Do you know how it feels to be 19, yet everyone in your family treats you like a 12-year-old? Do you know how it feels to have all this pent-up energy that can't even be rid of by biking over 30 miles a day? Do you know how it feels to have mass amounts of lethargy when you aren't hyperactive? Do you know how it feels to have a constant tempt to wanna smoke pot again... but you can't because a. it doesn't affect you anymore and b. you'll fail a drug test because you are desperately trying to find a job? Do you have extreme trouble sleeping (and even bouts of insomnia) because you have 234672473456345 different thoughts going through your head at night? Point is, nobody knows what it's like to be me. Nobody's ever worn my shoes but me. So, you saying my problem is "null" because I created it is only half-right. Thanks for your concern though. (didn't mean to be rude, I'm off to a bad start this year and another one of my buddies is goin' to the ol army soon...)
  11. CynicalGuitarist
    What kind of music do I play? Well, all kinds... but you might wanna check out my pure volume page at link removed btw... love the Yes quote... They are teh rock.
  12. CynicalGuitarist
    fear seems to control many musicians. It's been happening for at least the past year... Nobody seems to want to create Jazz/Rock fusion... it's all this emo/pop/rock stuff that's polluting the airwaves and making it harder for those with TALENT to be noticed.
  13. CynicalGuitarist
    Nobody seems to care about "creativity" ever since the corporate... *insert an obscenity here* at MTV and other media outlets have deliberately and purposefully killed off rock and roll in as many ways possible as they could... there's no way I can live trying to find a band... all they care about is "SHUT UP AND BUY. CREATIVITY IS STUPID!! QUIET THAT RIGHT BRAIN THERE DAMMIT!!" it seems like life is just about money and getting laid. I'm involved in neither. On top of that, I'm a terrible mathematician and have never had a job before. I hate the world, and myself. I wish I didn't have a right-brain. I wish I could've stopped that guitar playing and became a mathematician.
  14. CynicalGuitarist
    But a question of "when"... I've looked at this past year (which sucked, btw) and I look at how far I've been set back. I hate my life. It's useless and stupid. I'm not going anywhere, I've thrown my future away, have no job or hope of survival, so what's the point? I can't talk to anybody about this because almost all of them are fundamentalist christians or ardent atheists who will "try and make me feel better"... I don't want to feel better... I just want to DIE. There's no way I can have any success because I am the most pathetic man alive. I'm a shallow, careless, selfish person, and this is my predicament... It's not a question of "if" anymore... but a question of "when". When am I going to lose control of my mind? When will the suicidal beast that wants out of this shell be released? When will the depression fits and apathy end? Only death can cure me now. So pass this on to the children of America... and the world: the national Japanese saying "The nail that sticks out is the first one to be hammered"... and boy did I learn that the hard way. Trying to maintain control.
  15. CynicalGuitarist
    Quite simply... Don't screw up. If I do so this year, next year, I kill myself.
  16. CynicalGuitarist
    I'm sorry about your situation. I can really, really relate... at least you got to try university... I'm stuck in community colleges for at least another 2 years and am probably gonna live at home until I'm 26 because I can't find a job... Hang in there... and I know this might not help... but at least you aren't me.
  17. CynicalGuitarist
    I can relate in a few ways. I've been suffering from depression for a while, myself. Well, at least be glad you have a bright future, because I !@#$ed up in school, have no job or job experience, no relationship, no money, just my guitar. I now spend my time trying to tell kids not to end up like me. I always seem to catch myself thinking about jumping off a really high place, slitting my throat, or hanging myself. In fact, I keep having re-occurring dreams of falling (sometimes I don't see anything, but I feel myself falling) and apocalyptic dreams (oddly enough, based on "revalations" in the bible) of the world coming to an end. I have the schizophrenic thoughts of ending my own life while knowing I could never muster up the courage to do so. All I can say is, keep living. Try a new hobby or something. Just keep working to tide off this depression, or you'll end up a hopeless loser like me, which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
  18. CynicalGuitarist
    dude... go for it. She seems to have at least some sort of interest in you, so what's the point of spending time trying to "read signals"? That, my friend, was a fatal error I made when I tried to get the attention of girls I like. Trust me, you don't wanna make my mistakes... so just do it!
  19. CynicalGuitarist
    Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to change her sexual preference... sorry bout it though. There are a lot of gals I would want to be with if they weren't lesbian.
  20. CynicalGuitarist
    Yeah, one tip; be prepared for the whooping of a lifetime courtesy of her boyfriend.
  21. CynicalGuitarist
  22. CynicalGuitarist
    I feel like the most irresponsible person in the world. Why? Because I missed my dentist appointment. Why? Because I woke up 15 minutes after I was supposed to show up. I know it may not matter to you, but it's just one prime example of how stupid and irresponsible I really am. Not only that, but it also shows how big of a deal insomnia really is (truth is, my mom doesn't believe it exists and that it's my own fault that I can't sleep). Truth is, I really don't like being me. If you have any younger siblings/nieces/nephews/children/grandchildren or whatever, tell them to never turn out like me (if you don't know "me", feel free to read my posts). I'm turning 19 in 2 days... I hope 19 isn't as bad as the previous 7 years of my life.
  23. CynicalGuitarist
    I'm mostly white, but my dad was mostly philipino/portuguese... i wonder if that has anything to do with it?
  24. CynicalGuitarist
    been to that gig before... but for me to find someone like that... I dunno, I might as well turn gay or something (which I'm not gonna do)... Oh, and for the record, I've tried using products with 10% Benzoyl Peroxide... makes my skin worse.
  25. CynicalGuitarist
    Not only am I dissatisfied with my life, but I also have a very, very, very bad complexion. I frequent acne breakouts and have horribly rough chapped lips. I shower a whole lot more than most of you probably do on top of constantly using acne medication, but it just keeps getting worse and worse and worse. I thought it would at least tide a bit by the time I reached 18, but it's remained the same. I still have red, bumpy, oily, itchy skin that hurts almost all the time. Plus, my lips are so dry and chapped, chap stick doesn't even work... in fact, my lips get even more chapped after using it. I can't stand how horribly ugly I am... girls won't even talk to me, so I'm pretty lonely as well. I thought it was bad enough that I have to be so goddamn short, but the bad skin/dry lips are the sewage icing to the 5h!t cake. That's only the surface of my iceberg of problems/setbacks. Thus, I'm planning on killing myself very very soon, seeing as I am Darwin's prototype of a "useful idiot".
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