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Posts posted by CynicalGuitarist

  1. nothing wonderful happens anymore -- im on 7 forums - music - just started singing again


    If it makes you feel less alone... I'm a singer, too. I'm not very good, and it's pretty much all I live for too. I'm sorry about all your pain, and even though, in the end, it's your choice what you do with yourself... I hope you don't pull through. As pathetic and miserable as life is... maybe you might wanna consider what the only good thing in Pandora's Box was? Hope. Maybe think about that for a bit and let it sink in. No matter how bad things get, we always have hope... realistic or not.


    I know how hard it is losing a parent... I lost my dad almost 3 years ago... it hurts to this day, but I just gotta accept it and try to go on with my life the best I can.


    Sorry I can't think of anything else to make you feel better... but I hope you hang on, for hope's sake.

  2. Cynical..


    Whats hurts you the most..?


    Social isolation and not being able to socialize? or the other issues like low self esteem and competency issues?


    I am sure its the first one which is most painful....


    I'll feel more lonely among a group of people who are happy and are able to bond with each other..where I cannot...personally its the most painful emotion i have ever experienced...its the root cause of my depression..


    Being able to connect with the opposite sex...having a gf / support female friend is something I have been fantasizing about for a very long time.


    What I am trying to tell you is that there are many people like us..maybe we are just born with this problem..you are not alone


    Both hurt me equally. For a guy who sings, I either don't talk enough, or I talk waaaay too much.


    But I know what you mean all too well. At this point, having a girlfriend or a girl ever being nice to me without BSing me... is pretty much a pipe dream. I guess I'd make a lousy boyfriend anyways.


    I may not be alone, but I take that lonliness to a new level because my problems aren't easily seen on the surface. Life is nothing but a collective nightmare... but most people see it as a dream because they see nothing wrong... or of course they might know it's a nightmare, but do nothing to try and wake up.

  3. Dear CynicalGuitarist

    I really think you are Bi_poler, i have seen the way your emails have been going on here and you really seem to have good days and bad, I must ask have you seen your doc about there mood swings,


    If you can deal with this ill ness as I see it you can change your life for the better with out ending it


    My doctors don't know jack about me. I think one of the major cruxes of my problems is ADHD, but I don't wanna take medicine for it... as most ADHD medications are 3 molecules (I'm not a scientest, obviously) away from speed. I don't wanna be a speed freak; I'm way too small and skinny. So, what makes you think my doctors will successfully ever diagnose me?


    Don't get me wrong, I still want to die... I'm just waiting around to see if this crappy movie will get any better.


    As Mr. Bill Hicks has said before "It's just a ride".

  4. What do you recommend from these two people you mentioned and I'll check it out. I dont know them so I'm not biased.


    I recommend Icke's "Secrets of the Matrix" (if it's still on google video) and for hicks, simply type in "Bill Hicks" in any video search engine.... usually on google video, they tend to have a lot of his full shows if you're lucky enough to find 'em.

  5. They sound a bit like scifi!


    Thanks, I take influence from David Icke and Bill Hicks... I know a lot of people think they're weird and even dangerous, but they're an inspiration to me... people who aren't (or weren't) afraid to share their beliefs and take a big risk by voicing against the "powers that be", to say at the least.


    RIP Bill Hicks

  6. Hello,

    Thank you for your kind words and generous advice. I'm sure you know that I am all alone living in a society where money and materialism and all define who we are instead of ourselves defining who we are, despite the tired, inane religious zealots (of all religions, not just christianity) whose plea to crucify the flesh only really preaches to the choir (pardon the pun). I don't know what lies beyond my body, and (for god's sake) I hope my spirit self isn't as ugly, indecisive, cowardly, and introverted as my physical self. Ever since I was a kid, I've been fascinated by death. I wonder why and if things really die and where they go regardless. Sadly, the enemy has already won. The truth is, we live in a cold, mechanistic, placid technocracy run by semi-civilized beasts still operating out of the reptilian brain. Sometimes I think the only way I will ever win is if I cease to exist.... because I didn't wanna be born in the first place. It was (amongst other decisions) something that's already been decided for me, and that's probably my sole defense of the human race.


    As pessimistic and depressing as my beliefs are, I still wake up each day in hope of some kind of miracle that will get me out of the pathetic microcosm of bone, organ, and tissue which is my life. Sounds pathetic? It's probably the only thing enabling me to wake up in the morning.

  7. Cynical:


    Begin today. No matter how feeble the light, let it shine as best it may. The world may need just that quality of light which you have.


    I agree.


    As I've said before... somebody has to be the screw up. Somebody has to be the tool. Somebody has to be the Charlie Brown-esque figure who gets disappointed. Somebody has to be the loser... otherwise, we'll just have a world full of perfect angels and that would be incredibly boring... so yeah, I actually agree with you.

  8. Nice. It is very seldom that you hear about the fact that the "weirdos" can be just as bad as the "populars" and the only real difference is their clothing/music choice. I guess that's because it's something I've actually experienced first-hand.


    I've always liked this quote: "To be a non-conformist like us, you must wear the same clothes as we do and listen to the same kind of music".


    Very interesting. Keep 'em coming.

  9. Maybe you need a new challenge. Why not try some videogames or something; maybe take up a board game like Dungeons and Dragons? Or the contrary; why not volunteer to aide the less-fortunate. No matter where you are in the world, there are deprived, incorrigible people that are in need of food, shelter, security, warmth, and love.


    Or perhaps, read some of the stories on here if you want to re-assure yourself of how well-off you have it. I wish I had what you did;


    -I have no job, and because I'm physically repulsive and screwed up in school, am stuck looking at the bottom of the bottom of the barrel.

    -Because of social reasons and the fact that I'm not "cool" or "popular" or "happy" like I'm 'sposed to be like everybody else, I have no girlfriend and gave up hope with women altogether.

    -While I have a comfortable home and am not living on the street, I'm probably stuck living with my mom for a long time (which lowers my chance with ANY woman ever) and sometimes choke my neck in hopes that I may free myself from the lonliness and repitition of life.


    See; now we have come 'round full circle.


    I would tell you to smoke some weed and watch a really funny movie, but I don't know the first thing about women, so I'm not sure if your lady would take kindly to that...

  10. Give it time. I have roughly the same situation (but I'm jobless) and you're only 17, so enjoy the single life while you still can. Internet dating could be an option, but then again it's extremely shady and has some unavoidable risks involved. Sometimes, though, I suppose it's harder for some than others when it comes to finding someone. I guess all I can say is "give it time". That's coming from first-hand experience.

  11. Ms, your one of the sweetest ppl I know here.

    CG....glad your still around to harass.

    Keep on paddling...I know it's all upstream.


    Still around to harass? Truth hurts -_-'. I've done some canoing, and upstream isn't exactly easy.

  12. my bad man,

    but it's good to hear you're still kickin it!

    you still haven't answered my question though

    but i'm guessing by the looks of it you play an ICE MAN!!!


    have you been able to find any places around your area with a cool music scene fit to your needs?


    You're right. It's an ICX-120 I named Aura.


    The music scene around here is bollocks. Full of pompous, pretentious snobs and elitism. I've been to lots of shows, but everyone simply acts like I don't exist.

  13. Isolated.


    Stuck at the bottom.

    Imprisoned in the core.


    Down in my 30-foot mud-lined dredge of lonliness

    my cold, watery, untamed grave of depression,

    I tie another defective noose,

    anxiously awaiting my demise.


    As the water flows in, I reminisce

    of days where I invisioned what never was or will be,

    o my innocence; how I covet it so,

    as I seal my fate of liquid glass,

    shedding the remnants of my soul.


    In the final moments of my own mortality, I see

    why this martyrism must unhinge my chains;

    As God's pet, I prefer myself put to sleep,

    rather than be eaten by the inevitable tumor within.


    Here I be; God's pet rat,

    dying another premature, ghostly death.

    Praying for rain, the injection of salvation

    as my brothers; those beggars, thiefs, liars, and incorrigibles

    smirk at another veal's slaughter.


    Here comes the water...

  14. What's the use?


    Right! There is none!


    Each day, the days only get worse. It's like in office space; each day that passes by is the worst day of my life. Even after applying for 8 places a week, no job. Even after playing guitar for years, no band. I'm sick. I'm a useless s.o.s. The gods don't love me. They've forced me to a life I don't want to live for no benifit for no reason for no purpose. Life is the joke that I don't laugh at. Money is our god. Money rules everything around us and we aren't even conscious of it. Suicide. The only cure, but a cure I can't stomach. The unconscious acts as if putting up with the sewage of living as if it's a "good" thing for me. I hate living. It's not a good thing at all. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, or even a bumble bee. We are all children of god, but which god?


    Hiding behind a plastic Jesus in a plastic world of waste and wonder.

  15. Hey,

    I'm not sure if I am slow learner.

    In college, I pretty much took every class over again...

    I'm not sure because I am slow or I just didn't care. I think it's more about I don't care about subjects.

    But also...I'm a dweller. I don't think I learn it "slowly"... I just get behind in things.

    I tend to make things a lot more difficult than they should be...I can over analyze things a lot. So I get caught up in the matter that is irrelevant.

    I have to make up the slack...and I get behind...

    Yeah...If I could take drugs for it...I would.


    Yeah, that's kinda how college is for me. I had drugs I took which helped me out in school... called cannibus... but they're illegal and I need a job... so...

  16. Bro, whatever you do, don't let her use you as a whine crutch. I've always seen really nice guys (myself included) do that to try and be a good "friend", but it'll get you nothin' more.


    I say let it go. Well, not completely, but, like superior notes, let her deal with her boyfriend problems herself; unless he does something drastic like hit her. Women (especially at my age) tend to go for jerks, but there are angels amongst the masquerading, and some that end up finding the jerks of the bunch, but that's up to her, not you.

  17. Unfortunately, I know a lot of guys who harbor some very chauvenistic views. These, ironically, are the same guys that get what they want outta women. Though I'm no feminist, and ultra-feminists can annoy me as much as chauvenists do, I think a lot of guys can be jerks. Yes, most of us do think with our hormones, but it can be just as bad for the nice guy that gets walked all over and rejected who turns schizoid as it is for the jerk who uses a veil to cover up his materialistic intentions. All I can say is, yes, most of us are selfish jerks, but not all of us are. It's a quest that is more difficult for some than others. Me? I'm trying to find a lady that isn't a dog.

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